Man tells parents: 'come to my wedding or I never speak to you again.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling my parents if they don’t come to my wedding i will never speak to them again?"
For a little context I, 23 male, was always the disappointment child my younger sister (20F) Gigi was always the favorite as soon as she was born. My parents (Julia) 46F (Harris) 48M always favored Gigi as she was a girl and a week before Gigi was born my grandmother Giana passed away so my mum named her Gigi in honor of my grandmother.
The problem here is my parents always favored Gigi no matter what and I was always the disappointment growing up, which resulted in me and my family not being close.
Now my fiancé, soon to be wife, my beautiful Remi (22F) are having our wedding next week 8 January. I proposed to her late 2022 and my family were supportive. We were planning our wedding the whole of 2023 and are very excited about this.
We planned the date on September 2023, we invited everybody,chose the food, outfits and everything needed for a wedding, The date was perfect for everyone and we planned it with Remi’s family who lives in France.
The problem is last month Gigi was arrested for a DUI (drinking under influence) and she got 1 month in jail. Of course my family is on Gigi’s side saying is unfair as she’s only a kid, I personally disagree Gigi is 20 years old she’s a adult and this sentence could be thinking time for her to sort her self out as she could of killed someone or herself.
As she’s sentenced for a month obviously she won’t be able to attend my wedding which I was kind of bummed about as she is my sister. I would have loved to have her on my special day, however my parents said it’s unfair that I should have my wedding while she’s in jail and i should change it so she could go.
I discussed the with Remi but we both agree it’s far to late and he family already booked their tickets to come see the wedding,We also agreed that it’s unfair to cancel on around 40 people just because of one person and it would be too much stress and panic.
I told my family this and they said i was being rude and they wouldn’t come without my sister so i told them don’t speak to me again if your not going to be supportive of me, I told my famy that they were always favoriting Gigi and it’s cruel of them to never being there for me. We had a lot of arguing and that’s when i said if you don’t come to my wedding don’t be bothered by me ever again and i never want to speak to them again.
I feel like I overreacted. I got a lot of angry texts from them and even some aunts and uncles however this hurts as my sister has a excuse not to come but they have none all my life they left me out and this was the one time they could of showed they loved me.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Odd-End-1405 said:
NTA. Your sister is in jail. She is not going anywhere, why can't they come to your wedding? Your parents thinking a whole wedding should move because of one guest is ridiculous. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. I hope your parents are there for you. If they don't attend, write them off.
okileggs1992 said:
NTA, hugs for having your parents prioritize your sister's jail time which I find very suspect because usually the first ticket isn't jail unless something else happened when she got the ticket.
You can't wave a magic wand to change the date, so get married. Your parents will always be a disappointment to you because you were never their priority after your sister was born.
If you haven't gotten therapy, please get it. Tell your parents you cannot change the date and if they want it changed they need to pay for it (obviously they can't because they couldn't get a lawyer for you baby sister). Go LC.
I would also post on your book of Faces that since your sister was arrested under the influence and couldn't make the wedding because of her poor choices your side of the family has decided to not to go to the wedding as a show of solidarity to your sister.
ScrappleSandwiches said:
NTA, and, but, you’re starting your own new life with your spouse. It hurts, but indifference would probably be more effective. “Oh well, sorry you can’t make it.” People who are there for you get to be a part of your lives going ahead.
If it takes anger and ultimatums to get them there, do you really want them there anyway? Now you’re in the position of not being sure who might show up last minute, having them show up anyway only to complain the whole time, etc. I’m sorry that they suck, and I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a lifetime of happiness.
mariahalt said:
NTA. How rude of them to upend everyone else’s plans.
Notlikeyou1971 said:
NTA you shouldn't have to reschedule your wedding to accommodate your sister's jail time. She did the crime and has to do the time. Life goes on while ppl are in jail and the world won't stop just for her.
What if she had to do a long prison term? Should you stop your whole life until she got out? They are being ridiculous and unfair to you. Once again your parents are showing that same favoritism. They need to be called out on their behavior. I'd go no contact with them if they don't attend.
susanbarron33 said:
NTA. Putting your life hold on because of something your sister made a choice to do isn’t your fault. It’s sad that your parents don’t see the problem with her being in jail for dui. Hopefully they make the right decision not keeping them in your life could be a cancer since they put her first.
FIRST UPDATE:
For more info my name is Kye and the reason my sister got a sentence is because she was driving under the influence of (her excuse for this is she was pressured to do it). Later on today Remi got a message from my mum saying “It’s disrespectful of making Kye to turn against his family."
Remi got really upset over this and I understand and she has every right to,This message made her feel bad about her self even considering to cancel the wedding. I got really angry with this seeing my fiancé hurt of this message and the selfishness of Julia (my mum). I let my anger get the best of me and confronted my mum and here’s the exact things we said:
Me: “I saw the message you sent to Remi may I know the reason why you found that okay in your brain to say that?”
Julia: “Well since your not manning up someone has to do it for you”
Me: “I don’t need to defend anyone, I’m not going to let you hurt me I’m a full grown adult now and I will protect myself."
Julia: “Oh please we all know who’s forcing you hon xx”
Me: “No one is forcing me, the fact you thought it was okay to even message Remi is stupid I always knew how entitled were you that I can’t even say I’m surprised we all know who you golden child is and thanks to you she’s in jail.”
Julia: “your sister is in jail for no reason and you should support her while she’s going through these hard times instead you leave her out which is why me and your father won’t be attending”
Me: “Honestly I can care less, at this point I’m use to it it’s always Gigi never me.”
Julia: “You should be ashamed of your self for being a jealous brat”
Me: “the only thing I’m ashamed about is having you as a mother”
After this I blocked her honestly I couldn’t care less. Did I do the right thing?
Here's what top commenters had to say after the first update:
Desperate-Ad7967 said:
Did the right thing 100%.
PapaJuansAmante said:
100%. They probably won’t act like they care until you guys start having kids and even then as soon as your sister starts having them, yours will immediately be pushed aside.
leftytrash161 said:
That was just beautiful. Congrats on shedding the dead weight, I wish you and your fiancee every happiness for your future together without these monsters in it.
forgetregret1day said:
I'm so proud of you I’m cheering for you out loud ! Your mother is blind as can be and blames everyone but herself. No doubt the reason your sister does the same thing -of course it can’t be her fault that she took drugs and drove. You made the best choice you could under the circumstances and I know it hard to be hard. I wish you and Remi all the best!
SECOND UPDATE:
Today I just woke up to a message from my father (I blocked my mom yesterday but must of forgot to block him) and I’m just going to show the exact messages we sent to each other:
Dad: Are you going to change your wedding date?
Me: Your seriously think that I am going to change the wedding for one person?
Dad: That one person is your sister.
Me: and? You’re telling me to cancel on 40 people just for my entitled sister?
Dad: 1) she’s not entitled 2) yes she’s your real family not Remi
Me: I never seen you, mom and Gigi as my real family.In fact I find Remi’s parents more family then you.
Dad: Kye just do it your sister’s going through a hard time she’s really upset she can’t go.
Me: It was her own choice to drive under the influence.
Dad: You know she was pressured.
Me: Another excuse anything she does it’s always an excuse.
Dad: We didn’t raise you to be this way.
Me: You guys barely raised me at all?
Dad: Stop over exaggerating we did love you
Me: When?
Dad: Kye I can’t be bothered with you right now. Your mum wants to speak to you unblock her.
Me: No
Dad: Let’s talk this out
Me: There’s nothing to be talked out, I’m not changing my wedding dates and that’s FINAL.
Dad: We won’t come then.
Me: And I don’t care you, you were uninvited anyway.
I just blocked him after, I know what I did is right and I’m not asking for advice this is just a update, Remi’s parents are coming today and I know they are very sweet and I feel they are family then my parents will ever be.
Here's what top commenters had to say about the second update:
Agile-Wait-7571 said:
Good for you. Congratulations on your wedding.
DarthKiwiChris said:
Have a great wedding. Contact ALL your wedding suppliers and PASSWORD the accounts!!! Tell them toxic family members may try to sabotage the wedding, all correspondence must go through you and Remi with this password. Get wedding day security. Because people are idiots.
Gustav_ said:
Finally, somebody who actually has a backbone on this website, good job OP - hope your wedding is amazing!
Beagle-Mumma said:
Well done. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and your marriage is a happy one. Your parents most likely will never see you pov, so might be best to keep them blocked.
winterworld561 said:
You absolutely did the right thing. Your parents don't give a shit about you. Your sister made that choice and now she has to face the consequences of her choices. Not your problem. Have a wonderful wedding and make sure you let any security know not to let your parents in if they turn up. They likely will turn up to try and cause trouble.