Groomsman refuses to go to friends' wedding if they don't change the attire, 'I'm a swimsuit model.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to go to my friends' wedding last minute if they don’t change the groomsman’s outfit?"

I (20M) got invited to be a groomsman in my close friends’ (24M/23F) wedding and was elated. My friends are both fashion designers (more artistic photoshoots than commercial), so they said they were going to design all of the outfits to suit the person wearing and asked me if I’d be down.

I said I’d absolutely love it, and to feel free to do whatever - but I did say that in the context of capes or high boots. Also, on-season me is a vain idiot who’s far too comfortable with his looks.

The summer passed and they talked about a few of the outfits, but were keeping most of them secret until the fall. Cool. Friday, they finally sent out the info to make sure everyone knew what they were wearing. I love the design of mine, except for one detail. They didn’t give me a shirt.

So, for context, I’m a photography and swimsuit model. People do take pictures of me shirtless a lot. But fall is my off season, and I’m not in good condition right now. I don’t think I’m overweight or anything, but I don’t look good, and I would really like to wear clothes right now.

I told them basically that - that this looked a little cool for a fall wedding and I wasn’t in great shape to wear it. They said it’d be fine and I should just go for it, and told me about how much work they had put into designing it.

I told them again that I just don’t feel alright wearing it - reality doesn’t work like staged photoshoots, my abs look awful, and since I’m the only one that doesn’t have a real shirt at all it feels…uncomfortable. They got kind of mad and said that if I was so flustered by my weight, I should go on a diet. I told them I’m not a stripper and hung up.

Yeah, mature, I know. (They did text me after to apologize for the diet comment, and I apologize for the stripper comment.) The other problem is that apparently they’ve designed the bridesmaids and groomsmen’s outfits in pairs. Viola is wearing something designed to be balanced with mine.

She gets a shirt, of course, but it was designed to go with mine and she’s super into her outfit and seamed pretty upset when I said I was trying to get mine changed. I get throwing a shirt or vest of waistcoat or something will ‘throw off the composition’ and they’ve only got three weeks to plan and make it, but at this point I just don’t care.

But Viola’s awesome and looked genuinely deeply upset, and she wasn’t the one who decided to plan this, so I feel awful about how it’d affect her if I drop or refuse the outfit.

I aslo know they put a lot of work into this and probably aren’t trying to be remotely creepy, so I don’t know why I’m reacting this bad. I’m just hurt they didn’t care more about me than about their designs, but at the same time, I’m being irrational and those outfit definitely took months to plan and sew. Help.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Archon-Toten said:

NTA I'm no fashionista but how can you, shirtlessly match someone wearing a shirt?

JurassicParkFood said:

I'd never demand someone go to a public event without a shirt. That's just bizarre. NTA.

awwaygirl said:

NTA. You’re there as a groomsman, not a paid model for their costumes. They should have made sure the outfits were in everyone’s comfort zone.

AlbanyBarbiedoll said:

NTA - but be a problem-solver. Could you not wear a skin-tight flesh-toned shirt so that your actual body would be covered but the aesthetic of the design would be unbroken? I am thinking of that "illusion" fabric ice skaters use on costumes, etc.

SpicyPorkWontonnnn said:

NTA...all the nopes my dude. They needed to ask you the key question about being comfortable without a shirt before they started designing. That's just wild to me that they didn't even consider giving you a ring when they decided it would be awesome and creative.

fishwhisper22 said:

Definitely NTA, doesn’t seem like it would be that hard to work a short in the design, what if the shirt was skin colored? But damn it, if you do work it out, I want to see a photo of the wedding party! Seems cool.