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Groomsmen refuses to buy a wedding present for the couple, 'it's greedy;' AITA?

Groomsmen refuses to buy a wedding present for the couple, 'it's greedy;' AITA?


Being in a wedding party often comes with some financial surprises as the bachelorette/bachelor party, travel expenses, gifts, and day-of attire can add up quickly...

Still, part of the fun of standing up at the altar is being there to celebrate a friend, and it's better to bow out of the role when its offered if you suspect that you'll resent the groom for asking you to rent a matching tuxedo. So, when a conflicted groomsman decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet about wedding-related costs, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

WIBTA (Would I be the As#hole) if I, as a groomsmen, didn't get a wedding present for the bride and groom?

First, coming up with the money for the present isn't an issue. I can comfortably come up with it. However, they've insisted to all attending the wedding that they do not want gifts but money instead.

I'm not a fan of the idea, I think it's greedy...However that is not the reason I don't want to give them $200 (100 from myself, 100 on my wife's behalf.)

We ended up renting tuxedos (not suits despite some input from everyone else). The bill for the rental (for one night) is 250. To me that's a lot of money to toss out the window for one night, even if it's a wedding.

Now they're asking all the groomsmen to take the Friday off before the wedding, to go golfing before the rehearsal that is on the Saturday. One week's notice has been given, which is kind of a pain for everyone in the group.

(Let it be known I had Friday off regardless, so it doesn't impact me but the rest of the groomsmen were 'instructed' to take a sick day.

So a loss of a day's pay, loss of a sick day as none of the group get paid for their sick days, and $250 dollars for a tux that good enough or AITA?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one:

_randapanda_ said:

YTA agreeing to be in someone’s bridal party is agreeing to a monetary commitment. Separately, the traditional purpose of wedding gifts is to help a couple begin their lives together. In an era when couples didn’t move in until they were married it made sense to give them physical gifts to start their home.

Nowadays, most people already have spatulas and flatware and live together before getting married, so an avenue to help them set up their lives in a financial token. Your opinion on it is irrelevant.

If that’s what they’re asking for, and you’re in a financial position to comfortably give it, you are an as-hole for not doing it and using the fact that you’re already spending money (which you agreed to previously) as an excuse.

Ann-von-Beaverhausen said:

All of those things - time off work, paying for appropriate clothing, and attending a bachelor party are pretty standard for being a groomsman - it’s the same for bridesmaids.

Being a wedding attendant is really expansive, but I don’t think it means you don’t get a gift as well. The two things are separate.

So, yah, I think YWBTA if you don’t give a gift. I don’t think it needs to be $200 though - you could give a more modest gift in light of the other expenses.

MissingMyBaby said:

Yta If you didn't want to participate in the extra things that come with being a groomsman then you could of said no. You don't have to go golfing, I get that it's short notice, and a bit of an inconvenience, yet if you don't give them a gift YWBTA.

DumplingFam said:

YTA. It’s not uncommon for members of bridal and groom parties to have to pay for their own dresses and tuxes. Having to pay for those doesn’t really “cancel out” getting a gift.

Lots of brides and grooms ask for no boxed gifts (aka money) for their weddings because they realize how expensive some of the products on wedding registries can be and would rather use their gift money how they see fit.

Telkella said:

YTA absolutely. You agreed to be in the wedding party, which means agreeing to spend some money and time in exchange for being part of the bride and groom's big day.

Nobody forced you to be a groomsman; if you didn't want to wear a tux and possibly take some time off work, you should have declined. $250 for a tux rental and one single day off work is MINIMAL for a wedding party, especially when you admit you can easily afford it. Don't be that guy.

Your friends love you enough to want you to be part of this huge moment in their lives...and you're griping about the groom wanting to spend ONE DAY golfing with his buddies.

Appreciate the fact that you have lovely, reasonable friends and give them a nice gift (of money, because some people don't want a bunch of STUFF which they probably already have).

If you don't, it will be friendship-ruining, and they'll remember you forever as that dear friend who couldn't be bothered to wish them well on their wedding day.

So, there you have it...if you agree to be in a wedding, you often have to forsake some cash. Later, he edited to post to include:

I have received some good advice. If I want to continue my relationship with this person, I shouldn't squabble over a short term problem.

Sources: Reddit
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