'AITA for having an adults only wedding?' 'We just do not believe that it is a place for children.'
"AITA for having an adults only wedding?"
My fiancé and I are getting married in a month so we just sent out the invitations and are getting responses back. Early into the wedding planning we decided we were going to make it 18+. We both have distant family who has small kids but none that we are close to. When we were sending out the save the dates I made sure to address the envelopes to just the parents to make sure that there was no confusion.
We are also doing all online RSVP so the guest has to type in their name and rsvp for themselves. When they type in their name it will also come up with anyone that they are in a party with. So if a couple is rsvping, one person can type in their name and it will also give them the option to rsvp for their spouse or partner.
When we first decided we wanted an adults only wedding, I did receive some push back from my mom who thought it was rude if we didn’t invite kids. I explained to her that my fiancé and I are spending a lot of money on our wedding and we are having it at a historic venue with a lot of items that can’t be replaced.
We want parents to be able to relax and enjoy the evening with us. We are also having an open bar and we just do not believe that it is a place for children. She said she understood and I thought this was behind us.
A few days ago, I got a text from my aunt on my mom’s side asking why she can’t RSVP for her two kids (10 and 8). I replied back and apologized for the misunderstanding and informed her that we are actually having and adults only wedding.
She replied back and said that my cousins have been looking forward to my wedding and will be really upset that they can’t come. I told her that we addressed the save the dates and the invites as clear as possible to avoid any confusion but I apologize if it was unclear but ultimately we aren’t making any exceptions.
She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it and I said that I totally understand childcare can be difficult to find and there are no hard feelings if they can’t make it. A couple minutes later I got a call from my mom telling me I was being selfish and I should just let her bring them.
I told her I can’t do that since we weren’t planning on paying for any kids meals and our caterer is also $100/person whether it’s a child or an adult. I said that it’s too expensive and it’s also not fair to my fiancé’s family if I make exceptions for my family and not his.
She said I need to reconsider the whole thing and invite the kids of every person who has them. No one else has confronted me with concerns and a lot of my friends who are getting married are also having an adults only wedding so I thought it was normal. AITA for not letting my aunt bring her kids?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NmlsFool said:
NTA. "She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it." Well, such is life with children. Sometimes the kids can be sick and tie you home to tend to them. Maybe you'll get an invitation to a child-free wedding and you'll just have to put on your adult pants and accept that for whatever reason your children cannot attend.
"I got a call from my mom telling me I was being selfish and I should just let her bring them." No. Either it is a child-free wedding or it isn't. And that is your call. Nobody gets a say in that. The couple getting married decides and everyone else just goes with it.
synchrohighway said:
NTA. I haaaaated going to weddings as a child. It was just dressing up, sitting still, and then picking at very unexciting food (for a kid) while I listened to a bunch of adults make jokes and speeches about people I didn't care about. As an adult, I love weddings. Drink, hang out with friends, leave whenever you want, it's great.
winterworld561 said:
NTA and you don't have to do anything you mother tells you to do. It's your wedding, not hers and what you say goes. Make sure to tell your aunt that if she tries to turn up with the kids they'll all be asked to leave.
Less_Mine_9723 said:
NTA. I couldn't go to my cousin's destination wedding because I had a baby. C'est la vie. I wasn't mad and neither was she. I owned a florist for 25 years, and did thousands of weddings. Most weddings, at least in our area, are adults only. The worst wedding I have ever been a guest at is one that allowed kids at a formal event hall. My son was 4. He was the ring bearer.
He was hot, and uncomfortable in his suit. He wouldn't eat any of the fancy food. He was a clingon because of all of the strangers. He spilled a soda all over both of us, so my dress was ruined and we were both sticky and wet. It was too loud for me to put him down for a nap...
And most of the other little kids had the same experience. The older kids were either sneaking alcohol, or running around like lunatics, breaking stuff and generally ruining the wedding. We all agreed to never bring kids to a formal wedding again. A backyard bbq is fine for kids, but not a formal wedding.
booksandcats4life said:
Unless you're the closest cousin ever, I sincerely doubt that an 8 and 10 year old give a rat's hindquarters about any wedding that isn't being held at Disney World. Your aunt just doesn't want to pay for childcare or miss an open bar. Sucks to be her. NTA.
LCJ75 said:
NTA weddings are expensive. Kids are uncontrollable and parents rarely watch them. Also, as a parent I really appreciate an adult night. Kids are not small adults and are not and should not be expected to be included in everything.
If the adults must travel to a wedding than having a trusted babysitter on place at a hotel is thoughtful. However, if that's not acceptable and/or if parents then can't make it, so be it. As a parent, I miss stuff sometimes. Part of the deal.