"AITA for not wanting to help my SO with our twins?"

We have 4 kids together in total ages 6, 4, 1, 1. For context I have always been vocal about not wanting more then 2 kids. Our first born is a boy and second born is a girl, so I was happy to have one of each. I am the sole breadwinner as daycare costs would not make it worth it for her to work as well.

After our second child I told her I was done and wanted to have a vasectomy, she was against that and wanted to have a third. We fought about this for months (I didn't want to get it done against her will), her reason for wanting another was that she always wanted a bigger family.

My reason against was that I felt that she had a hard time keeping up with daily tasks with only 2 kids, I also spoke to her at length about how another child would be financially unsustainable since I have 2 jobs and am barely making ends meet (not to mention that I too am exhausted all the time).

Anyway, before we could reach a conclusion she fell pregnant (she was on the pill and according to her, barely ever missed a day). We now have a total of four beautiful children that I love, but I can not bring myself to giving her the extra help for the twins.

We now are stressed and fight all the time. I sometimes want to help her with the twins but it gets me so discouraged to see everything I warned her against come to pass. I know they are my children too, but it is not fair to get yourself in a situation when everyone is advising you against it.. then ask for help when the sh!t hits the fan.

Now when I come home from work, I help just as much as I used to with our first 2 kids, nothing more nothing less. AITA for refusing to help my wife with the twins?

TLDR: wife didn't want me to get a vasectomy and now she had twins that she needs constant help with.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

ExpressingThoughts said:

YTA - it doesn't sound like you were coerced into having more kids. These children are yours and your responsibility now.

tessherelurkingnow said:

If she refuses condoms and objects to a vasectomy, you have to refuse to sleep together. If you still did, you had a part in creating these kids and you need to do your fair share in caring for them. ESH.

FabulousOrdinary2 said:

YTA. The time to bail was when she refused to let you use a condom, not after the kids have already been born. They are here now, through no fault of their own, and they need you.

lipgloss_addict said:

Is this a joke? You contributed to the creation of those twins. Get on board, get therapy or pay child support when she dumps you.

bononomous said:

So you're neglecting your children just to punish your wife and make your point. Got it, YTA

OP posted this response to the comments:

Thanks for your replies, you guys held no punches. To address the recurring concerns:

1.) We live in a small house and meal prep for a couple of days at a time, so cleaning and cooking shouldn't take long. My eldest is in school during the day and my 4 year old actually helps with the twins. My wife is tired all the time not due to the work load but because she spends all day on her phone even going to bed past 3am daily because she "lost track of time."

On my days off I used to take over so that she can rest, it takes me a little over an hour to do everything and I manage to put the kids to bed by 730pm. I feel that I am feeding into her bad habit (phone) by being so hands on.

2.) I understand that the pill is not 100% but she does not enjoy using condoms which is why we use BC. Marriage is about trust. As for abstinence anyone that lives with their SO will tell you that it's easier said than done.

I do take care of all my children (homework, playing, feeding, bathing etc.), when I say I refuse to give her the extra help I mean I do not go above and beyond or take over after work as much as I used to. Especially since I told her prior to having the twins that I am already limited in what I can do due to my work hours. I agree, therapy would help, but I do not have the time or money for that right now.

What do you think?