"AITA FOR NOT INFORMING MY HALF SISTER ABOUT HER HUSBAND'S 2ND FAMILY?"

I 35F, am a Doctor who owns a small practice in my locality and also work at the Government hospital. In my country, polygamy is prevalent and legal. My Dad married a 2nd wife and I have a couple of half siblings. Also I am from a very patriarchal family where family issues are discussed and solved by the male members of the family.

A few years back a kid was brought in at the hospital after falling from monkey bars at school, parents show up and my brother in law, husband to my half sister (29F) is the father.

We did not interact beyond Doctor Patient and after a few months when he realized I had not mentioned it to my sister, he switched to bringing his wife and 2 kids from the 2nd family to my private practice as it is closer, faster and better service than the Government hospital.

My last receptionist was fired after finding out that she has been stealing money from the clinic and bought medicine from the pharmacy and sold them for higher margins online, I took legal action against her because she also bought prescription only medication known to be highly abused, and sold it.

As revenge I guess she informed my half sister about her husband's 2nd family and that I am listed in their insurance as their primary doctor. I just treated the kid after the accident and followed protocol for the subsequent checkups. However I am aware that they visit the clinic for the paediatrician and dental check ups.

She came to my clinic caused a huge scene and apparently also went to the kids' school and caused a scene. If I did let her know, which I wouldn't have anyways, my BIL could have reported my clinic for breaking confidentiality and I could have lost my private practice license. My paternal family and half siblings are calling me an AH for not letting her know about her husband's 2nd family and for treating the kid.

I do not particularly care for the 2nd family but my friends think I did it out of spite and pettiness, I did not. My family has called a family meeting where I was told I need to be ready to apologize to my half sister and I should be more open about any more secrets.

I might not even show up, honestly I am too swamped with work and honestly I do not care to make time for people to point fingers at me. I might be the a$$hole for not letting her know, but I did not want the drama that comes with that and I do not care for it But I honestly want to know AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

sugarpuss254 said:

NTA...So your family held a meeting to chastise you from keeping this from them, essentially putting all the blame on you because they are powerless to confront the actual villain of this story who is the man who has a whole other secret family. You we're professional, maintained doctor-patient confidentiality as you should.

Patriarchy is weird, it keeps people, mostly women, fighting over the wrong things. Even if you had told your family, what would they have done other than putting blame on you for "destroying the family" with the news. You are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

BertTheNerd said:

"I might be the a$$hole for not letting her know, but I did not want the drama that comes with that and I do not care for it."

You did it for false reasons, but you were right anyway. Everything you get to know as a doctor is confidential. You could be fired or lose your approbation or have more problems, if it came out, that you told the truth. You could only talk to the husband, that he reveals his secret, that is all.

The receptionist should be claimed by law for telling secrets (i don't know, how it is in your country, but normally she is obligated to keep it secret too).

And lalaloso08 said:

I go back and forth. I don’t think you’re the ah bc of work and you couldn’t say anything. That part I get. But what I don’t get is why you kept treating him instead of referring him to another office. Even then idk if you could’ve told her but you could’ve played dumb.

You need to add this to the list of illegal things the receptionist did. Tell the lawyer or law or whoever! Tell someone!! That’s a super messed up thing. She does something illegal, you fire and report her and she’s like let me get my revenge for my wrong doings. So annoying.

PanamaViejo said:

So if her family was a secret to you (and your family) , why is she upset that her husband's second family was a secret from her? If polygamy is accepted and legal in your country, would wives suspect that their husbands have other wives? Did she not question where her husband was most of the time?

And OP responded:

This is the reason my friends are saying that I did it out of pettiness, because she is my father's secret family. It's not. The way I found out about it hurt truly, but the fact that he has a 2nd family is something I grew up seeing around me, and it is actually very normal.

My father was raised by his step mom who couldn't conceive along with several other half siblings from different wives, so I have 6 paternal grandmas. The way my father acted by bringing in his 2nd family before we even had time to mourn our Maa is what put me and my siblings off the practise, and for us, it ends with him.

Also this was for me not my business to tell, because even as an outsider, I have no right, culturally, to comment on her marriage, let alone legally risking my career. Her husband is a business man with many 'out of town' trips apparently.

Edit from OP:

I do not condone my BIL's actions at all. And I do not have a relationship with my half sister. We just share the same father.

Three months later, she shared this update on the situation:

Hi guys, it's been 3 months of hell. My clinic was vandalised, and I was called in by the Medical License board for an inquiry about a patient's death. 3 guesses to who was behind it all. I continously got asked if polygamy is legal and practiced in my family, why did they have a problem with my BIL doing the same? I don't know, that question is still a mystery, because my half sister is their precious daughter?

I'm currently home, snuggled with my husband and we both are recovering from Corona, so I'm good, I just hope she gets the healing she needs. I do not regret any action I did, in my case did not do. If she could do this to so called 'family' I shudder at what she could have done to her husband's 2nd family.