Hey all. I (f27) and my husband (m30) attended a close friends themed Halloween party yesterday. The theme was witches and wizards. Everyone looked fabulous and magical, the party was quite fun and laid-back.
The attendance ended up comprising almost entirely of couples, just how our friend group is rn. A couple hours into the party though, one of the hosts single friends arrived, let’s call her Mary (f29).
Mary is a bit of a party girl, and she showed up already drunk, and in the tiniest maid costume you could imagine. I’m talking visible pasties, skirt that doesn’t even cover half the butt while standing straight. Now I can absolutely see while I type this that I may be coming across as a totally jealous, insecure B.
I'd like to go ahead and say I support the hell out of a revealing costume, I went as a very slutty vampire last year. But that compounded with her behavior has me not wanting to invite her to our party this weekend, despite my friend asking me to.
Mary absolutely ignored the women. I’m such a girl’s girl, this had me kinda annoyed. Not only that, but she was actively pursuing physical touch with the men (every one of which looked uncomfy, and are in relationships).
At one point, my husband came out of the room he and some guys were playing MtG in, and sat down next to me and said we should head out because Mary kept “accidentally falling” onto his lap while they were playing, and kept snatching cards and tucking them into her top and telling the guys “oops, guess you have to come get it!”
Apparently, Mary perceived everyone at that party as “so sweet to her” (we were annoyed but not mean) and asked our mutual friend if she could come to our annual party this weekend at our house.
My husband is against it, my mutual friend swears she’s not normally how she was. I’m kind of not wanting to, but apparently she has very few friends and I am a bleeding heart for my fellow ladies. WIBTAH if I just say no?
You can always say no to inviting someone regardless the reason. But in this case you have a reason she is a creep and alcohol is not an excuse. If she was a man and would pull the same shenanigans, there would be an outcry. Just ask yourself what would you do? Invite a guy that touches and is inappropriate? I don't think so and that's your answer!
You can be a girl girl as much as you want and I really appreciate the mindset to stand up for fellow women, but I'm absolutely against giving women a free pass for their behavior just because their gender.
NTA Mary may be a great person but alcohol reduces her judgement to the point it makes people uncomfortable and wanting to leave. Your house, your party, your guests. Sorry, Mary. Mutual friend should tell Mary how she acted. I would want to know.
NTA. Your husband is uncomfortable with her being invited (for good reason), that should be the end of it.
You WNBTA. In fact, you SHOULD say no. If your husband was uncomfortable, then chances are that the rest of the men were uncomfortable. You can't risk it.
NTA. You want your guests to feel comfortable. All you know of this woman is this one night, so you can’t judge her normal behavior, but it can’t be too far off. If there had been a guy at the party touching all the women and making them uncomfortable, you likely wouldn’t hesitate to exclude him. Same thing.
NTA. It's your party not a charity.