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Guest asks if she'd be wrong to wear 'show-stealing' dress that the 'bride' vetoed.

Guest asks if she'd be wrong to wear 'show-stealing' dress that the 'bride' vetoed.


Brides usually choose what their bridal party will wear, but demanding a strict dress code from the guests might land you the 'Bridezilla' title in the 'Bride Squad' group chat...

So, when a conflicted wedding guest and college student decided to vent to the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As%hole' about some dress drama, people were ready to help out.

WIBTA for wearing a dress to a wedding that the 'bride' asked me not to?

I recently purchased a dress for a wedding that is going to be the first week of April. While I am not in the bridal party, I am very close to most of the members and the bride. We are all in the same group chat for social, non-wedding reasons.

I bought a dress that I thought was gorgeous and affordable for me and because all the other bridal members where showing off their dresses in the group chat (they all have different dresses in the same color) I sent mine in too.

Everyone agreed that my dress was nice! Also, I was not the only non-bridal party member to do this.

Anyway a few nights ago the maid of honor reached out to me and told me that the bride had confided in her that she loved my dressed but felt it was 'show stealing' and that I would get more attention then her.

Then the MOH asked me not to wear it out of respect for the bride.

This led me to be deeply confused because:

1. I am not particularly attractive. If I am being generous with myself, I am a 6.5 on a really good day... and certainly not the prettiest in our friend group.

2. My dress is also really just not that special.

I am not sure what this is rooted in. My only suspicion is that it is because I am quite thin and she is not. (I do feel like an as$hole for saying that, regardless).

Beyond anything: 3. This does not seem like something my bride friend would normally care about--although I know people get weird around weddings.

Anyway...I am a broke grad student and I don't want to buy another dress and I just want to wear the one I have.

Also, I just feel like if the bride didn't ask me directly then there is a good chance that its not that big of a deal and maybe the MOH is looking into way too much. WIBTA if I just wore it anyway?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this mess:

[deleted] said:

The MOH handles situations like this in order to minimize stress for the bride. Even though the bride didn't tell you directly, her voice is coming through the person she's chosen as her right-hand woman.

It doesn't really make sense that the MOH would make this up without the bride saying something. If you really want, you can reach out to the bride directly and ask, but if I were in your shoes I'd just borrow or thrift a dress or wear something else I already owned.

icamom said:

YWBTA. I would respond to the MOH, and say that you understand, that you don't want to make the bride uncomfortable but really can't afford another dress.

Could someone help you out? Maybe there is someone in the wedding party that can loan you one, or someone can find one for you.

[deleted] said:

YTA if you wear it without checking with the bride. You have your answer. It's her party. I think you have 3 options: wear something else, check with the bride, or skip the wedding.

___shan said:

Even though it probably seems unfair YTA if you do something knowing the bride would be unhappy. The wedding is about the couple and not you.

As others have said it’d be fine to approach the bride directly to make sure it’s actually coming from her and the maid of honour isn’t just weirdly inserting her own opinions where it’s not wanted.

imreallysuchalady said:

ESH. It’s not even a near-white colored dress or a hot pink/red AKA show stealing dress, so the bride/MOH is TA. But if you attend the wedding wearing the dress after the MOH addressed her concerns, YTA.

This is an unfortunate situation, but best bet would be to wear another dress and avoid all the drama to come.

Konjonashipirate said:

First of all, hold up. Physical attractiveness is not a justification for asking someone not to wear a dress. Second, have more confidence! Bride sounds petty to me.

At first, I thought the dress was going to be too similar to what the bride's maids are wearing or to the bride's dress. There's nothing wrong with your dress. The bride sounds very insecure.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly divided here, most people agreed that she would be wrong to wear something that the bride blatantly asked her not to, regardless of how petty it all might seem. Reaching out directly to the bride seems like the best solutution at this point, but worst case scenario is she can always skip the wedding? Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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