'I told my friend her grandma is banned from my apartment because she stole my forks. AITA?'
"I told my friend her grandma is banned from my apartment because she stole my forks. AITA?"
I (27/M) have a good friend (29/F), who we'll call Sarah, who happens to live in the same building as me. We usually hang out a few times a week (if our schedules allow it) and sometimes she comes over to play D&D with a few friends of mine, typically on Saturdays.
Two months ago, she asked me if her grandma (who is like 69 or 70) can come over, too because she's staying the weekend with her and she didn't want to leave her alone.
She kept telling me she's really nice and I'll like her but if it's an issue, it's ok. I said "that's fine." I figured it wouldn't kill our vibe. One of our D&D friends was in his 40s, so we were cool with age inclusivity (😁).
Sarah comes over with her grandma and she seems pretty cool. We order some Chinese food and chat for a bit before we start playing. She kind of just watches us play for like 10 minutes and then wanders off to go watch some TV quietly.
Every so often she'll turn and listen in on our game, talking mostly to me and our older friend (we'll call him Dave). Like an hour or two in, she asks if I have any coffee and Sarah goes and makes her some.
I notice Sarah's grandma make her way into the kitchen, too, and open a drawer as Sarah is getting some creamer. I'm thinking she's getting a spoon for her coffee or something.
What I didn't think much of at the time was her grandma was carrying this Whole Foods cloth bag with her and she had it on her arm each time she went into the kitchen throughout the evening for something. I was too involved in the game to even care, too.
Around 11 or so, everybody heads home and I'm cleaning a bit in the kitchen. Somebody left a butter knife on the counter when they opened something and I opened the utensil drawer to put it back and that's when I notice a bunch of spoons are all over the tray randomly.
I'm pretty OCD with my kitchen so I immediately knew something was off. I start putting stuff back in place (spoons back in their section) when I notice there are no forks in the tray at all. I have at least 10 of them!
I start opening up other drawers thinking I maybe, somehow, misplaced them but they weren't anywhere else. The dishwasher was empty so they weren't in there either. And that's when Sarah's grandma popped into my head and I had this sinking feeling.
I didn't want to outright accuse her but nobody else kept going into the kitchen during the evening and they never left with anything they didn't bring back to the dining table or living room. Except her. She seemed to just go in there and just come out empty handed (which looking back, should've been the 🚩!)
I left my unit and went to Sarah's a floor below and to my surprise she opened the door to me before I knocked. She kind of looked flushed in the face and then exited, closing the door behind her.
I asked her if everything is okay and she kind of sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I know I know. Hold on," she said. Before I could say anything, she went back inside and came back put with a large Ziploc freezer bag with 10 forks, handing them over to me.
She apologized and explained that her grandma said she was "bored," and wanted to "play a prank." Bored? BORED? I thought maybe she was suffering from cognitive issues or something but she said her grandma has done this before and thinks it's like a practical joke.
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say but the moment I shook that feeling off, I blurted out "it's fine but your grandma is banned from my place." Sarah kind of nodded and gave me an awkward laugh.
I told her I was serious and she looked a little offended, telling me "she was going to return them. She's not a thief." I was double shocked. She stole them and just left. I told her again that I get it but her humor wasn't funny and I don't feel comfortable having her over anymore if or when he visits Sarah. Sarah says "fine I get it" and tells me goodnight.
Fast forward to today and Sarah and I don't hang out as much because of me banning her grandma. When she did come over like a week or two ago, she flat out says (maybe it was a joke, maybe it wasn't) that I "was anti-old lady." Wth, man? Anyway, AITAH for banning her fork-stealing grandma from my place??? I could've called the cops but that would've been even more embarrassing.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, you're not anti-old-lady, you're anti-thief. It might have been a different story if the grandmother had cognitive issues like Alzheimers, but you said Sarah admitted her grandma does that because she's bored. Does she steal in stores too if the line gets too long??
Just because she's bored doesn't mean that she doesn't necessarily have cognitive issues that haven't been diagnosed yet. I only mention this because I had a resident who spent over a year doing odd little things like this mostly with small shiny objects. Spoons, buttons, pretty rocks, etc and eventually she was diagnosed with lewy body dementia.
Guarantee you Sara wanted Grandma to come with her because she's done this before, and Sara didn't want her left alone in her house unsupervised.
NTA I have a feeling grandma does this quite a bit and they are used to making excuses. This is not a prank. I like cute benign pranks. The whole point is to see the reaction and to have a laugh; how can she do that if she wasn’t there?
Do you think she may have some dementia or is losing it a little bit and maybe the families’s in denial? Maybe they’re embarrassed that she’s possibly a kleptomaniac and uses that as an excuse.
NTA. As I was reading this, I kept wondering if grandma had a cognitive issue, hearing she was “bored”, I fully understand the escalated comment. I do, however, worry that this has become a pattern for grandma and that Sarah seems to be brushing it off as something innocent as it is extremely awkward.
That in and of itself still makes me wonder what grandma has stolen in the past, if those items get back to those she stole from under the guise of a “prank” and if this is relatively new or something that she has done for a long period of time… your choice to ask Sarah if you feel nosey or not.