Groom bans brother from proposing to his GF at the wedding, 'I thought we were on the same page.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to let my brother propose to his girlfriend at my wedding?"

Hi, I (32M) recently got married to my amazing wife (30F), but what should’ve been one of the happiest days of my life turned into a major blow-up with my brother, T. (29M). Now I’m questioning if I handled things the wrong way, even though I feel like I was in the right.

T. and I have always been close, but he’s got a habit of making everything about him. He’s been dating his girlfriend, E. (29F), for about three years now. She’s wonderful, and honestly, we all thought they’d be engaged by now, but T. has always dragged his feet when it comes to big commitments.

About a month before my wedding, T. came to me with a “big idea.” He wanted to propose to E. during my wedding reception. His pitch was that weddings are all about love, and it would be “symbolic” for him to pop the question surrounded by family and friends. He also said it would save him the trouble of planning something elaborate.

I told him flat-out no. I explained that I wanted the day to be focused on my wife and me, especially since she put so much effort into planning every detail. I said it wouldn’t feel fair for our day to be overshadowed by someone else’s big moment. T. acted like he understood and said he’d find another time to propose. I thought we were on the same page.

Fast forward to the wedding day. Everything was going perfectly—ceremony, first dance, speeches. Then, during the reception, while people were starting their meals, I suddenly heard a commotion. I looked over and saw T. on one knee in the middle of the dance floor, holding out a ring to E.

The room erupted in cheers and clapping, but I was absolutely livid. E. looked shocked but said yes, and the two of them hugged while everyone crowded around them, congratulating them. Meanwhile, my wife and I were sitting at our table, stunned.

I pulled T. aside congratuled him awkwardly and asked him what the hell he was doing. He brushed me off, saying “It was the perfect moment! Everyone was already here, and it just felt right!”

I reminded him that I had explicitly told him no, but he rolled his eyes and said “Come on, man, it didn’t ruin anything. People are still celebrating your wedding.” Eventho afterwards everyone was just talking about them/to them.

My wife was heartbroken. She said she felt like her special day had been hijacked, and I completely agreed. The rest of the night was awkward—people kept congratulating T. and E. more than they talked about the wedding. To make it worse, during his toast, T. said, “It’s a big day for love in our family!” and basically turned it into a speech about him and E.

The next day, I confronted T. again. I told him how disrespectful and selfish his actions were, and that he owed both me and my wife a massive apology. Instead, he doubled down, saying I was overreacting and being selfish for trying to “control the day.” He said weddings are about family, and I should be happy that everyone got to celebrate two milestones instead of just one.

The rest of the family is divided. Our parents are upset with T. but think I should “let it go” because “it’s not worth ruining your relationship with your brother.” A couple of relatives said I’m being dramatic, but others told me they couldn’t believe T. pulled a stunt like that.

Now T. and I aren’t speaking. E. has been texting me, apologizing and saying she didn’t know he was going to propose that day, but T. insists he didn’t do anything wrong. My wife is furious and feels like her big day was stolen, and honestly I can’t blame her.

So, am I the ahole for not letting him propose—and for being angry that he did it anyway? Should I have just let it slide to keep the peace? I feel bad for being mad at him - E. is the love of his life, but in the same time i did tell him to not do this on ours special day.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TarzanKitty said:

Well, since he obviously has a wedding coming up. You and your wife should announce a pregnancy there.

Mediocre_Career8822 said:

Send him the bill for the reception since it essentially turned into his engagement party. NTA.

Famous-Back8353 said:

NTA. I would never talk to them again. That day is special and is supposed to be the one day you and your wife can be selfish and make it all about you guys. He shouldn’t have done that.

What made him think that was alright. If you get invited to their wedding, take away the spot light from him. Make his wedding about YOU. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I’m sorry this happened to you and your fiancé. That’s terrible.

the_dark_viper said:

NTA! He asked, you said no, and he did it anyways. He's the AH here and a major one. It sounds like your brother is in the words of the late Charlie Murphy, "A Habitual Line-Stepper."

No-Bus-5200 said:

Why do people always expect the harmed party to "keep the peace?" Your brother owes you an apology to "keep the peace." Maybe throw a "be the bigger person" just for funsies. NTA.

naranghim said:

NTA. Weddings are about the two people getting married and they have every right to "control the day." If I had been in E's shoes and I found out that you'd said "No" when he asked and he did it anyway, I would have given the ring back to your brother and left.

T you are a massive ahole for hijacking your brother's wedding to propose. It just shows that you are too damn cheap and tacky to do anything meaningful for your fiancée. Frankly your brother should find out about this post, especially if/when some of the replies start roasting him.