'AITA for having my son’s birthday party the same day at my sister's gender reveal?'

"AITA for having my son’s 3rd Birthday Party, the same day at my sister's gender reveal?"

AITA for having my son’s 3rd birthday on the same day as my sister-in-law’s gender reveal? I’m a 30-year-old woman with three boys, and my partner is 32. Our youngest son’s 3rd birthday happens to fall on a Saturday this year.

My sister, who lives in another state, is his godmother and has never missed a birthday. She’s currently 7 months pregnant with her first baby and had offered to take my son to Disneyland. I told her I appreciated the thought, but she probably wouldn’t be able to handle Disneyland for long being that far along in her pregnancy.

Instead, we came up with a new plan: she could have her baby shower here where most of our family (including our parents) live. We decided to do her baby shower on Saturday (my son’s actual birthday), and then have my son’s small park birthday party with close family and friends on Sunday.

This worked perfectly because:

It meant I wouldn’t have to travel out of state for her shower.

My brother’s wife (also pregnant and due soon) might be able to attend.

My partner liked the idea since our oldest son has a tournament on that Saturday, and this plan avoided conflicts. So, we moved forward with planning both events. I even told my mother-in-law months in advance that my son’s party would be Sunday of his birthday weekend. She seemed excited about the theme, and I told her I’d send an invitation as soon as it was ready.

Then, a little over a month before the party, I got an invitation from my sister-in-law (my partner’s sister, 27 years old) for her gender reveal — scheduled for the same day as my son’s party.

I was shocked that she chose that date, especially since she knew my son’s birthday was that weekend. I texted her to let her know that was the day of my son’s birthday party. She replied that his birthday was the day before, and she’d make sure to call him to say happy birthday.

Then she sent her invite in the family group chat and asked everyone to RSVP — and they all did. It felt like she wanted to “claim” that day before me. I was upset and didn’t know what to do. I had already booked and paid for my son’s party through Groupon, which meant I couldn’t change the date or get a refund. My sister’s baby shower plans and PTO were also set in stone.

When I told my partner, he said, “We’ll just send our invite too — whoever can come, can come.” So, he sent the invite in the family group chat. My son’s party was from 2–6 PM, and her gender reveal was from 5–6 PM.

The only response we got was from his other sister, who asked, “Isn’t that the day of the gender reveal?” My partner explained that yes, it was, but we’d had our plans set and paid for over a month. After that — silence. No one else in his family responded or acknowledged our invite.

Now things feel really tense. I can tell my mother-in-law is disappointed that we aren’t changing the date or skipping my son’s party to attend the gender reveal. To try to be fair, I told her my partner and I could take separate cars so he could leave early and still make it to the gender reveal.

Still, I feel awful — like maybe I’m the bad guy for not being more accommodating. I have this pit in my stomach and can’t shake the guilt.

This is what people had to say to OP:

ImpossibleIce6811 said:

NTA. There’s no reason why people can’t do both unless they’re not in the same town. People have priorities- and will plan accordingly. I think you should plan for family members to leave your party early so that they can attend both. You’re def NTA but your SIL is.

OP wrote in the comments:

Both parties are 25 min away from each other. I did tell my partner I will make sure to cut the cake and piñata before everyone is ready to leave. So they can sing Happy Birthday to my son.

Ok_Apricot1518 said:

His sister and everyone who knew about your birthday party plans are AHs (including your MIL) for thinking this is okay. I hope your husband stays at your son’s party and that he and you and your side of the family and friends have a blast.

If you let this go, your son will come in second behind his cousin for EVERYTHING and you/your plans will get stomped on forevermore. This was no accident. And make sure to take lots of pictures to share with the people who missed the party!

yebekko3344 said:

Gender reveal parties just seem so attention seeking to me. Choosing her party the same weekend of your sisters shower and your sons birthday kind of supports that theory in this case.

Latter_Company5086 said:

NTA You are in no way required to change your plans nor accommodate your SIL. Sometimes plans just cross. Have a good time with your sister and your son. Let hubs handle his family. You did nothing wrong.

C-Sik said:

I say, if you have messages of the original plan and she agreed. Post those on the group chat. Let everyone know what the original plan was and how she changed up.
Plus, gender reveals are so done. Go get your ultra sound and let everyone know. No need to have a gathering. Was there a gathering during conception.

Consistent-Sky-6792 said:

Next group chat message: Everyone knew that our plans were made months ago. The reveal scheduling was clearly deliberate. We are not going to disappoint our son or anyone else in our true family by participating in this petty competition. Please note that all future invitations for birthdays, holidays and other important events will be based on attendance at this year’s party.”