'AITA for having my husband add me to his Costco account and take his ex wife off?'

"AITA for having my husband add me to his Costco account and take his ex wife off?"

My husband and I have been married almost a year, together a little over two years.

His ex wife, who we are friends with (they have adult kids together) had remained on his Costco account, which is fine.

Until recently I was still on my ex's Costco account too, but I was taken off without being informed (had a whole cart full and they wouldn't let me check out due to being removed off the account so I had to just leave it all there).

So yesterday we had some time and I wanted to go to Costco to finally get on my husband's account because it's annoying never being able to go on my own. My husband called his ex to let her know that the only way to add me would be to remove her.

She didn't answer the phone, so he called her boyfriend (who we are also friends with) and he said go for it, no big deal, we hardly ever shop there. So I got added on. On the way home his ex wife returned his call and got incredibly upset, saying she shops at Costco all the time, this is super messed up of him, and he shouldn't have just went and added me just because I wanted him to.

She was also saying that by shopping there, they contributed to the rebate check my husband gets (last year it was only like $100 and we bought $$$ worth of new flooring plus our regular purchases).

The way I see it is she's been using a free Costco membership for like a decade plus. We didn't just kick her off without telling her so she'd be stuck at checkout with a cart full of stuff the way I was. She says we didn't handle the situation well and should have informed her a month in advance.

My husband then offered to pay for a year's membership for her. She agreed but was still mad.

So AITA?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Elegant_Bluebirder_460 wrote:

NTA. But frankly neither of you should have been on an ex's membership. That's one of those things that ends along with the relationship itself. Weird that it wasn't until now.

OP responded:

I can see where you're coming from. We both have kids with our exes, so my ex basically kept me on until he got a new partner to add (which is fine, the only thing that bothered me was not getting a heads up and being stuck at checkout) and my ex just let her stay on there, which is also fine but I just feel like her reaction was extreme given the fact that she's had access to a free membership all this time.

And her comment about it being wrong that he just added me "because I wanted him to"... like I did it to be rude somehow? I also don't think we should be obligated to buy her a membership, but $65 is whatever I guess if it means it will keep the peace. Up until now we haven't had any issues with animosity.

ProfessorVelvet wrote:

NTA, you're married to him and she isn't. I can see it being upsetting to get removed from the account suddenly, but you DID tell her it was happening rather than just letting her find out when she suddenly can't check out the next time she's there. If she shops there all the time, she can afford to get her own membership.

Ok_objective8366 wrote:

Yes that does mean you are added because you wanted that because you are his wife. That is what marriage is that his wife is before his ex. I think this is deeper than just adding and removing. It’s not that she wants him but that she isn’t the main character now. That at a deeper level she’s just his ex now and nothing more. It’s more emotional than anything.

IcyManipulater69 wrote:

How is it she’s been using it for free for a decade plus when you’ve only been married to your husband a year? He’s the one that made the decision to leave her on it… because i’m sure she needed it when she was taking care of the kids until they got old enough… and now you think she’s been freeloading because your ex is the one that kept her on it…?

When it could’ve been part of their agreement in the breakup. YTA for your attitude about the whole thing… but NTA for wanting to be put on your household’s costco membership…

GreekAmericanDom wrote:

NTA. No. You are not wrong. That doesn't mean people will react well to what you do. Stop worrying about whether you upset people. People will always find reasons to be upset, especially when an exploit is taken away from them. Instead, focus on acting in a reasonable manner. Doesn't mean you will always get it right, but it does mean you are trying to.

schec1 wrote:

NTA, you should be on your husband’s account instead of his ex, especially since their children are adults. The only issue (and its minor) is how this was communicated to the ex, he should have told her directly instead of having her new BF relay the message.

SweetBekki wrote:

NTA. Why should your husband need to pay a year membership for her? Her boyfriend should be doing that since he was the one that gave your husband the go ahead instead of telling him to wait until the ex replies.

Otherwise_Wave8019 wrote:

NTA your husbands ex sounds very entitled to things that are clearly not her own it was very very nice of your husband to even offer the year membership. Judging by what happened to you at Costco I’d say this is the best way you could have gone about it and tell her if she wants to be informed on things immediately she should learn how to answer her phone.