"AITA for not wanting my fiancés friends on our honeymoon?"
A few weeks ago my fiancé (29M) and I (28F) went for dinner when he asks me if he can ask me something but I can’t get mad. So I said ok just tell me. He proceeds to say that he was talking about our trip to Japan and his friend over heard and asked if he can come.
I look at him already just upset because this isn’t just a trip? It’s our honeymoon. We’re getting married the beginning of February and leaving a week later for our honeymoon which is a week in Thailand and a week in Tokyo.
I tell him why he would think it’s okay for his friend to join when it’s our honeymoon he then got upset and said "I can never say anything without you getting upset, it’s like walking on eggshells with you." Honestly after that, we didn’t speak. And after a day or two he apologized and said he told him no to coming because it was our honeymoon.
We left it at that which brings me to yesterday. He was gone helping his dad do some yards around the neighborhood when, here’s where I know most won’t agree, but I decided to go on his laptop and snoop.
I see a group message that’s named “Tokyo boys” when I begin to read the message I realize that all his friends are going to Tokyo the EXACT same week we are going.
They're on there talking about places to visit and where they’re staying. I was livid!! Of course I couldn’t keep it to myself that I knew so I text him and ask him what that was about and of course his first answer is "why are you looking through my things?" Then saying how he told them he wouldn’t be seeing them because it’s our honeymoon, and that they still decided to go and that he doesn’t own Japan.
I’m honestly sooo upset about this and due to it being Thanksgiving, I had to suck it up and pretend we were okay when honestly I’m so mad and hurt that he ignored me and my feelings. I know when we’re there they’re going to be calling him to go places and I will be the a@ole if I don’t want to go.
Here's what commenters had to say about this one:
originalgenghismom said:
NTA I had a friend with a similar dilemma. Fortunately she was handling all of the logistics and without letting him know, she revised their honeymoon itinerary to ensure they were never in the same location as the tag along “bros."
She said the look on his face was priceless when he realized they were boarding a flight for different city than their original plan. She stuck it out for almost two years, before she dumped the man-child. Needless to say she is now married to a wonderful guy.
Pixie974 said:
NTA. I hope he is going to be your ex fiancé soon. Do not marry a man like that. He is disregarding your feelings about your own freaking honeymoon. What’s next ? He does not prioritize you.
Hemenucha said:
Thank God you're seeing this side of him before you get married. This type of behavior will not change. Rethink your future with him. NTA.
Grey_Lancer said:
You shouldn’t marry him. It’s that simple. If you are determined to go through with it, get a watertight prenup to protect yourself when things inevitably collapse - and for the love of God change your honeymoon plans.
virtualchoirboy said:
NTA. You know he's not ready to be married yet, right? Getting married means forming a new family with a partner, ideally for life. That new partner is supposed to be your priority.
That new partner is supposed to be the person you want to protect and keep happy. That new partner is someone that you shouldn't care about sharing details of the other parts of your life (except for surprise parties for said partner - those you can keep secret).
I've been married as long as you've been alive. That's what marriage means to me. What you've described in your post is a childish man-baby that is looking to retain the "freedom" of his single life but add a "label" of being married. He's absolutely not ready.
dragongirl17 said:
Nta don't marry this bloke he literally doesn't care about you it's sad, it's your effing honeymoon and that spiel you cant get mad like what! Is he 5 or something, he knows he is wrong and the fact he constantly disrespect you is disgusting.