'AITA? Housemate wants to evict us because I accidentally left the door open.'

"AITA? Housemate wants to evict us because I accidentally left the door open."

I (28F) live in one of the two iconic affluent university towns in the UK in a share house with 2 other people, let's say Jay (27?M) and Adam (30M). Important context, before Christmas, Adam forgot to lock the backdoor one day (though it was closed, and the backdoor also leads to a gated private garden and parking space).

This was the first time something like this happened in over a year that these two have lived together. Okay, sucks but innocent mistake a lot of people make right? Wrong. Jay reacted VERY badly. Angry and accusatory. It went on for days. At some point, I had a chat with Jay and he was convinced Adam was either an alcoholic, wasted on pills, or has a brain tumour, not simply because it was a mistake.

Now, this is unfortunate timing. This morning as I left for work through the front door, I closed door behind me as I always do. However, I think the latch got stuck and didn't lock properly behind me (we have one of those Yale auto-lock ones for the front door), and I was in too much of a rush and didn't double check.

Thankfully nothing was lost or damaged. Jay found the door open shortly after when he woke up and texted the chat, I felt really bad because I know it affected him a lot the last time. I apologised several times and said I'll make sure to always double check from now. He went off.

He kept saying this is insane, that my reaction and explanation is not acceptable, that he doesn't believe it was an accident, that he works with sensitive government information and I've put him in a bad position, he asks what can i do so he believes that it'll never happen again,...etc.

At some point he was saying we need to "rethink" the house share (we are renting via a shared tenancy so breaking lease means EVERYONE is leaving). I kept apologising and apologising, trying to explain it was an accident, that i didn't mean to leave it open, the lock didn't lock properly, assuring that I will always double check from now on. But nothing was good enough for him.

He seems to think that I left it open on purpose, and I just don't know how else to explain that I also have valuables in the house and I also don't want to leave the door open, it was an accident. I know it's still my responsibility and I am really sorry, but WIBTA if I tell him he is overreacting?

It's 10:28PM and I'm still hanging out in the office because I'm genuinely kind of uncomfortable to go home. I asked this in another sub for UK tenants and people seems to think the same but I'm not sure.

Edit: When we communicated with Jay, neither Adam or I treated it like a small deal or minimized how he feels, we were both very apologetic. The issue is no matter what I say or Adam said it was not enough and he's asking me to "prove it will never happen again," I don't know what I can possibly do.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Extreme-Pirate1903 wrote:

If he works with sensitive government information, then he is likely violating his employer’s rules by having it where someone could get at it. If having the front door unlocked is enough to get at his stuff, that means you and Adam could get to his stuff.

And that would be a big no no for confidential information. He’s either paranoid, lying and paranoid, or lying to get out of the lease. He could be lying because he has some huge trauma and doesn’t want to express that. But you are NTA, and he is overreacting.

Jaded_Leg_46 wrote:

It might be worth getting the locks checked. Yale locks can last years but when the mechanism starts to slow or needs a few attempts to lock into place it might need replacing. Sometimes locks can become faulty if there has been an attempted break in with a lock pick.

Your house mate needs to ensure government documents are locked away preferably in a heavy cabinet as the onus is on him to make sure the documents are secure. He needs to understand human error is inevitable and his overreactions aren't acceptable and if he doesn't like sharing the house you can find someone to take over his part of the lease.

If he thinks he's the one that will be the one who leaves he might stop overreacting because of his paranoia over the documents and if he wants to continue living there he needs to change his attitude.

If he digs his heels in about his part of the lease you can suggest talking with the landlord or leasing company that due to the sensitive nature of his work that it makes the house a potential target for damage and they might let him out of the lease if they see him as a risk.

Alternatively he could be full of crap and on a mental health spiral. Don't let him bully or threaten everyone else in the house, let him think you have the upper hand.

Worldly_Ad6874 wrote:

NTA and he shouldn’t have roommates if he can’t accept that he can’t control every aspect of shared living. Stuff happens. If there’s a way to swap him out of the lease, I’d look into it. Otherwise, look at the lease and see if there is a way to fight against one of the other parties trying to end it. In the meantime, I’d just try to be firm. You’ve apologized sincerely and you don’t need to fall on the sword dozens of times here.

Mellifluous-Squirrels wrote:

NTA. You made a mistake. You owned it, and apologised. What more does he want you or Adam to do?

I know you don't want to be 'evicted' from your tenancy, but I also wouldn't want to live with somebody who has that level of paranoia...

SlightlyTwistedGames wrote:

The way you are describing his reaction sounds like an OCD or even paranoid schizophrenic reaction. Whether it is or not, it seems like he will not be satisfied no matter what you say.

The only thing you can do is state that it was an accident.

Accidents happen and you cannot guarantee it will not happen again. If he requires guarantees beyond that, it’s his responsibility. End of discussion. If he pushes or pokes, explain that the subject is no longer open for discussion. If he doesn’t feel secure in the living space, and has to find a new place to live, he will have to find someone to replace him on the lease.

Both-Mud-4362 wrote:

NTA but if Jay has sensitive government information he works with.

He should have a safe bolted to a wall or floor that when not working contains all his files and equipment.

He should be the one to move out if he is going to be this uptight over a mistake.

You all should get the front door check to ensure this can't happen again.