'AITA for hiding my pregnancy from my sister so she doesn't try to get pregnant, too?'
"AITA for hiding my pregnancy from my sister?"
I (28F) am over 3 months along, and I'm worried if I tell my sister (21F) that shes going to try to get pregnant too... again. Two years ago I had my first pregnancy. I announced it to my family at dinner and everyone was very happy and supportive of me. I've been with my bf (34M) for 5 years now and it seemed like everything was falling into place for our midwest life.
But my sister is a narcissist, and saw how happy and excited everyone was for me and decided she wanted that for herself. She made it her mission to also get pregnant, while in college, with no job or place of her own.
She got pregnant within the next 2 months while at school and expected everyone to also be excited. Obviously she got a different reaction and was really mad at everyone for not just accepting her irresponsible choice. She ended up dropping out.
Fast forward to my emergency c-section where we fought to keep my baby alive in the NICU, only to pass away at 9 days. I don't want to get into the details of it, but obviously it was traumatic. And my sisters world completely changed from thinking we would be raising kids together. Her baby was born on time and healthy. And I hate to say but she's a terrible mother.
She doesn't prioritize her child at all, doesn't even capture milestones or spend quality time with him, just dumps him on a family member for a few days so she can go out. To each their own but its extremely infuriating, considering how motherhood was ripped away from me and she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body.
Now 2 years later, shes still in the same spot. No job, living with her mom, doesnt prioritize her child and didnt go back to school. He isnt speaking words and just grunting and is developmentally delayed. I see this and it makes me realize she didnt really want a kid, she just wanted that unconditional support from our family that they showed me.
So now that im pregnant again, I really dont want to tell her. And my family has agreed with me not to tell her. I'm worried shes going to see that as an opportunity to get pregnant again because shes obsessed with attention whether its negative or positive, and can't stand the spotlight on me. But i feel bad the further along I get, and the more people I tell, shes going to be extremely upset when she finds out.
And if you know narcissistic rage, then you understand. I figured maybe I'd tell her this weekend finally, BUT she just posted on her story "going crazy this summer bc i'm manifesting a babygirl next year." Like HUH? You cannot keep a job, you dont even help your mom with rent and you want to have a 2nd kid already? For WHAT?
You aren't even a good mother to your first! The father wants to take him for custody! Makes me want to shake her by the shoulders ugh. Now I know when I tell her shes definitely going to try it again. I rarely see her and we arent technically that close, so I could hide this for as long as I wanted tbh. AITA? or are my fears valid?
Oof.
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
plm56 said:
NTA. Keep it from her as long as you can, but remember that you can't control what she does. The secrecy is for your peace. And keep her at arm's length once she does know, because I can all but guarantee that her idea of "raising kids together" is dumping hers on you. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that this pregnancy goes well and brings you a healthy baby!
Jo007athome said:
Nope. Introduce her on your kids graduation if you can keep apart that long. Nothing good there to impart to your child.
beesechugersports said:
NTA, getting pregnant at 21 and while being in college just for some attention definitely gives narcissistic vibes, she need some serious help, and you not mentioning it will probably indirectly benefit her, but yeah ur completely justified.
citationworms said:
NTA you dont have to share anything with your sister especially if she's been problematic in the past. Prioritize yourself and your baby, if you can maybe check in on your nephew poor little guy seems to have it rough
KrofftSurvivor said:
ESH Why is everyone worried about whether or not she finds out you're pregnant instead of worried about getting help for this kid?!?
Priorities people!!!
And HisGirlFriday1983 said:
I'm going to be honest. You need to worry about yourself. You seem to be a little consumed by what your sister does. That is not healthy. Just worry about yourself and your child.
The OP shared this edit in response to the commenters:
I understand the concern for my nephew. My family is all for the father getting custody, my sister is the only one against it. We all see her for who she is, but she doesn't seen anything wrong with her actions. He's only 2 right now. She doesn't think she's a bad mom.
He and my sister both live with her mom, my step mom, who is a school teacher. She does as much as she can to help him while also still trying to maintain her own life, but she doesn't want the entire responsibility of raising a child and I'm sure thats understandable.