Groom only includes bio sister in wedding party, 'my stepfather told me he'd pay.' AITA?
"AITA for only having my bio sister in my wedding party and not including any step or half siblings even with offers to pay?"
I (27m) am getting married to my fiancée Millie (27f) in a few months. Millie's amazing and because of her we have everything planned fast which is why this is a topic of discussion now.
So I asked my sister India (26f) and my best friend/future BIL (when he marries India) Ryder (27m) to be my groomspeople. India is technically my best person but they're sharing everything since it's just the two of them.
Millie asked her three best friends to be her bridespeople which includes a guy best friend. Because I asked India and Millie asked a guy best friend to be in our direct wedding parties, my stepfamilies are having a field day over me asking India but none of my step or half siblings.
My parents are divorced. Both remarried. My stepfather and mother have a toxic on and off relationship. He has three kids from before they met, two from after, and they have two together. For the last 9 years they have been a little more solid and no breakups. Still toxic.
My stepmother is awful and I hate the woman, so does India. There's little to no relationship with her judgemental a#s. She had two sons before she met my dad. She and my dad have five more children together.
Of all "the siblings" I only give a sh#t about India. The others aren't to blame for the sh$tshow the parents created but I was never close to any of them, and there's no bond. So I don't plan to give them any jobs at the wedding. They're guests and nothing more. Same for both my parents and their spouses.
Some of the step and half siblings are upset, hurt, angry or offended at not being included in the wedding party. Especially my stepmother's two sons, they feel like they're the more obvious choice over India for being dudes. But some of the girls are also just like, if India can do it why not them as well.
I have made it clear nobody else is being asked. My stepfather told me he'd pay for me to include all his kids and I said no. Dad offered to pay for the wedding reception if I asked all the "siblings" on his side. Answer was also no.
Mom told me they would gift us a honeymoon or whatever we want for their side and again no. Stepmother called me a d and told me to think of etiquette and social standing. I told her to f off with her social standing. I don't give a sh$t about it. She called me vulgar. I said they can't buy people into the wedding.
I was told by several of the people involved that I'm excluding family, harming family harmony (there is none and never was) and I should think of the younger kids especially and how sad they'll be to not be counted as a sibling during the wedding when only India is involved.
I asked my mom and dad if they really wanted their younger kids and stepkids included by force when none of them are wanted in the wedding. I asked was that really what they were going for.
They were both angry at me for describing it that way. Which maybe was too harsh but no less true. Eloping is not what Millie and I want, which I know will be suggested. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Successful_Bath1200 said:
NTA. I inherited 3 steps when my Father remarried. None where asked to be in the wedding Party when I got married, they were just guests. no one got upset. Stand firm, you are right money can't and shouldn't be able to buy someones participation in your big day.
HowlPen said:
NTA. Am I adding this up right and there are 14 step/not step siblings between your bio parents and step parents? If you tried to accommodate 14 people that would take you from the nice small intimate wedding party of two each to circus. Some people like that but doesn’t sound like your style.
If you tried to accommodate a couple you’d just make a bigger mess. I would tell everyone there’s just too many of them and so you picked the one you are closest to “to represent the family” and hope everyone else enjoys being at the wedding as a guest. Their idea of “family harmony” is one crazy family tree!
Trick_Delivery4609 said:
NTA. Group text: "We already made our choices for the final wedding party. YOUR choice is to RSVP yes/ no to the wedding. If you are happy for us and behave at the wedding, we would love to have you there. If you can't, feel free to stay home."
throwawtphone said:
NTA. By my count thats an extra 14 people in the bridal party. Thats kinda ridiculous. Side note you having 2 and her having 3 is driving my ocd nuts, lollers. So to make it symmetrical, you should get 1 more person to be in your party....like a coworker or something that would really piss them off.
DoYaThang_Owl said:
NTA. You made it clear that you aren't close with any of them and its your fucking wedding. If they don't like that, they can literally f off somewhere else and preach to some one that cares.
Though to be precautious, considering they were trying to bribe you into letting them be in the wedding party, I'd hire security. I wouldn't put it past them to try to force their way in.
bestbobever said:
NTA - wedding parties are supposed to be people that are close to you. Not some ‘social standing’ obligation. It’s your parent’s fault they didn’t foster an environment that was conducive with creating a sibling bond with the other kids. Their repeated offers of money to include their other children in YOUR wedding is extremely tacky.
You might want to hire security to ensure no one makes a scene or tries to make your wedding about them. They sound like people who will continue to try and get their way by any means necessary.