"AITA for how I responded to my ex-fiancé's infidelity?"
I (f) was engaged to a guy who seemed to have his act together. He had his own house, a good career, weekend custody of his kids, etc. Our relationship was seemingly standard, nothing unusual or out of the ordinary.
Out of the blue one day, he started acting weird, and my gut told me that something was off but I couldn't place what it was. He left for work in the morning but left his phone behind.
We had each other's passwords to each other's lock screens, but we never looked through them ever because we weren't that type. On this particular day, it was different though because I had a gut feeling that told me to go through it.
I tried his password and it didn't work. I would have given up after that but I saw where his fingerprints hit so I tried two different combinations of numbers before I got it right.
I went through the regular apps before going through email and deleted folders. And there it was on messenger, not deleted and not in a secret folder. A thread dating back a week or so of him texting with another woman. Sxy talk, explicit images, the works.
I knew I was probably running low on time so I screenshotted the whole conversation and her profile page, sent it to my phone and then deleted the text messages from his phone to mine, and the screenshots from his gallery, locking it and placing it exactly where I found it.
As to be expected he showed up shortly after that, grabbed his phone, and went back to work. From the window I watched as he pulled out of the driveway down the road and turned onto the next street. I pulled up my phone, went through the images, looked her up on my Facebook and saw that she was married. And it linked who she was married to.
I reached out to the husband after blocking his wife, saying "hey is this Haley's husband?" From there he confirmed and I said "I have information for you but I'd like to share in person if that's all right. Can I buy you a drink?" He agreed and I told him to pick the location so that it's not a far drive for him and I was willing to make the drive ofc.
He said he was within walking distance of a certain bar, and said he was headed there now. So I took my keys and I left. I told him what I was wearing so that he could look for me.
I parked my car, went inside, and sat at the bar and waited. He came up to me from a booth and introduced himself with a handshake. I asked him his drink of choice and ordered two. We took the drinks and walked over to the booth he was sitting at.
After sitting down I explained that I had images for him to look through and they were pretty difficult to see/process, to take his time going through them. I was in no hurry. I could tell he was holding back tears but sharing this information was for the best.
He goes on to tell me that they have been married for quite some time, high school sweethearts, and they had three kids together. But that he knew something was off recently, he just couldn't place it.
He had asked if I wouldn't mind sending those images to him. I didn't mind at all. I asked him if he had a plan moving forward. His response, divorce. He thanked me, I left, and headed back home.
I spent the remainder of time I had packing my stuff and loading it in my car. The now EX fiance lived downtown, so there was a lot of houses and alleyways. I parked my car in an alley far enough away the ex couldn't see me when he arrived from work. As expected, he showed up early, visibly angry.
I could see through the giant bay window, him walking inside, going through stuff realizing I was gone and all my stuff was gone too. He started acting out with the consequences to his own actions behind that anger. Throwing stuff across the room, likely breaking stuff.
I'd seen enough. I drove away. The feelings I felt were anger, betrayal, and a side of satisfaction with how I played my cards after finding out. AITA? How would you have reacted?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA.
Cheaters always need to be exposed.
NTA. the fact that you took the time to inform the husband about his wife's infidelity in person, instead of just sending him the screenshots, shows you handled a really tough situation with empathy. you deserve way better than someone who would cheat on you anyway.
I love your story.
Keep crushing narcissists!
NTA you dodged a bullet there- judging by how he reacted to getting caught- that’s man child behavior. You did exactly what I would want someone to do if I were in the husband’s shoes.
NTA, two marriages may have been ruined but it wasn’t you or the mistresses husband that ruined them. if a marriage can only survive because one person is lying to the other about fidelity , it will always be the lying person who is at fault for the crumble , never the one who was lied to for leaving.
You responded in the most honest way to prevent someone else from getting any more hurt than they would already be when hearing the truth , the fact that the lie shielded you both from the hurt for some time doesn’t mean the hurt wasn’t already happening.
NTA. You now know why he is divorced and only has weekend visitation with his kids. Too bad cheaters don't have a tattoo across their forehead to warn others. They all deserve to be publicly exposed.
NTA. Lifetime movie material right there! I really like your approach with her STB Ex and your Ex. In your face is a method where they can't lie and whine. Cut and no contact... Clean and easier than listening to BS!