"AITA for having Thanksgiving at my house?"
My wife and I invited my side of the family (my parents, my sister and her husband, their 2 kids) to our house for Thanksgiving this year. We have a 4-year-old and a 5-month-old baby. My sister's kids are older.
My sister has hosted in the past, but I mentioned it would be easier for us with the baby's nap schedule if it was at our house this year. When I first texted her to ask if they'd like to come to our house (we also just moved into our house this year), she asked if we'd let her make the stuffing if they came.
It's my late grandmother's recipe that she makes every year. I said yes of course, but also let her know that we were thinking about getting a takeout turkey dinner from a local restaurant. We have gotten it in the past during the pandemic and it was really delicious, easy, and has all the Thanksgiving foods we normally eat. She didn't respond.
A week later I followed up to make sure that still sounded good, and she said they will actually be staying home because they like making the home-cooked foods, the kids like participating in the prep, and it has become a tradition for them at their house. I was pretty bummed but said okay. She said she understood that it was easier for us to stay home because of the baby's nap schedule.
I just found out that she texted my mom saying she is thrown off that my parents are coming to our house and they didn't even check in with her first, as she has always cooked/hosted. My mom told her that she thought they were coming (I thought that as well when I invited my parents), and she said that she never said yes (just that she would think about it) and she's not eating takeout on Thanksgiving..."that's dumb."
There was some other back and forth indicating that she would not consider us "hosting" the holiday because the food is not home-cooked. And apparently we shouldn't need to stay home this year because they have had two kids that nap before and have gone to outings - "it's not a big deal to have a kid that naps."
I understand that these comments were said behind my back and I was never meant to read them, but am I TA for inviting my family to my house for Thanksgiving this year and getting takeout?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Snoopets8873 wrote:
NAH but I probably would have felt the same way as your sister and mom about the food. Like I can understand you saying that you aren’t attending the family meal because you don’t want to disrupt your baby. But you invited them over and then shared that you were serving the take out dinner.
And I’ve gotten this type of meal before (doing it this year because my one guest specifically requested that and i want to make them happy) and yeah they are decent but they are NOT my mom’s turkey or my sister’s sweet potatoes and so on.
So I can understand them being less enthusiastic and changing their minds when they have an established plan where you get what you want (staying home) and they get what they want (proper Thanksgiving meal).
ChocolateSnowflake wrote:
INFO. Your post says your sister always cooks/hosts.
Did you check in with her before telling the family you were hosting?
You’re not TA for wanting to stay home or for wanting to host, but if there’s a long established tradition of the family always going to sisters and you know she enjoys the hosting/cooking, it’s AH behaviour to gazump that and decide to be the host this year without so much as a check in conversation or a heads up.
Sheeppup wrote:
Yeah sorry YTA. I completely get wanting to stay home because you have a baby. And I completely get not wanting to cook because, again, you have a baby. But also thanksgiving is like the feast day of the year and a significant part of the holiday is coming together as a family and cooking, opting out is fine, deciding to host and then telling them “by the way we’re just getting takeout” is….a major flub.
Like you really went about this the wrong way, if you would have said “hey we can’t make it to thanksgiving this year cuz of the kiddos, just going to stay home and do takeout, you all are welcome of course but we understand if you want to do a traditional thanksgiving” then you’d be fine. But you didn’t.
Impressive-Fig1876 wrote:
YTA if you wanted to host Thanksgiving because it’s easier with your kids that would be a non issue. You’re not doing that, you’re asking your parents to skip Thanksgiving (which as your sister pointed out includes time together and activities besides eating) with the rest of the family to come to your house for take out. What did you tell your parents about the whole thing??
Fiberkitty wrote:
It's time to figure out what Thanksgiving means for you and your immediate family. You can't control what other people do, so do what works best for you. If you want to be with everyone else, there's the compromise of cooking at your place or going to your sister's. If you want to be at your place, you will have peace and quiet for your kids' naps, but maybe no extended family.
This may be a good year for that with the little one so young, but take each year as it comes.
NAH. You are not wrong, but you're also not on the high ground.
anotherrachel wrote:
NAH. You guys have different expectations for the holiday, and they're incompatible right now. She wants a homecooked meal, preferably at her own home. You want to host and order in. Both are valid ways to spend the holiday and she's free to say no to attending. That said, your whole family needs to talk this through because you can't split your mom in half that day.