So, my (28M) wife (26F) and I are getting married in a few months, and the planning has been a rollercoaster. From day one, my MIL has tried to take over every decision, from the flowers to the seating chart to even the music.
She keeps saying it's "her only daughter's wedding" and she "knows best." At first, we let her have some input, but it got to the point where she was straight up trying to veto every idea my wife and I had.
Eventually, my wife told me she wanted to stand up to her, and I was all in. We decided to just plan the wedding the way we wanted. We went all out on stuff like having food trucks, a casual dress code, and even a live band instead of the string quartet her mom wanted. MIL was pissed and said we were "ruining the day." She even threatened not to come.
Here’s where I might be TA: In the midst of this, I went a little overboard to "reclaim" the wedding. I got way too hyped and ended up buying a custom gaming PC for my best man as a gift, because we used to game all the time together. It’s totally unrelated to the wedding, but I wanted to go big since MIL was making me crazy.
Now my wife thinks it was a bit much and MIL is FURIOUS, saying it’s inappropriate to spend that kind of money on anything not wedding-related, especially since we didn't want to spend more on things she wanted. AITA for putting my foot down with MIL and going all out on something non-traditional? Maybe I took it too far, but at least the best man’s hyped.
NaturesVividPictures said:
NTA. I think it's a bit financially foolish to spend thousands on your best man but if you can afford it and you like blowing thousands of dollars on a friend go for it. But if you're going into debt then you're not too bright. But I'm going to presume you can afford to do this but tone it down do everything you two want you don't have to buy your friends with gadgets.
rocketmn69_ said:
MIL is trying to get the wedding that she didn't have. Her mother told her how it was going to be. Good for you for breaking the cycle.
MusexSofia said:
NTA. It's your wedding, not your MIL's. You and your wife have every right to plan it the way you want. It sounds like you did a great job supporting your wife in setting boundaries with her mom.
Peachass_Doll said:
NTA. It's your wedding, not your MIL's. You and your wife have the right to plan it how you want. It's great that you stood up for yourselves.
RevolutionaryDiet686 said:
NTA. Lay the boundaries now before the wedding. She will try to micro-manage your entire life together.
ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels said:
NTA. How are you ruining the day when you are just making better for you and your wife? You are also NTA for buying your best man the gaming pc, you are happy, your best man is happy, and it's a great gift!
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA. "She even threatened not to come." You should have told her "Thank you." What you give your best man is nobody's business but yours.
Wanda_McMimzy said:
YTA if giving your best man that gift means something your wife wanted for the wedding has to be nixxed. I don’t say how that shows up your mil but it doesn’t make you an AH. I couldn’t stand someone like that and probably would’ve been more directly petty.
dncrmom said:
ESH yes absolutely take control of the wedding. But YTA to spend $$$$ on a gaming computer for your best man. It gives off vibes of planning for a art room (gaming room) for him in your new home. It is not okay to spend that much on anyone other than your significant other or a child & wildly inappropriate.