'AITA for holding my brothers affair baby the day before my wedding and upsetting my sister-in-law?'
"AITA for holding my brothers affair baby the day before my wedding and upsetting my sister-in-law?"
I (22F) got married last fall. My sister-in-law Mary (34F), my brother Joe (34M), and his girlfriend Susan (30F) are the main people in this story. Joe met Mary when I was 6, so she’s basically been in my life forever.
She was like the big sister i looked up to her, copied her style, wanted to be just like her. Then about two years ago, Joe started an affair with a coworker, Susan, and it ended up with a baby.
The second I found out, I was on Mary’s side. I wrote her a character letter for court if she needed it, and my whole family supported her since she and Joe have 4 kids together.
Fast forward, the baby is born. I sent Joe a wedding invitation but made it super clear: don’t bring Susan or the baby. It just wasn’t the right time for everyone to meet. Honestly, I even considered uninviting Joe completely so Mary would feel more comfortable.
She was actually hopeful I’d do that, but then my dad (who is still furious at Joe, btw) told me, “You’ll regret not inviting your brother, he’ll never forget it.” My dad rarely chimes in, so I listened. I told Mary Joe was still coming, and she was hurt. She decided she’d only come to the ceremony, which I understood.
For context: Joe literally had Susan and the baby wait in the car during the church part, then she went back to the hotel before the reception. Here’s where it blew up: the day before the wedding, Joe dropped one of his kids off to help me decorate. In his car? Susan and the baby.
Later that day he picked up his kid with Susan and the baby again. It was awkward, but I wanted to be polite. I held the baby for a minute. My niece took a picture, and somehow Mary saw it later that day.
I wasn’t planning on telling her right then because I didn’t want drama before the wedding. The morning of my wedding, Mary was sitting at breakfast looking sad. I hugged her, told her she looked pretty, then went to make toast.
Out of nowhere she said, “Why do you want to hurt me?” She said stuff like “Someone should do a DNA test,” “No one stands up to him,” and even “Maybe I shouldn’t come to your wedding.”
I just apologized and said I didn’t know how to handle the situation. At one point I said (stupidly), “I can’t make everyone happy.” I tried to reassure her that she was important to me, I’d even written her a long personal letter to give at the wedding, but she stormed off. It’s been 10 months.
I’ve apologized twice for not handling things well and reached out about other stuff. At first she left me on read. Months later she finally texted me something vague about how she thought we were forever family and regretted opening up so much. It crushed me.
I told her I still wanted her in my life forever, like a true sister. Now we only text about the kids or random small things. Haven’t seen her in person since. She did apologize to my parents for “ruining my wedding morning,” but she’s never apologized to me. So… AITA for holding my brother’s baby?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
No. You are definitely NTA for holding an innocent baby. The baby is your niece/nephew and you SHOULD be in that baby’s life. Nor are you an AH for inviting your brother to the wedding.
It’s very nice that you considered Mary’s feelings, but she certainly didn’t think about anyone but herself when she had a temper tantrum (per se) the morning of your wedding. She’s an adult. She needs to grow up. You deserved better for all your support.
Exactly. It was OP's WEDDING DAY. Everyone should be able to put their personal family dramas aside on that day to support the bride and groom.
Esh Your brother and affair partner manipulated you, you fell for manipulation, your sil should have bowed out of wedding. Yta for not recognizing what ur brother and ap were doing, sticking it to your sil.
Affair baby or not, that baby is still your niece or nephew and doesn't deserve to be left out of the family. The child is innocent. The parents are not. If Mary expects you to have nothing to do with the baby because of what the father did, then she needs to check herself.
I can’t imagine the hurt and pain your SIL is in. I don’t think you’re the AH. I don’t think SIL is the AH either. This is a terrible situation. She can’t help her feelings. Give her time and keep reaching out.
NAH - Except, your brother I guess. But between you and your former SIL, there's no AH for me. Unfortunately this is a lose/lose situation. The child is innocent, and it's not right to mistreat them.
But your former SIL already has to deal with reminders of the betrayal through their kids, but now through you and your family too (and again, you are not wrong for shunning the child). But the best thing is probably for her to take a step back and build up supports outside of your family. Her being around constantly is not healthy for anyone in this situation.
Which is why cheaters suck, and your brother sucks. He destroyed so many relationships with his actions. Even if you love your former SIL, there's no way to keep up the same relationship without hurting someone...her or the baby. It's a crappy situation, and I'm so sorry.
NTA. The baby did nothing wrong and is your niece/nephew. Y'all need to be careful that you don't end up catering to Mary so much that the baby suffers. Again the baby did nothing wrong and it's absurd for Mary to expect your family to have nothing to do with him/her.
It was also pretty awful she chose to bring this into your wedding. She either should have held off mentioning it or just not come and talked to you about it later. Mary's giving off 'pretend the baby/child doesn't exist because I don't want it to' vibes. If that's the case don't go along with her wishes.