Guest refuses to leave wedding after getting kicked out for 'white' dress. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to leave a wedding because I wore a dress that looks white under a black light?"
A few months ago I attended a close friend’s wedding with my husband. I wore a YELLOW dress. Think like Belle in Beauty of the beast yellow. Bumble bee yellow. So yellow that I did not question if it was appropriate or not to wear to a wedding and neither did my friends nor family.
I arrive at the wedding, we have the ceremony, the cocktail hour, the dinner and the reception. I get many compliments on the dress and the bride even comments on how much she loves it several times. Towards the end of the reception the venue dimmed the lights and turned on some blacklights. These blacklights made my dress appear more white than yellow.
A member of the wedding party approached me while the blacklights were on and stated that I needed to leave because my dress was “white” and “inappropriate.” I stated that the dress was yellow but the blacklights were making it appear white. The member of the wedding party stated that if i didn’t leave she would “make me.”
I stated I’m here to celebrate my friend, repeated that the dress was yellow and said I will not be leaving early (bride and groom hadn’t left yet and I came from overseas). The conversation while heated, did not have raised voices or foul language from either side.
But I will say it was tense. The wedding party member walked off and I watched as they immediately went to talk to the groom, angrily pointing in my direction. The groom shrugged and continued to dance.
The next morning I was approached by a different friend at breakfast (not in the wedding party) who stated that they heard what happened and that I should have left when asked because it made people “uncomfortable” and that I made it about me “partying” rather than “respecting wedding etiquette.”
I have felt incredibly embarrassed about this since….so am I the asshole for not leaving the wedding when asked?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Ducky818 said:
NTA. Who checks their attire under black lights to see if it "passes." Ridiculousness. I understand if it appeared white under normal lights but c'mon, this was an unusual situation at the end of the reception. You are fine and whomever approached you was completely and utterly out of line. Some people have nothing better to do than look for problems that don't exist.
sugarsyrupguzzler said:
NTA. Did the bride even care? Sounds like friends making pointless drama considering they went to the groom, not the bride. And if the bride cared, the groom would have known.
You might give the bride a call and explore. If she was offended, apologize and explain. It's up to her to accept or not. I mean, it's not like your dress was white during the ceremony.
CoverCharacter8179 said:
NTA, the people who are worried about this need some actual problems in their lives. Pro tip: When they turn the lights down and put a black light on, the "wedding etiquette" portion of the evening is over and it's about partying.
Avlonnic2 said:
Let me get this right. You came from overseas, investing quite a lot of money, to attend a wedding. The bride heartily approved your attire. Then someone decides to change the lighting and you are treated like that?
And the bride/groom didn’t put an immediate stop to their incredibly rude wedding-party-attire-police? Unacceptable on the part of the bride and groom. You are owed a huge apology. NTA.
RocMills said:
NTA. You didn't make it about you partying, the other person did that. You traveled to be present at the wedding of your friend, who, we presume, invited you. If the bride didn't care how your dress looked under blacklight, and the groom didn't care...
the only people who were made "uncomfortable" by your attire were the people the complainer was talking to. THAT person made it about them instead of being about the happy couple.
Extra_Ad8939 said:
NTA. I'm glad you stood your ground. If it was a direct problem the bride or groom would’ve made it known to you but as you said they already stated they liked your yellow dress. The wedding party member that approached you made it a problem for whatever reason but you’re fine tbh.