'AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend saying my books are cringy?'

"AITA for how I reacted to my boyfriend saying my books are cringy?"

So I (19f) am dating my boyfriend (20m). I recently started rereading the throne of glass series. I get really into it when I read books and I like to talk about it with other people. My boyfriend doesn't read books that often. However he does talk about his hobbies a lot and I listen because he enjoys them and I want to show that I care about his interests.

So yesterday him and I were on a call playing video games together, and I'm talking bout my book. I'm telling him about how a certain character is haunting the narrative. He then says "I don't really care, it's really cringe."

That really hurt my feelings and made me really unmotivated to keep reading the books. I went quiet for the rest of the game. I then told him I was going to get off, and he asked me if everything was ok. I said it was, which is where I admit I should have told him that I was upset, but I just needed some time to process how I was feeling.

I texted him a little later and asked him how he would feel if he was talking about something he enjoyed and I said I didn't care and found it dumb. As a way to try and get him to understand where I was coming from. In response he said he meant cringy as in like a children's movie.

I told him that it felt really sh#$ty that he would say that about something I enjoyed. To which he promptly denied saying he didn't care. I told him back exactly what he had said and then he admitted that's what he said. He added that he meant it as "I haven't read it, and don't plan to, so I don't have any context to care."

I told him because of how he worded it that's how I was going to process it. To which he left me on delivered until the next morning. He gave an apology, and said he thought he worded it differently. Coming up to where this is currently, he didn't really message all day so I kinda knew he was upset with me and when I asked he admitted he was.

When I asked why he said that my reaction didn't really equal what happened. And then added (this is a direct copy and paste) " And immediately going into an emotional response instead of thinking it another way or asking." That second part feels really like he's trying to deflect the blame back on to me.

I've asked him to talk about that part later.

AITAH for how I reacted?

Edit: I'll add that he also interrupted what I was saying to tell me he didn't care and that it was cringy

Edit 2: he's normally really good with me and reading, he'll take me to bookstores to look around and such, sure he'll make the occasional joke but this is the first time anything like this has happened.

Update: him and I just called to discuss it. And in the end I told him I needed some space for a little while.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ReadMeDrMemory wrote:

NTA. The DARVO is real. Sounds like you might be happier with a partner who shared more of your interests, had a sensibility more like yours, and empathized better. I'm sure he doesn't always behave this badly, but you seem to be giving more than you're getting.

KaliTheBlaze wrote:

NTA. You don’t have to share all of your partner’s interests and hobbies to have a good relationship, but you do have to respect them. I make a lot of things. My husband only halfway understands when I explain what I’m doing (or what I screwed up and need to fix). But he’ll admire and squish yarn with me, and he admires my finished pieces in any media, and prizes the things I make for him.

My husband loves high level math, and the last math class I took was the one I needed to fulfill my college/university general education requirement, because I got burned out on the subject due to a really stupid order of classes in high school (which is now over 25 years ago).

But I listen when he talks about the history of math and things he thinks are interesting but don’t require high level math knowledge to understand. (He’s not always right that I know enough about math to understand, but I try!)

Your boyfriend hasn’t learned yet that you can be uninterested in a thing without belittling it. He may never - there’s a disturbingly large subset of people who feel the need to cut down, attack, or mock anything that they don’t enjoy. It’s worth looking for a partner who cares enough about you to be respectful about your hobbies.

No_Research550 wrote:

He added that he meant it as " I haven't read it, and don't plan to, so I don't have any context to care."

If he actually did mean that, the normal response to your partner would be "Mmmm" or something neutral.

You don't have to enjoy your partners hobbies, but you can politely engage them about it, the same way that you listen to him. What he DID do was dismiss your hobby as crappy, and you as pathetic for enjoying it. You are NTA, and your bf is a jerk.

Hellyohaint wrote:

“That really hurt my feelings and made me really unmotivated to keep reading”

See, what his cruel words SHOULD make you do is feel unmotivated to keep dating this asshole. Why would you want to date someone who makes you feel small?

There’s no point in being in a relationship with someone who makes you feel this way. Your hobby represents you. Don’t ever drop it for someone. Keep being you and look for people who actually like you.

No-Strawberry-5804 wrote:

My husband doesn’t give a crap about my books or my TV shows but you bet your ass he sits and listens to me explain every twist and turn. And the gaslighting! Just wait until he does this about something that actually matters. You can do better than this. NTA.

Nester1953 wrote:

Couples don't have to have the exact same interests (although I hope you two share some interests), but with passionate interests, it doesn't really work if there's a whole lot of disrespect for what one partner likes and enjoys. If your BF simply wasn't interested in your reading, then you'd have to decide if that was something you could handle in a partner.

But your partner didn't just express disinterest, he condemned you interests. He said your interest in the books you're reading is cringe. Then he made it worse when he explained that by cringy he meant childish. This is not a man who respects your interests, or who cares about the impact of his very unkind and condemnatory words and put downs. Red flag!!!! NTA.