'I hate the ring my fiancé proposed with and I don't know what to do.' UPDATE AND RING PIC
"I hate the ring my fiancé proposed with and I don't know what to do."
A wonderful thing happened this past weekend, which is that my boyfriend of 5 years proposed to me! It was extremely romantic and I couldn't have planned something better myself. I'm over the moon right now, except for one thing...my ring.
When my fiancé and I first started to talk seriously about getting engaged, I told him that we could choose a ring together, or he could ask me questions about my preferences and look though my existing jewelry to get an idea of what styles of rings I like.
He wanted it to all be a surprise, so he opted for the latter. I was a bit nervous because I can be picky when it comes to jewelry, but I trusted that he would have enough resources and knowledge to make a wonderful choice. The only guidelines I gave him were "nothing pink, no blue sapphires, and no diamonds."
As it turns out, I hate the ring. Not just in a "It's not really my style, but it'll grow on me" way, but in a "Wow, this is ugly and I would never wear it" way. I feel absolutely awful for thinking this, but I can't help it.
My issues with it:
It's huge and gaudy. Like the sort of rings you see old women wearing. It's in the shape of a heart. I dislike heart shaped jewelry, which is why I never owned any until now. It's amber.
I'm a fan of light/honey colored amber, but this is way too dark. It's also extremely impractical to have amber be worn as an every day ring. It's going to become scratched and dull very, very quickly.
I just don't understand why in the world he picked this ring out for me. It's not my style at all and it's clear he didn't do any research (if he had, he would have known amber was a poor choice). I'm actually rather hurt by his choice because, to me, it shows a lack of care on his part.
The worst part of all is that I have no clue how to broach the subject with him. He and I share everything with each other and have no secrets, so it's doubly hard on me to not only dislike the ring, but to also not be talking to him about this problem like we do with everything else.
How can I bring this up without hurting him? I want him to know I love him deeply and that I'm so happy to be engaged, but that the ring needs to be changed. I'm freaking out and need advice badly. Thank you!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
Wow OP, that ring is really ... ew. Ringpops look better in comparison. Sorry you're getting so much flack.
YES. I feel like a lot of people commenting didn't look at the ring photo, because honestly the fact she could even pretend not to be upset is admirable. It's an impressively ugly ring.
That has got to be the ugliest engagement ring I have ever seen. So, if you're competitive, you've got that going for you.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
After he arrived home last night and we had dinner, we got onto the couch to cuddle. I knew it was the best time to talk about it, so I started off by telling him how ecstatic I am to be married to him and how much I loved the proposal.
I then launched into my main point and said "I'm so sorry to do this, but we're going to have to pick a different ring. The amber is going to get destroyed in no time and the ring is just too big for my hand. I kept banging it into everything today as is. It's just an impractical choice in the long run."
He immediately looked like he was about to cry, which made me feel terrible. He put his head down and said "You don't like it. Just be honest." I admitted that the impracticality of the ring was a very real issue, but that I also didn't like it.
I said "I'm kind of confused why you picked it because it's nothing like the rest of my stuff and it's absolutely massive." By this point he was crying and said "That's the point, I wanted something completely different! All your rings are so plain. I wanted the ring to stand out so everyone would see it and know I love you."
I had figured that this was his line of thinking (others guessed as well). I told him that I understood where he was coming from and emphasized that I am so thrilled to be engaged, but that I want the ring to be something that I will like (after all, it will be on my finger for the rest of my life) and that the material needs to be durable in order to stand the test of time.
I explained to him how delicate amber is, which he didn't know. He said he picked amber because he "liked that there were things inside of it." I asked him if he had thought about what he wanted in a ring before he had bought it.
When he said no, that he had just gone to the mall and picked one out, I started to cry. I hadn't planned on crying or telling him I was hurt, but knowing that he didn't research anything about rings or really think about it just really got to me.
I tried to explain my hurt feelings as eloquently as possible, but I could tell he felt horrible for it. He said that the whole process really freaked him out and that he regretted not having me pick the ring with him. When it came time to pick, he was overwhelmed by ring choices and went for "the most romantic thing [he] saw."
We both cried a lot, needless to say. The talk was very productive though and it all ended up working out fine. Thankfully, he is the best guy I could ever ask for (just with really crappy taste in jewelry...which he now recognizes), so he wants us to pick a new ring together this weekend!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
Well, that amber ring was pretty horrible, but one thing it had going for it....it wasn't dug out of a grave! Glad it worked out for you, OP!
I love this post because you think you have an idea of what the ring looks like, and then you click on the photo and it hits you like a truck.
It is so incredibly unsophisticated-looking, I would’ve done just what she did.
Me: it can’t be THAT bad clicks the picture: Ohhhh my stars.
I don't actually think I was prepared for just how ugly and gaudy that ring was. I went from "this seems like a slight overreaction" to "Holy Mary, Mother of Claire's" in an instant.