'AITA for how I handled my son’s GF spending the night? My daughter isn't speaking to me.'

"AITA for how I handled my son’s girlfriend spending the night?"

I have two children: Donna (21F) and Austin (19M). Both live at home but also stay on campus at their respective colleges. Austin has a girlfriend, Bridget, whom he’s been dating for nearly a year.

Early in their relationship, Bridget stayed over once while Donna was at school. With Donna’s blessing, Bridget slept in Donna’s room, and Austin stayed in his own. They chose to sleep separately, and there was no drama.

This winter break, both kids were home. Toward the end of break, Bridget returned from out of state but couldn’t move back into her dorm yet. Austin asked if she could stay with us for a few days. I agreed but mentioned we’d need to figure out sleeping arrangements since we don’t have a guest room—just mine and my husband’s room, Austin’s, and Donna’s.

Austin said he and Bridget now share a bed, but his twin bed would be a tight fit. Donna has a full-sized bed, so I suggested Donna and Austin switch rooms temporarily. Donna could use Austin’s bed, and Austin and Bridget would stay in hers.

I assured Donna I’d change the bedding afterward, but she was visibly upset and asked why Austin couldn’t just sleep on the couch. I told her it was only for a few days, and since Austin wanted to share a bed with Bridget, this arrangement made sense.

When Bridget arrived, everything seemed fine at first. That night, Bridget went to bed early, and Donna pulled Austin aside in the kitchen. I couldn’t hear the start of their conversation, but Austin suddenly started yelling, “Shut up! Why would you say that?” before storming into the living room. He loudly announced he’d never invite Bridget back if “everything’s such a problem.”

When I asked what happened, Austin explained that Donna asked him not to hook up with Bridget in her bed. He claimed he had no intention of doing that and accused Donna of being weird and trying to cause trouble.

Donna said she had purposely tried to talk to Austin quietly to avoid a scene and hadn’t said anything to Bridget. She also said it wasn’t unreasonable to ask, given she knew Austin and Bridget were sleeping together. I told Donna she didn’t need to make such a big deal since I’d already promised to wash the sheets. Donna became upset and ended up staying with a friend for the rest of break.

School has since resumed, but Donna is barely responding to my calls or texts. Austin told me Bridget overheard the argument and now feels uncomfortable being in our house or around Donna. My husband said Austin caused the scene by yelling and pointed out that Donna wasn’t out of line for making her request. He also said I should never have let Bridget stay in the first place. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Kami_Sang said:

YTA - your husband is right. You made your adult daughter give up her room so your adult son could host his woman. If he wants a GF to stay over, he has to figure it out since your home does not have appropriate accommodations.

I would be pissed if I were your daughter. Also, the fact that as a teen he wants to sleep in the same bed as his GF in his parents' home - I would not trust he wouldn't hook up in my bed.

There's a total lack of reality and entitlement from your son - which bed was he supposed to sleep in with his GF? You also played into this - you do not have the space. That's it. It was just wrong of you to put your daughter in this position. If your son can't sleep on the couch and give his GF his bed you just do not have the room. Your son and his GF are not more important than your daughter.

SummitJunkie7 said:

Agreed - OP, Donna's bed wasn't yours to offer up. I can't imagine you and your husband taking less comfortable sleeping arrangements so your son and his gf don't have to sleep apart for a couple nights. Why should Donna?

They can squeeze into his twin, or one of them can take the couch, or they could run to target and get a queen-sized air mattress. But that is all your son's problem to solve, not Donna's. She should never have been put into a position of feeling uncomfortable about what would happen in her bed in the first place.

flaming_crisis said:

YTA And so is Austin. Honestly, if I were Donna I would never have agreed to let my brother and his gf share MY bed, but Donna went along with it and made a SUPER reasonable request. All Austin needed to do was laugh and quietly assure her that he'd never do that, instead he blew up and made a scene that embarrassed his gf.

None of this is Donna's fault, she tried to accommodate your obnoxious request, and got kicked in the teeth for it. You owe her the biggest apology possible. "It's not a big deal because I'll wash the sheets," MADAM, there is not enough detergent in the world to erase the knowledge that your brother hooked up in your bed from your mind.

quackerjacks45 said:

YTA. There were a lot of solutions that did not involve allowing your son to commandeer his sister’s bed to sleep with his girlfriend. An air mattress, the couch…hey how about YOUR bed since it’s totally not weird?

Your daughter tried to handle her (very valid) concerns privately and your son had a total meltdown. HE made his girlfriend uncomfortable in your home, not your daughter. And you caused the whole thing by making such an inappropriate decision.

If I were you, I’d apologize to your daughter and then apologize to your son’s girlfriend for creating the awkward scenario. I’d also tell your son that it was your mistake that led to his sisters comment and he should apologize to her. What a mess you’ve created 🤦‍♀️