Groom wants to exclude disabled brother from wedding. AITA?

"AITA for excluding my brother from my wedding because of his “fun facts”?"

I have an older brother David (41). David has boundary issues and was in the learning disabled classes. My parents never let him out of the home. He has an very rough personality and because he was never allowed to work or do anything so in his 40’s he doesn’t have friends.

He still dominates the conversation at every holiday with “fun facts” and goes off on those and doesn’t realize no one is listening.

My other siblings and I just really don’t like David because my parents let him do whatever and just dominate whatever social settings we are in. My older sister eloped because of David being my mom kept trying to find David a “place” at her wedding.

I’m getting married to Mel, and my youngest brother Nick is my best man. My sister who is close to Mel is in the bridal party. Her husband is one of my best men and their son is a ring bearer. My wife wants a real wedding and not be forced to elope like my sister did.

David has no place. He’s not going to be invited because the first thing he did was insult the ring I got my Mel was his “fun facts” about how diamonds are worthless and do not resell well. I should have got her a second hand engagement ring or a colored stone engagement ring.

We then got a history on engagement rings and marriage tradition. We tried shutting him up but he wouldn’t and my mom said let “the professor talk” Even at 40 she thinks my brother "fun facts" are cute.

This put a hard no on Mel’s stance that my brother can't come to the wedding. If my parents defend him, even once, they are not coming. She not having not wedding like my sister and it’s time for David to be put in his place.

Mom called and asked about wedding planning and I told her she wasn’t involved after what happened to my sister wedding dress shopping (Mom brought David who told everyone his fun facts about wedding dress history) that’s when my sister decided to elope.

I told mom if she and dad wanted to come to the wedding as guests they can but David isn’t invited. Mom didn’t talk for awhile. I think she started crying because my dad took over the phone call. I told him what upset mom and said David isn’t invited and mom can’t be trusted to be involved in wedding planning without David tagging along.

Dad said he doesn’t understand why we all hate David and I told him what is wrong with his “fun facts” My dad said “the boy likes to talk and there’s no harm in it” I told my dad that’s the thing there is harm in David’s "fun facts" and now no one wants to be around him.

Dad started arguing saying stuff in defense of David and I told dad we are at a stalemate and I guess all 3 of you won’t be coming to the wedding. I’m sorry but that is how it is.

I ended the conversation with my dad and my mom has been upset texting like a crazy person to everybody about how we all need to understand David. What I’m doing is mean. Mel feels like this whole thing is why I can’t invite David or my parents. I agree that they can’t even be trusted to come to my wedding without sneaking David in.

Let's see what readers thought:

agaui writes:

NTA for not wanting David at your wedding. Although I think you could have said it more nicely, that you don't want David to interrupt your wedding or take any spot light with his uninteresting fun facts - I get, why you were like that and it was a long comming.

Maybe if you want your parents at your wedding, invite them to talk about it. And tell them firm, your points and that they can choose here, if they want to once support you or just stick to David and miss out on your wedding. Maybe they have a change of hearts.

daag9 writes:

YTA . Dude talks too much and therefore cannot come to your wedding? I totally get that he's not a good choice for your inner circle. He wouldn't give a good speech or play a good role. He's still family. Talking too much and about odd things is not that bad.

kamisin writes:

ESH - your brother clearly has some type of disability or other issue. He's annoying sure but he didn't insult your ring. His brain probably operates in a way that makes linkages and he says whatever knowledge he has. He's not socially aware but many conditions result in this.

He does not sound mean just annoying. I think compassion is lost and people just want a picture perefect life. How would you have liked it if you were in a diability class and your siblings shun you because you say fun facts? You think Mel wpuld want you? Maybe thank God you don't have that issue,

He was never guven the proper support and as adult siblings none of you are helping just excluding. Have any of you tried to take him to a dr to be diagnosed? No - you just scorn him.

Your mom was inappropriate for taking him wedding dress shopping. Personally, I couldn't hate my "disabled" or "impacted" brother so much over fun facts. If you can't handle my brother I wouldn't want you either. 100% he'd be invited to the wedding and seated with my parents. He would not be invited wedding dress shopping.

All I'm seeing here is that it's ok to exclude people who are different. Hr talks too much -so many "normal" people behave like idiots when high/drunk having a good time yet they are more acceptable. Be kind OP and marry someone who is kind too.

tejptuya writes:

NTA in either case. But your parents absolutely failed David. How would he ever live on his own when they're gone? And your dad calls him a "boy." My god. My best wishes for you and your sister and your spouses, and I hope your parents face the "fun facts" about figuring out where David will go when they're gone.