"AITA for not allowing my nephew at my wedding?"
I (27M) and my fiancée (25F) are getting married this November. We decided to have a child-free wedding due to there being an open bar and personal experiences from going to other weddings where children interrupt or ruin special moments.
This will be communicated to everyone via the invitation and the website. My sister “T” (33F) has a son that will be turning 4 this year. His behavior is included in the past wedding experiences I mentioned earlier.
One of them being this past December. We all attended our cousin’s wedding and my nephew had a meltdown at the ceremony, smeared the wedding cake everywhere, and along with other children ran around playing during the first dance b/c of the smoke machine.
When T saw this on our wedding website, she called my fiancée and told her that her son was an exception because he’s close family. I took the phone and told her that he is not, but that we have made accommodations to have known and experienced sitters for any guests that need to bring their children, but that they will not be attending the wedding.
Our venue has another room that could be used to entertain children and includes food for them such as pizza, chicken tenders, and fries. T flipped out and said her son is going to the wedding whether we like it or not and called our parents. My mom tried to get me to change my mind saying that T will not come at all if her son is not invited.
My dad supported me and I continued to stand firm and even explained the accommodation that T just so conveniently left out and my mom backed off. After seeing her plan failed, T went and told the whole family.
Now I’m being bombarded that the other kids should use the accommodation, but my nephew should be an exception to the rule. Due to this unnecessary drama, I’m considering uninviting T. AITA for wanting a peaceful wedding without kids running around?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
shestammie said:
I always find “I’m not coming!” to be such a funny threat. Like good, it’ll be cheaper then. NTA.
wanderingmind47 said:
NTA. Your sister is being unreasonable. You’ve offered a perfect solution to allow her to attend without worry. Your wedding = your choice.
boredathome1962 said:
NTA. You have the right to have a childfree wedding, But in particular you have the right to have one where your undisciplined nephew doesn't have a meltdown and destroy the cake. I'd tell sis, we were going to have children, but YOUR inability to control your son changed our minds...but stand firm on this.
Bucky-Katt-Guitar said:
NTA, your sister is obviously the golden child and hates being told no. F her.
Cursd818 said:
NTA. Tell T that her son is not invited, and if she turns up with him, they will both be escorted off the premises. Or, uninvite her entirely. You clearly won't miss her. And tell anyone else who whines that they are welcome to not attend, but that you will not be bullied by anyone, and you're disappointed in their behaviour. End of discussion.
RNGinx3 said:
NTA. "The wedding is child-free, but we have generously provided accommodations for children should the parents be unable or unwilling to leave the kids behind. If we start making exceptions, everyone will want one, so this is a line we are not going to cross. Thank you for your understanding."
Repeat as necessary. If they continue to badger you, "We've already discussed remember? We have accommodations for the children so the parents can attend, but if you choose not to avail yourself of the services and don't want to come, we understand and will miss you. Hopefully we can catch up another time." As I often have to tell my kids on repeat, "Just because you don't like my answer, doesn't mean it's going to change."
UPDATE:
I appreciate everyone for their comments and feedback. I took some of your advice and have reached out to the family who is pestering me and have let them all know about the accommodation (just in case it slipped my sister’s mind again).
I have also let them know that there is no negotiations here on the matter and that if they continue their antics, they can witness the wedding from photos posted by other guests.
About a good 10 of them apologized for their responses as majority of them do not have children and didn’t receive the memo about the accommodation and backed down. The remainder either hasn’t responded or continued, therefore, those that continued on were uninvited. I contacted T today and told her that she is no longer invited to my wedding because of all this unnecessary drama and her entitlement.
SECOND UPDATE:
Sorry for not updating, yesterday was my future FIL’s birthday. Anyways, a lot of you guys asked how did T react to being uninvited. When I called her and told her she was uninvited, I hung up soon after and could only hear her just starting to yell right before I hung up. She did keep calling me until I blocked her. I did hear about what happened from my BIL though.
She basically had an adult temper tantrum. He said she started screaming how unreasonable I was, called me and my fiancée out of our names, and how I’m going to regret this down the line. She mentioned that she has a lot of our family members on her side and that they would not come because of her not coming (we don’t care, saves us money).
She’s still thinking that because of that I’m going to come to her and allow her to come so everyone else will. It won’t happen, but she’s free to think whatever. So far, 11 guests have been uninvited, 6 have been replaced. The rest are savings.