Groom insists on excluding stepmom from 'biological parents only' wedding photos. AITA?

"AITA for wanting a photo at my wedding with only my bride and our biological parents, without my stepmom?"

My wedding is later this month. My wife-to-be and I would like to take photos of many configurations of family members, and it would mean a lot to us if at least one of those photos was of the two of us and each of our biological parents.

My parents divorced over ten years ago, when I was in college. My dad remarried but my mom has not. I love my dad but I feel zero affection for my stepmom. I never have.

She did not raise me and has only made life difficult for me, my mom, and my sister. However, I love my dad and I have accepted that if I want to maintain a relationship with him, that I have no choice but to tolerate her.

I told my dad about the “bioparents-only” photo that I want to take at my upcoming wedding and he told me that his wife was “being weird” about that and refused to allow such a photo to be taken, but that he would talk to her to see if he could change her mind.

He called me back today and informed me that my stepmom absolutely refuses to allow my dad to appear in any photo with his ex-wife if she isn’t also part of it. She thinks that “people will think they’re still married” and that for me to even suggest such a thing is rude and disrespectful to her.

Apparently she has had prolonged, expletive-filled arguments with my dad over the idea that he could ever think of not taking her side on this. I don’t think I am asking for anything unreasonable at all, and I think she is the one who is being selfish and disrespectful. I am not excluding her entirely from photos.

She will be in many photos that day, but she is not my biological mother and given how she has treated me and the rest of my family over the past decade, she should frankly be thankful that she was invited at all. All I want is one photo with my own parents. On my wedding day, the one day in my life where I would hope that my fiancée and I should get the final say.

My fiancée and her parents are completely on my side. She is upset and shocked that this is a conflict at all. Today we had a call with the four of us: me, my fiancée, my dad, and stepmom. On this call my dad firmly said that he refused to appear in any photo with my mom without his wife beside him.

My stepmom told me that “I know it’s your day, but you need to think about how you make other people feel.” She told my fiancée (who is from another country) that “in America this is considered rude.” My fiancée tearfully argued with them, saying nothing that I disagreed with, honestly.

The call ended with my dad saying, “let us know if you still want us to come to the wedding.” AITA for thinking my stepmom is being completely unreasonable, and that my dad has let me down by siding with his wife over his own son on his son’s wedding day?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Bfan72 said:

NTA. This is going to sound harsh, but you love your dad unconditionally and he doesn’t love you the same way. Unfortunately, his new wife has made his love for you conditional. No matter what, she will not be in your photos.

Whether they come to the wedding and you eventually edit her out or they just don’t come. If you have any children, I guarantee that she will want to be considered a grandmother. Your father has made his choice. You need to make yours.

Either you make your future relationship with her clear or you let her force her way into your life. If you want to stand up for your mom and not have this delusional woman in all of your pictures, you are not wrong. Your dad is banking on you loving him more than he cares about your feelings. He’s a coward. Plain and simple.

Travellingone777 said:

NTA. There's nothing wrong with a photo like that or with requesting it. You could instead take a photo of you and bride with your dad and one of your and bride with your mom. Then photoshop them to make a group photo of the 4 of you.

ariesrising03 said:

NTA. A good photographer can edit her out so you get the photo you really want. And there’s something about that that would feel so satisfying to me. She gets to be in the pic and feel like she’s won but then sees the edited version and realizes she’s been outsmarted lol.

Over-Ad-6555 said:

NTA. If stepmommy absolutely insists on being in the photos....let her, but, arrange with your photographer prior to have her cut out, removed. A good photographer can do wonders when editing.

Rainbowbright31 said:

NTA. Imagine being that spineless and under the thumb, shame on your father. Send him this thread so he can see what a spineless jellyfish he is and what a controlling

Final-Success2523 said:

NTA but just disinvite your coward dad and that evil witch he’s married too. He can’t have your back for one day, then he doesn’t deserve you starting your life with your wife.