Groom offends family with 'please refrain from' section on wedding invites. AITA?

"WIBTA for having a small 'Please refrain from' section on the back of a wedding invitation?"

I (19M) am planning to get married to my gf (18F) later this year. Yes I know, it's young, but I'm not here to be judged for that.

On to the issue: We've recently finished designing our wedding invitations (or at least a first draft sort of thing) and mutually decided that it would be a good idea to include a couple notes on the back about conduct.

Two main factors play into this, one being the abundance of horror stories about people proposing or announcing their pregnancies at weddings, and the other being that her parents are abusive narcissists who've proven themselves untrustworthy and selfish throughout our relationship.

At the bottom of the back side of the invite, we wrote something like 'Out of courtesy, please refrain from the following:

1. Marriage proposals or pregnancy announcements

2. excessive white or off-white attire

3. photography during the ceremony' (we'll have a photographer and phone photography is very obnoxious in this scenario).

We both felt that these were very reasonable rules, but upon showing the invitation to my mother (60F), she found it offensive and called it alienating and 'ungodly' (Christian household) to have these guidelines.

She says if she were one of the non-family recipients, she would consider not even coming due to just that.

I pointed out that not coming in that scenario would mean that she doesn't agree with the rules, meaning we wouldn't want her there anyway, but she said it's not about the rules themselves, but about putting them on the invite this way.

She feels that anyone that we are worried about as far as the above issues are concerned should be spoken to privately, but I would like to avoid singling anyone out, which is why I've also leaned against having two separate versions of the invite.

WIBTA for including these guidelines? Feel free to ask for more information, thank you for reading :).

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this wedding drama. Here's what people had to say:

Lucky_Classroom6788 said:

You're asking for trouble. The people in your life who you feel need telling this are probably the sort that would read that and then go out of their way to do it.

JazzyKnowsBest13 said:

Yes, YWBTA (well, you and your intended would be). Those are all basic etiquette rules for weddings. Anyone who reads those rules will think it was written in poor taste. The people who are the types who would break those rules WILL break them anyhow.

Comfortable-Focus123 said:

Very gentle YTA - Although your thoughts are correct, I don't believe these additions are appropriate for a wedding invitation.

catsaway9 said:

YTA. It's just not done and it shows your lack of maturity. Plus it won't work. People who will behave already know how, and people who won't behave won't pay any attention to your note.

Whether they laugh at it, get offended by it, overlook it, or ignore it, it won't have the desired effect. It would just create drama. No one needs that kind of drama at their wedding.

toxie37 said:

NTA but don’t do it. That is tacky and off putting. And the kind of people who do those things are going to ignore it anyway so just don’t invite them.

dresses_212_10028 said:

YWBTA. This is bad manners and a lack of etiquette. Also - let’s be honest - the people you’re worried about possibly doing any of these things would still do them.

It doesn’t matter if they’re on the back of the invite, tattooed on your body or spelled out in fireworks. So it’s tacky for no reason and will not make any meaningful difference.

If you have a wedding website, you can have an FAQ section or let people just ask you. When people arrive to the ceremony have ushers request they turn their phones off.

barbaramillicent said:

The people who would wear white or propose/make a big announcement will only want to do it more when you tell them not to. As for photos, there’s graceful ways to have your officiant handle that before everyone starts walking down the aisle. I don’t think you’re an AH, but I do think all this would do is bait attention seekers.

Electrical-Ad-1798 said:

YTA or YWBTA rather, it's as obnoxious to put those things on an invitation as it is to do them. If you think it's going to be a problem don't invite the people you think will do it. Also, you could have your mother tell them very kindly to cut it out or have some goons as ushers who'll show those people the door.

So, there you have it...

It looks like everyone agreed unanimously here that this groom and his bride should listen to mom and refrain from the 'please refrain' list. Anyone who would consider stealing the spotlight from them on their wedding day probably wouldn't even read the invitation anyway.

And, like many people mentioned in the comments...anyone who would be tempted to cause mischief might be more inspired by a conduct list. Good luck, everyone!