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Groom kicks toxic family 'unit' out of the wedding for wearing all white; AITA?

Groom kicks toxic family 'unit' out of the wedding for wearing all white; AITA?


Everyone knows the textbook for wedding etiquette 101 is don't wear white or do anything that takes the spotlight away from the couple getting married, but what about a 'harmless' wardrobe prank?

So, when a frustrated groom decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about his family of vindictive bullies in a little clique, people were ready to help.

AITA (Am I the As^hole) for making all the women in my family leave after they all showed up to my wedding wearing white?

I (M33) have a large family. Mostly aunts and female cousins aside from mom, stepmom, stepsister and grandmother. I don't know how to say this but all those women I mentioned above are into teasing and joking.

They've formed a unit (which I admit is kind of toxic) and they'd tease and roast every new woman that enters the family by marriage by setting up 'tests' to see if they deserve to be part of the family.

Or roast their looks and styles to the point of breaking confidence and self esteem down. Then after a few months of teasing they'd announce that they've finally welcomed them into the family. The newest member would join in on the teasing too which is crazy as my dad says.

When I first introduced my then girlfriend now wife, I made it clear that I didn't want any of the women in the unit to come at her or harass her not even with a single word. They went behind my back and roasted her looks and job and I discovered they've been doing it on Facebook.

I had them apologize one by one after they gave the 'we're just testing the water to see if she's capable to be part of the family' excuse.'

They didn't want to apologize but once I said I wouldn't invite any of the unit unless they apologize including my mom everyone immediately apologized and brought gifts for my wife. First of them was my stepmom and my SIL.

My wedding was 2 weeks ago. There was talk about the women in the family wanting to pull a prank on my wife by wearing white and called it the 'ultimate test' to see how my wife react. My brother warned me so I announced that if anyone of them showed up in white I'd have them kicked out including mom.

They said this wasn't true and they'd never do such thing. But they showed up to my wedding one by one wearing white dresses and each an every one of them was told to leave after they tried giving excuses by either making scenes or getting the men involved.

The senior women of the unit who are Mom and aunts also showed up in white but refused to leave. I threatened to take harsher action and mom was pissed telling me to step aside but I didn't let her in. I had her leave while the men in the family were watching stunned, dad was on my side and supported me a lot.

I felt absolutely awful because my wedding was being interrupted by them making scenes. My wife was hurt beyond measure but the women in the family were pissed.

my cousin blasted me on social media later saying I excluded all the women from the wedding because my wife was so insecure she couldn't handle another woman's presence at her wedding.

I had an argument with them and mom berated me saying it was supposed to be a prank but I said they were taking it too far. Mom said I took it too far by kicking them out because they were trying to get reaction from my wife to see if she was one of those 'bridzillas' and were going to change soon as prank was over but I ruined my own and entire wedding by reacting so aggressively.

I stopped talking after she said I had to bring my wife and apologize. I haven't seen the lot of them in 2 weeks and they've excluded me from everything. WasITA for how I handled this?.

Later, the post was edited to include:

I just want to explain that (A) this has been happening for years. The men in the family are split on this behavior, some of them encourage it like my uncle and my cousins' husbands (one is now an ex) and some are against it like me and my dad and brother.

(B) the women claim that there's nothing hurtful in what they do because they claimed they're just looking out for us men and that their goal ultimately is to make sure the women who enter the family are decent.

(C) My dad always ends up arguing with my mom and grandmother since they're the ones who started this whole thing with their behavior and attitude towards other women.

(D) and I'm not sure if I should mention this but my male cousin who's a middle schooler said he'd make sure to leave the country before even meeting any woman because of this and it made me chuckle.

Also the dresses they showed up in were simple white dresses nothing over the top but still were white dresses. I realized they went ahead with their plans even after I stated what I'd do in that case.

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:

wannabyte said:

NTA - your family is toxic and I am so sad for your wife that they would do that, but also so happy for her that she has a husband who will support her and have her back. I'm sorry your family tried to hijack your wedding for a power play, but you did the right thing, and your marriage will be stronger because of it.

ColoHusker said:

NTA. This level of hazing has crossed the line to emotional abuse & blackmail. And that is probably understating it. It's very good you stood up for your spouse.

You handled it well but emotional blackmailers use family to pressure the victims into compliance with the abuse.

Most often when standing up to familial emotional blackmailers, it ends with forced no contact for non-compliance. No contact is healthier but it can be hard to be shunned from the family.

personaperplexa said:

NTA. The women of your family are bullies.

basicallyabasic said:

NTA. That is a very toxic family unit. Their “prank” would have cause a scene and been hurtful and distracting. You did the right thing each time you’ve stood up for your wife.

Substantial-Fox-4905 said:

NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. In this case, wear white to a wedding where you are not the bride and get kicked out.

A 'prank' is meant to be funny to ALL involved. Even if they had all gotten changed into other outfits, I don't see how their 'prank' was funny in the slightest and now they are doubling down saying it was some kind of 'test' to see if your wife was a bridezilla.

They sound like bratty high school children! Toxic ones at that!! Good on you for standing up to them both in the beginning and on your wedding day. It must have been incredibly hard but you did the right thing.

Note to anyone planning on playing a 'prank' on the bride on her wedding day: pranks are only funny if the subject of the 'joke' is laughing along with you...

Sources: Reddit
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