"AITA for having lunch in a cemetery?"
I am an introvert with a highly social customer-service job, and I often need to take my lunch hour alone to recharge. Next door to my workplace is a big, well-kept cemetery. There are shade trees, small gravel paths, and benches here and there. On nice days, I take my lunch to one of those benches, eat my sandwich and read a book. Sometimes I walk along the paths and read the gravestones.
Last week, I had just finished my lunch and was packing things away when another visitor approached me and we began chatting. They said they were here to visit their parents, and asked whom I had lost. I had to admit that none of my loved ones were buried here, but that I was coming here because it was peaceful and I needed a place to take a break from my work.
They reacted to this with indignation; they said that I was being disrespectful. I was treating the cemetery like a personal park and I didn't care about people's grief. I apologized and left immediately, and haven't been back since. But I was surprised to hear this, as I had not thought I was being disrespectful.
I don't think I would mind if my loved one were buried in a cemetery where people sometimes ate their lunches and read their books. I don't think I would mind if I knew people would do that in the cemetery where I was buried.
I don't leave litter, I don't intrude on other people--I am literally there to be alone and in peace--and if there were a graveside service being held, I would stay quite far away so as not to bother the mourners. But...just coming to a cemetery to sit and be quiet, without mourning? Eating lunch? Reading gravestones of people I'd never known? Was I being disrespectful?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Positive_Heart_4439 said:
NTA, imo. Graveyards are places of peace and reflection not only for those who have lost someone, but for everyone.
A_Literal_Fruit_5369 said:
NTA, originally cemeteries were used like this. Its why when you go to older ones, there's lots of open spaces and benches. People used to go to them for a picnic and family day out.
redditstinkttotal said:
NTA. You’re quiet and you don’t litter, so you are being respectful. My husband takes our son to the graveyard for a nap in the stroller because it is quiet and peaceful. A friend does the same with her daughter. Nobody ever complained.
whoreallycarz said:
Probably NAH. You are definitely not the ah. The other person was probably reacting from a place of grief, not necessarily a rational place.
Squaaaaaasha said:
NTA - not all graves get visitors, when I spend time in cemeteries, I am visiting those who have none.
sparklesforalex said:
NTA. You're being respectful. It's nobody else's business what you're doing there (whether you're visiting someone or just taking some quiet time to yourself). I think it's rather nice to bring some life and visitation to spaces like that.
I think it's a fair ask to check in about, but personally feel like that particular person's reaction has more to do with where they're at in their grief processing than anything to do with you or what you were doing.