Guest gets ghosted by bride after she asks to bring 6-week-old infant to child-free wedding. AITA? UPDATED.
"AITA for asking to bring my infant to a child-free wedding?"
I have a 6 week old and a 3 year old. 3 will be going to Grandma's for the wedding regardless, no one needs toddler drama at a wedding. 6w is breastfed and has never been away from me longer than maybe 3 hours max, and that was with their dad.
6w will be about 9w at the time of the wedding, so still pretty little. I messaged the bride today saying I'm a bit concerned about leaving him for so long, and if it's okay to bring the baby.
I did say if not that's fine we will just have to leave early, or at least I will and my husband is welcome to party on if he can get a lift with a friend or something.
She's seen the message and hasn't replied, and now I'm wondering AITA for asking? Should I just have organized care for baby and left early but not said anything? For context we are groom's friends, husband and groom have been friends since school, but bride and I/other partners always got along well and she's not a bridezilla at all.
EDITS:
ETA not sure if this makes any difference to votes, but where I live it's very common for new infants to still go to child free weddings, but no children older than a few months.
Also if she says no totally cool I'll make arrangements or end up staying home and hubby to go, it's not a big deal, I didn't think just asking the question would be a huge AH move, it's not like I want to bring my toddler as well, just the infant.
I would obviously take them outside if they even started grumbling so there won't be a screaming child interrupting any of their moments, I'm not an idiot.
2nd ETA: Wedding was rescheduled, originally I was still going to be pregnant hence why we rsvp'd yes, with the reschedule and my baby coming quite early it threw our original plans out.
I can pump, it's more he doesn't do well away from me and because he's usually breastfed he may not take to a bottle well. I like the idea of having a close by location I can quickly go check on bub but also not have the bride have to explain why I have a baby at the wedding, clearing it with her first obviously.
They've said they would want us both there, hence why I'm not just automatically staying home with the newborn, since that's obviously the easiest option.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
sPacEdOUTgrAyCe said:
Not wrong for asking. But I’m a mom that nurses & was put in this situation for a close friend. It sucked. We rented a hotel room & had a sitter and I basically ran back & forth all night. Some babies don’t take a bottle, it’s just THAT simple (since people think it’s SO DAMN simple to give a bottle)
I’d send hubby & stay home. Unless the wedding is outside it’ll be too loud for the reception dancing anyway. Good luck in your decision.
Jewelsabub said:
You’re not wrong for asking, just respect the answer and make your decision from there.
Bookaholicforever said:
My brother's wedding was child free and they had two infants there for the same reason you’re asking. You aren’t wrong for asking. But unless they’re super close to you or whatnot, I’d send your husband and you stay home.
Few_Painting4121 said:
NTA for asking, just please respect the answer you receive. I had a child free wedding and after telling two different guests that they could not bring their infants, one showed up with theirs anyway. I was especially annoyed because the other friend (who was much closer to me) probably felt like shit when she saw there was another baby there.
bellamellayellafella said:
Child free means child free, OP, and the bride may now feel like she's put in an awkward position with you having asked for special treatment.
ZookeepergameNo7151 said:
You are wrong. Granted not maliciously, but if it's a child free wedding it's a child free wedding. How many other people might have legitimate reasons like yourself, but are still respecting the wishes of the bride and groom? Once one person gets a pass, for whatever reason, it just happens a whole can of worms.
You always have the option of not going, sure you'd love to go but other need to raise that a wedding invite isn't a summons, you don't HAVE to go.
UPDATE:
Bride got back to me, as I guessed she had just been busy at work and replied when she got home saying to be fair to all guests she'd rather I didn't and understands if I can't attend/attend the whole time.
I said no problem totally understand and hubby will be attending the whole time regardless, from her reply I don't think she took any offense to me asking and probably just got sidetracked at work before she could reply.