"AITA for still bringing up an old grudge against my in-laws after more than a decade?"

My MIL is big on family tradition and has professional family portraits taken every holiday season. This year's photos just came back and my MIL was sharing the album at a birthday party this weekend with extended family and friends.

The discussion came around to my wife and I and how long we've been together. Someone noticed I wasn't in photos that I should have been and asked about it and my MIL went silent. See, I wasn't included in these portraits for a number of years because "only family" could be in the photos. Since my wife and I were "only dating", they felt I shouldn't be in the portraits because it "probably wouldn't work out."

My wife and I met in college and dated thru school and had a relatively long engagement as we got on our feet so we were together almost 7 years before our wedding. Despite all our time together, and my wife begging each year, my MIL and SILs insisted that I shouldn't be in the portraits until we said our vows, even the year before our wedding despite the date set and save-the-dates sent.

And honestly, it always hurt and was like a yearly reminder that I wasn't truly "family" to them. The real kicker to me though is that my MIL and SILs were all married and since divorced in that time, one of my SIL twice!

So all these photos that I wasn't worthy to be part of include men that are not only not a part of the family anymore, but 2 were really a$$holes and all three of my SILs marriages were short-lived relationships and ended in messy divorces on really bad terms.

But me, who is still here and the other half of the only long lasting and successful relationship of my wife's immediate family, was not included in this tradition for nearly a decade.

So anyway, I started laughing when the question came up and went over the story and pointed out how all these jerks are in the photos but I wasn't allowed. And I apparently took a bit of joy in the fact that since my MIL and SILs pretty much hate those men now, the portraits are kind of useless and stay locked in a cabinet all year because of it. (It used to practically be a coffee table book)

Well, my MIL started crying, my SILs were offended at my portrayals of their marriages, and everyone else who didn't see the humor was pretty much upset at me for calling them out for their unfair practices.

I felt like I acted fairly at the time by just pointing out how the tradition backfired but my wife mentioned that I still get pissy each year over the photos and always have something snarky to say and it's long past time I let it go. Maybe she's right, she usually is, but I can't tell you how irked I get every time that damn album comes out. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Zygomaticus said:

ESH but mate so justified. I understand your pain and how they've treated you sucks but you can't rub them the wrong way if you want them to consider you family and open their arms to you. You have to find a way to let this go or fix it so that you can move on and not sabotage your future with them.

Be the bigger person and show them they were wrong about you every single day with your actions and by loving your wife, not by rubbing raw wounds :).

The_Real_Scrotus said:

YTA. I don't think there's anything about your in-laws rule which is unfair. They aren't treating you badly or inconsistently. The family photos include spouses. When you became one, you got included. All you had to say when asked was "We weren't married yet, so I wasn't in the pictures."

Instead you had to go and drag up a bunch of bad feelings because you're all pissy you didn't get included. Your wife is absolutely right, it's long past time you let it go.

cosmicharmander said:

I was so on your side right up until you started pointing out how everyone in the family is a big ole failure at marriage so YTA.

And jzdelona said:

YTA Their rule of spouses and family only is not that weird, and then you gloat because SILs have had to go through painful divorces. Just plain petty and mean-spirited. You definitely owe apologies all around.