'AITA for being upset that my half brother won’t give me my dead dad's guitar?'
"AITA for being upset that my half brother won’t give me my dead dad's guitar?"
I’m the oldest of 5 kids (38f) I’m raising 4 daughters with my husband in our home, and earlier this year we remodeled a guest suite above our garage so that my brother (25m) could get on his feet after moving back in state and graduating college. My brother is a twin, he and his sister have a different Dad than my two other brothers.
For context, my Dad died unexpectedly 5 years ago, he was only 54. He had 3 children, myself being the oldest, and my two younger brothers. My stepmom handled his death poorly which is understandable, but it resulted in no funeral, no obituary, and really no closure at all.
She cut off contact with me after I requested a shirt of my Dads. I had to watch as instead my brothers got quite a few of my Dads belongings, and knew that I got nothing. My brothers and I don’t have contact, they have always been abusive towards me and that only escalated after my Dads death.
All I wanted was a shirt so I could smell him, but I would have taken anything honestly. My Dad was an engineer by trade and musician as a hobby. He had a collection of guitars and loved music.
Most of his guitars went to my brother whom he was closest with, and whom also avidly played metal guitar. I believe that is what my Dad would have wanted. Other items got distributed to the remaining brother, one being a guitar nobody was crazy about, except for me.
It was a Gretsch model my Dad had gotten because he loved the Beatles, and this was the same model played on the Beatles white album. My Dad always played Beatles songs for me, and it was sort of our thing, I would have liked the guitar, but it went to another brother.
This is where it gets weird- said brother didn’t care for the guitar. This brother also has a history of being very cruel to me. So fast forward to this last Christmas where my half brother now lives with me, he actually comes home with that Gretch guitar of my Dads (again, not his dad) saying he was gifted it.
I was crushed. I do know this was done just to hurt me. But I also know that my half brother didn’t mean to solicit that type of thing. Further more, he doesn’t even know how to play it.
Myself and even my Mom sort of explained to him that the guitar was my father’s and had great meaning to me, as I was cut out after my Dad died. The guitar remained in his possession collecting dust however.
Recently my half brother announced he found a new place and will be moving, and I decided to shoot my shot and ask if maybe he could leave my Dads guitar behind, explaining again how much it meant to me.
It sucks because the guitar was never a gift to him from my other brother, it was a “F you” to me. But my half brother wouldn’t entertain it for a minute. I know I can’t make him do it, it is his now.
I explained how much it meant to me and that’s all I can do. When he bluntly retorted, “no, never” I did express frustration and deep disappointment. So, AITA for being upset about being yet again shut out?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - you remodeled part of your home to give him a home and he won't even consider your request? It sounds like they are happy to take and not share. Time to stop bending over backwards to help.
Wait, you remodeled an entire part of your house for your little brother, and his answer to your request is "no, never"?! Obviously no one respects you among your siblings (at varying degrees) but it does not mean you don't deserve respect. Grieve the guitar and the relationships. NTA.
BeneficialAd2437 (OP)
I should add that he was supposed to start moving out this weekend but since I confronted the situation has pretty much moved out and avoids me. It’s very much a GOOD RIDDANCE, sort of thing.
You would not be the a-hole for being upset. That is upsetting. NTA: Your family have shown you where you stand, and that’s tough. YWBTA if you kept requesting the guitar when you’ve been told no. That also really sucks. Let the half-brother move out, with your Dad’s guitar, and remember it. Don’t help him or any other brother out again.
Perhaps us redditors can suggest other ways you can find to commemorate your Dad? I’m going to suggest buying your own Gretch that you can play The Beatles on and can pass on to your own family.
BeneficialAd2437 (OP)
Thank you, I definitely told my husband “never again” with my siblings. I’m upset that my daughters have also had to witness me getting treated like this, so it’s a chapter that needs to end.
He’s in on it. He’s part of the cruelty. That’s the only reason he’d say never. My guess is it was given to him with the provision that he not give or sell it to you. NTA.
BeneficialAd2437 (OP)
Oh yeah, when he came back Christmas night with that guitar I just knew it was a very intentional move, my brothers are tragically without moral and now my Dad isn’t here to straighten them out.
Sounds like it's time to cut off everybody from that family that cut you off from your dad's stuff. Why put up with them and help them out when they've done nothing but torment you?
It's time to heal as a person, then step forward, realizing that you can't change things, and that you can only go forward, realizing what you don't want to do to your children or future children for when you you pass. You just have to be the better person.
NTA. Your family sucks. But if what you want is the guitar... you could offer to buy it. There is no justice there, but if the guitar is valuable enough to you then that might work. Also you should really stop helping your siblings. It looks very much like they are using and abusing you whenever possible.
INFO. Why didn't you resolve this before you allowed him to live in your home?
BeneficialAd2437 (OP)
It happened a few weeks after he had moved in. I let the initial shock settle, then I hoped he would recognize over time what the situation was, and do the right thing. I’m still so disappointed he can look me in the face and do this after everything I’ve done for him.
I'm hearing a lot of animosity towards you. Despite your most recent request, what else have you done to upset your entire family?
BeneficialAd2437 (OP)
Yeah I definitely have a history of calling out my brothers bad behavior when they are inappropriate and that never flew. Like I stated above I’m the oldest 5. I also am the only one that has my own children, so I’ve had to make difficult choices to protect my children against a lot of ancillary BS, so it definitely has made me unpopular.
NTA. Or maybe a bit to yourself, why did you catered to that brother if he is treating you like that. You offered your home for him for free and he can't give you a guitar he isn't using at all?
I don't know your situation, but maybe do some of this ways. Talk to your mom and ask her to tell him to give the guitar to you as a thank you for being allowed to stay with you or sell it to you (at a reasonable price)
Ask him if you can buy it from him or if he is willing to trade it for something else. Switch it with a simular guitar you can hopefully find at a market place online (if he isn't using it he might not notice the difference) Steal it and hide it.