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Groomsman asks if he's wrong to demand to be paired with a different bridesmaid.

Groomsman asks if he's wrong to demand to be paired with a different bridesmaid.


Being in a wedding party can be an expensive, but exciting and beautiful journey in matching outfits, long photoshoots with forced laughter, and champagne on an empty stomach...

So, when a conflicted groomsman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his sister's upcoming wedding plans, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for refusing to walk with my sister's “friend” in her wedding and requesting a different girl?

So is this whole situation I (27M) find myself in. I do think the backstory is important here. So my sister is getting married in November. We are really close and always have been. So I find this whole situation to be even weirder.

I’ve been asked to be a groomsman on her fiancé’s side. Me and him are cool and it was important to my sister that I’m included. I was really looking forward to it until I saw who I was paired with.

So two years ago I met this girl named Tara (26F) on a dating app. We started talking daily. FaceTimed a lot. Went on dates. We talked for over 3 months. And I felt like it was actually going somewhere. Well after one of the dates she completely ghosted me. Sent a follow up text but got nothing back.

I won’t lie. I was really upset. I even talked to my sister about it. Well Covid hit and I moved away for a job. Come back to find out my sister and Tara are now friends? Apparently my sister got a new job. Tara recognized the last name. Reached out to her and they became friends.

Such good friends in fact that she is now a bridesmaid and hangs at my parents house. And my parents know her? I found out they were friends literally 3 weeks ago.

She never mentioned it to me. I asked if she knew it was the Tara I got ghosted by. And she said Tara had told her. But wanted to keep their conversations private.

Then a random text from Tara. Asking what I wanted to do for our entrance dance. I immediately called my sister. Who informed me that Tara and I would be paired up. Including the entrance dance. I asked why.

I know many of her bridesmaids and she had to pair me with the one who ghosted me? She said she had her reasons. And Tara also asked for me specifically.

I never responded to Tara and instead went to talk to my sister in person. Got the same answers. And this time she sounded offended??? That I asked for a different person. I told her how uncomfortable it made me. And she told me to stop overthinking. And just have fun. I said that she didn’t understand how hurt I was.

She said she had an idea, but to just do it as her wedding gift. I told her I’d be stepping down from the wedding party. I’ll just go as a guest. She went apesh*t. Saying I couldn’t do that. And she wanted me up there. I said fine then switch me to a different girl.

She said she wasn’t going to. So I told her I’d be dropping out. My parents are calling me an as*hole. But I don’t think I am. It’s a weird request and I’m not about it. AITA?

While it's definitely awkward to have to walk down the aisle linking arms with your ex who seemingly fell off the face of the earth, the bridesmaid-groomsman interaction is usually minimal...

Still, it's bizarre to force your brother into an uncomfortable situation just because you happen to have a new friend who dated him. Yes, this is stirring the pot, but it sounds like the bride is working with Tara to try and rekindle the relationship?

Of course, people were eager to weigh in on this wedding drama. Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say:

Otherwise_Turn_869 said:

NTA (Not the As*hole) they might be trying to set you guys back up, but why would you want to when not one person is willing to openly clear the air about what happened? Instead they try to force you two together, without explanation, and expect you put aside your own feelings and self-respect to accommodate this, which is unnecessary in the 1st place.

And while you're gone, she gets close to your sister and parents. What a weird scenario, which could be easily explainable, until you factor in the subterfuge, gaslighting, secrecy, manipulation and family pressure.

What a weird situation, like they all know something you don't about something that directly affected you, and rather than help you get clarity they all run cover for her.

Sea-Confection-2627 said:

NTA. Tara and your sister are up to something, but you do not have to let them play their stupid game. Contact your future BIL. Tell him you were honored by the request but you have to step down from being in the wedding party. Tell him why. Tara and your sister can go pound sand if they don’t like it.

SamSpayedPI said:

NTA. You've been more than reasonable. It's not like you're insisting that Tara not come to the wedding, or even step down as a bridesmaid, just that you don't want to be paired with her. I don't understand why your sister — and your parents — don't understand why you don't want to spend the evening with a girl who you dated and broke up with you.

Stranger0nReddit said:

NTA. It sounds like Tara wants to pretend she never ghosted you and hopes to get with you, and your sister is trying to push it by insisting on pairing the two of you. Super not cool, and it's shitty your parents say YOU'RE the As*hole. No. At this point I'd just insist on stepping down from the wedding party.

memphisriley6 said:

NTA, and honestly Tara comes off as kind of creepy. She’s besties with your sister now and hangs out at your parents’ house and is apparently also friends with your parents? That’s weird. It’s just…weird. Your sister can pair you with someone else, she can have you as a guest at her wedding but not a groomsman, or she can basically blow up her relationship with you over Tara.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this groomsman isn't at all wrong to refuse to be paired with a woman who ghosted him, but he should do some detective work to see if there are other motives at play. Even if he attends the wedding as a guest, his sister and Tara might make a matchmaking plan. Good luck, everyone!

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