Man ignores fiancée, attends ex's family funeral; 'I guess our wedding isn't as important to me as you thought.'
"AITA for telling my fiancée 'I guess our wedding isn't as important to me as you thought' after she told me not to go to an old friends funeral?"
ThrowRA_funeral_Ex
I made this throw away account yesterday and I've been debating for the past 24 hours whether or not I should even post about this. I'm 29M with a 31F fiancée, we're due to get married in on the fifteenth of July, or at least we were.
For a little backstory, I dated my first girlfriend, whom I'll call Cassie, back when we were sixteen and dated for about three years. Since we were highschoolers we ended up meeting each other's families pretty quickly.
Cassie had a little brother that I'll call Kyle who was ten that I unexpectedly became really close to, the kid really looked up to me, he said I was like his big brother. Me and Kyle spent a lot of time playing video games and he would sometimes ask me to help him with his homework.
But of course this didn't last forever, me and Cassie broke up and we began to drift away from each other's families. And eventually, I even moved out of that town entirely, making it impossible for us to see each other again.
Flash forward to just a couple of days ago, I get contacted by Cassie telling me something heartbreaking. Kyle died in a car accident when he collided with a drunk driver. I was devastated, I know we haven't seen each other in about a decade, but when I think of him I think of the same kid I knew back then.
Cassie asked me to fly out for the funeral, she said Kyle would have wanted me there. I agreed without hesitation and told her I'd definitely be there. Before booking a plane ticket however, I decided it was important to tell my fiancée first.
I approached her and told her about the funeral, who it was for, and who invited me. She told me I can't go. I asked why and she said that she didn't want me going because my Ex was there. Because she thought Cassie might try something with me.
I told her I'm pretty sure she'd be too upset over her brother to try and sleep with me. She told me she had no way of knowing that since she's never met Cassie before.
I told her she could come with, if I asked Cassie to invite my fiancée so we could go together I doubt she'd refused. But my fiancée told me it was creepy to go to the funeral of a stranger.
So I just told her I don't care if she comes with me or if I have to go by myself, I will definitely be going though. She told me I was jeopardizing our wedding by choosing to go to this funeral.
So I snapped at her and said that clearly our wedding isn't as important to me as she thinks it is and I stormed off. I ended up booking that plane ticket and leaving that evening and I'm currently in my hotel room, the funeral will start in just a couple of hours.
When I get back home I'm expecting to no longer have a fiancée, I'm really starting to wonder if I made the right call or not. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Apart-Ad-6518
NTA
"She told me I was jeopardizing our wedding by choosing to go to this funeral."
It's a red flag that your fiancee is making news you describe as "heartbreaking" about her imho.
"But my fiancée told me it was creepy to go to the funeral of a stranger."
Kyle was also not a stranger. And you offered to ask Cassie if your fiancee could go. So there's also an unwilingness to compromise. You cared about Kyle & therefore it's right you should go. I hope you work things out with your fiancee if that's what you really want, but she's being unfair here. Sorry for your loss.
IAlmostDidThatThing
If you had stayed home for the rest of your life everything you do that she doesn’t approve of would be “jeopardising your wedding / marriage”. She’s jeopardising your relationship by being controlling and clearly not having trust that your relationship is strong enough to withstand any random thing she doesn’t like.
IrrelevantManatee
NTA. I get that she is wary of your ex, like she said, she doesn't know her. But... she knows you, right?! Like, the man she wants to marry?! Does she really think all it needs for you to cheat is... someone that asks during a trip for a funeral?? Does she thinks so little of you?!
jrm1102
NTA - I’m sorry for your loss. Your (ex) fiance showed you her true colors. This was someone you were close to who died tragically. You have every right to go to this funeral. Your gf’s jealousy is preposterous and some wild insecurity. Just be happy all youll lose out on is the wedding deposit.
RickRussellTX
NTA. Not going to lie, when you started this story I thought it was a date conflict, and you'd picked the funeral over the wedding. But there's no date conflict and STILL your fiancee won't let you go? That's cold. Really cold. A man is dead and all your GF decides to accuse you of cheating. That's... well, that really tells you something about her character.
Tls-user
NTA - if her first words weren’t “I’m so sorry you lost someone who mattered to you, of course you should go to pay your respects “ than she is not someone you want to marry.
Character_Schedule34
This unimaginable tragedy has a silver lining. It happened before you married a monster. Take this is a sign, Kyle may well have saved you from a life of misery. I'm glad to hear you are going to the funeral, and hopefully when you come home, you can start a new chapter of your life.