'AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family trip that excluded me?'
"AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family trip that excluded me?"
I (30F) have recently been really sick and in and out of the hospital getting infusion treatments. My husband has been my rock through it all. Last year, we moved states because my in-laws asked us to. They have a micro family and want to stay close. Since our move, they’ve never once come to visit us except after we bought our house. They visited for an hour and left to “beat traffic."
We’ve driven to them over 15 times (an hour each way), and they still expect we go to them even though the drive now wipes me out and risks my health. I don’t have any family or close friends here besides them, and despite my husband asking several times for help, they always make excuses as to why they can’t visit even though they’re both retired.
What’s going on now is, my MIL and husband share a birthday. She recently called him saying it would be fun if the whole family went on a week long trip to celebrate and couple it with Thanksgiving. When my husband said he’d need to check with me since I have appointments and you know, his job, she told him it’s best I “stay home and rest” while everyone else went.
He immediately told her no. He wasn’t leaving me when I’m this sick especially during the holiday. He asked if we could postpone until I completed these rounds of treatment and just stick to something local.
That’s when MIL dropped that she’d already booked a resort three hours away, spent “thousands,” and that if we didn’t come, we’d be ruining Thanksgiving and her birthday. When he asked why she’d book it without confirming with us, she said it was the only week his brother was free.
That’s when it really hit me. She never intended to include me and possibly my husband. Her only concern was his brother’s availability whom she seems everyday. It felt like she either purposely booked the trip to guilt my husband into going without me or as a way to exclude us.
I was over it, exhausted, and just done with the lack of effort/care from her. I asked my husband if I could talk to her and in the calmest, most sarcastic tone I said, “please don’t cancel your vacation. I really, TRULY, hope you have SUCH an amazing time on YOUR birthday.
So much so that you forget we’re even there. Because we won’t be. Bye.” Then I hung up the phone. My husband took the phone and put it in his pocket. He told me, he had no notes and we carried on with our day.
Now MIL, FIL, and BIL are calling nonstop, leaving messages saying I was rude and disrespectful. So, AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family holiday that excluded me?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Cute-Profession9983 said:
Time to put the house on the market and move to greener pastures.
DoyoudotheDew said:
NTA. I'd move back closer to your own family or where your hearts desire.
Anxious-Routine-5526 said:
NTA. Focus on getting healthy. Your MIL isn't interested in you at all no need to expend time or energy on that relationship.
RJack151 said:
NTA. I would move wherever the two of you would flourish the most and move without telling anyone. And change your phone numbers.
ouijabore said:
NTA. They want you close why? For the optics? For you to run to them when they want? What’s in it for you? Sounds like nothing. MIL doesn’t care about you. I’m sorry to say it. Let her have her “family” vacation and don’t go out of your way for them again.
Hothoofer53 said:
Nta. You should move back closer to your people or at least far away from her she’s a ahole.