Groom doesn't allow bride to ban MIL from wedding over 'accidental mud throwing.' AITA?
"AITA for not allowing my fiancée to uninvite my mom from our wedding after accidental mud throwing?"
My fiancée “Emma” and I recently spend some time at my mom’s vacation house. Emma and my mom don’t have the best relationship. Nothing crazy but a bit stand offish. I’ve asked Emma and she says nothing happened but she feels my mom doesn’t like her.
There has been a lot of rain lately so our usual hiking trails were all flooded. Sometimes my family will do a hike in the mud and just accept everything’s getting ruined. We planned a mud hike for a particularly challenging trail and I asked Emma if she wanted to skip it as I know that isn’t her thing. She said she’d go and be a team player. I tried my best to keep it fun for her but I could tell she was struggling.
Towards the end of the hike my mom threw some mud and it hit Emma. My mom looked mortified and swore that was meant for her husband and not Emma and apologized, but Emma was furious. She yelled at my mom, called her childish, frigid, and said she was uninvited to our wedding for humiliating her.
I was taken aback because it looked like a genuine accident. Emma began yelling that my mom was “punishing” her for not “fitting in” or “being who she wants me to marry." Everyone was blindsided and Emma said she didn’t want someone who threw mud at her at our wedding.
I took Emma aside and told her I loved her more than anything but I do believe it was an accident and I won’t allow her to ban my mom from OUR wedding over what looked like an accident. Emma got upset and accused me of not defending her. Now my family (minus my mom) isn’t talking to me and is saying I didn’t do enough to defend my mom.
For some more context- my mom's husband was walking in front of her and Emma was on his side. I didn't see it make impact, but immediately saw the result. My mom was embarrassed and ran to hug her husband, calm down, apologize. She swears Emma came up beside him and she didn't see her. He previously had mud on his hands and grabbed my moms face/kissed her, so this was not out of nowhere.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
jacksonlove3 said:
NTA for your original question here. But I think you would an ahole if you don’t have a conversation with your mom about why she’s doesn’t like your fiancé, and then set some boundaries. Clearly Emma has reason to feel the way she does, without including the mud throwing incident. Your mom also owes her a genuine apology if she hasn’t already.
Glittersparkles7 said:
Ehhhh maybe but maybe not. Your fiancée thinks your mom hates her. There’s a reason for that. Those feelings generally don’t come from nowhere. Mom is definitely doing something. There’s an excellent chance she DID throw that mud on purpose in which case YWBTA. But there’s a chance she didn’t in which NTA.
The bigger problem here is the animosity between your fiancée and mom. That’s not tenable for long term and it doesn’t matter whose fault it is. You’re gonna have to give one up unless you can somehow convince them to like each other. Period. Otherwise there is no point in getting married.
You’re gonna have this issue throughout your marriage and if you don’t choose your wife (like now) the marriage is just going to dissolve. Good luck finding a mediator. I suggest you start choosing now which one you can live without. Cause you’re not gonna get to keep both.
JayPanana225 said:
Emma deserves better. You’re NTA, but I hope she finds a warm and welcoming family and MIL to marry into. My EX-mil was like your mom. I divorced my ex husband.
piceathespruce said:
YTA. The other responses clearly indicate your mom doesn't like your fiance, and you've just brushed it off. You shouldn't have let a situation like this come up (your fiance exhausted, out of her element, with your family). It's a bummer of an outcome, but "sorry, I accidentally threw mud at you. I promise I was aiming it at someone else" is not a problem adults get to make for themselves without living with the consequences.
West-Improvement2449 said:
Yta. I'm sure to you, it looked like an accident. Honestly if you're gonna take your mom's side over your soon to be wife, maybe don't get married.
Hungry-Caramel4050 said:
NTA, your fiancée needs to chill. If she can’t comprehend that not everyone is warm or will like her, then her life will be hell. And her overreaction just tells me she will try and find any excuse to forbid your future kids to have a relationship with your mom in the future.
Your mom didn’t hit her on purpose but your fiancée called her names on purpose. She needs to apologize and the fact that she I uninvited her on spot would be a sore point for me. May be you all need counseling before the wedding.
FutureOk6751 said:
Yta...why are you here when all you are doing is defending your mom who, by your own admission, cares so little for your fiancee she literally didn't see her walking next to her husband. I can't wait for the next post when you defend your mom when she spills wine all over you new wife's wedding dress because she "accidentally" trip all because she can't care enough to see a person standing there.
Honestly, I am pretty sure this isn't the first time your mom has done something like this to Emma. Most people don't blow up like this and uninvite their mil for one incident. Think really hard about every time Emma has come to you a concern about your mom and how making time have you dismissed her in favor of defending your mom?
I honestly hope your emma takes a hard look if she can put up binding herself to a husband who sees nothing wrong with the fact his own mother can't be bothered to care that she exists even when she's literally standing infront of her.