'AITA if I humiliate my mom next time she tells a specific embarrassing story about me?'

"WIBTA If I potentially humiliate my mom next time she tells a specific embarrassing story about me?"

Let me preface this by saying that while this story might paint my mother in a bad light, she did have flaws but was also a very supportive and good mom. I’m 24 now. My mom loves to tell embarrassing stories from my childhood to people. I don’t mind most of them but there is one in particular that really makes me angry every time she tells it because of the backstory. Which is as follows:

I was probably 12/13 and near puberty, my mom was always very open about the changes I would be soon experiencing and bought me everything I needed for when the day came. I was nervous about it but not really embarrassed. My mom had a shower with a clear glass door that I would use because it was a lot nicer than mine.

One day she’s in the shower and her phone rings and it’s her boyfriend. He was nice and at that point I had met him a few times and liked him. From the shower, she says go ahead and answer and say hello. As I go to answer the phone stops ringing so I unlock it and it opens to the screen of text messages with her and her bf.

The most recent text is her saying that due to the development of some hair in that region, she thinks I’ll be getting my period soon. And she ends it with “Ugh. Not ready for that”

I was humiliated that she would discuss that with anyone let alone her boyfriend who I had met a few times. Her bf did end up becoming my step dad and he is a good man, so I don’t want to paint this in a super creepy manner, I think she was just venting? Idk but regardless it was messed up in my opinion.

I don’t know if it’s normal for parents to talk about their kids like that to people. My stepdad does have children, two girls and 1 boy. One of the girls is in the same age range as me. After this I became very secretive and eventually when I did get my first period, I hid it.

For as long as I could. Just because I was embarrassed and didn’t want her to tell everyone. She ended up finding out I got it about three months after and flipped her lid that I hid it from her but she didn’t know why because I never told her I saw what she texted about me.

Now for whatever reason she thinks it’s a funny story to tell to people. She told my boyfriend (now fiancé) and I ended up telling him the story behind it afterwards and he was shocked. I’m not embarrassed by periods and puberty now OBVIOUSLY but it hurts every time she mentions the story.

WIBTA If next time she says it, no matter who is around, I say “well maybe if I wouldn’t have caught you texting your bf about me getting pubes for the first time I wouldn’t have been so humiliated” I think this will really make her upset but also feel like it needs to be said. Also, let me know if I’m overreacting about what she texted.

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Amanya98 said:

NTA you definitely need to speak up about your mom and explain to her your feelings

ughUsernameHere said:

NTA but I wouldn’t recommend this approach. As a parent of a teen, I have to confess that sometimes his puberty has been a lot for me and I’m sure I’ve said similar things (obviously I haven’t seen him naked in years, but referenced other puberty milestones) like that to my inner circle. Puberty can be awkward AF for adults sometimes as well and we may need some support from time to time to process these big changes.

I’d just have an open conversation with your mom about how much pain and embarrassment this caused you (IF you think she will listen and not be defensive). It seems like this incident had serious repercussions for years that I’m sure your mom didn’t intend for you to endure.

OP responded:

Thank you! I was hoping to hear from other parents as to whether this was normal conversation for parents or not. At the time it felt like a huge betrayal of trust but now as I’m older I always wondered if it was blown out of proportion a bit on my part. I do feel better knowing this isn’t something unusual for parents to mention to other trusted adults.

poillord said:

NTA, but I would say it would be better to bring it up in a more direct fashion without bystanders. Say "I really don't like you telling that story and it hurts every time you do. The reason is because of why I was hiding it." and then explain the story. That way neither of you are humiliated but your mother does not continue to hurt you by telling it.

OP responded:

You are right. this would be the most productive approach. Thank you

[deleted] said:

If you don't address it with her first and let her know it embarrasses you YTA, how is she supposed to know you don't find it funny or feel some kind of way about it without you telling her? If you've discussed it with her and she does it anyway NTA.

OP responded:

I’ve asked her to stop talking about it before but never told her the reasoning behind it. Honestly though why would anyone find their period story to be a “funny memory” to discuss with boyfriends and friends?

And [deleted] said:

YWBTA if you do this without first telling her how you feel. I’m sorry that your mom did that to you and I can understand from experience how embarrassing it must feel for you, but she obviously doesn’t realize the extent to which she is affecting you.

To purposely humiliate her without first having a talk with her to get her to understand why she’s embarrassing you would be an AH move and pretty childish. You are 24 just as I am, so we are both old enough to realize this. If you talk to her and she refuses to stop, then do with that what you will.

OP later posted this response to the comments:

When she goes in to the story, I would usually just keep my mouth shut and try to change the subject. The most recent time I told her as she was beginning that I did not want her telling this story again, and when she continued I told her to stop, and she continued. However, I have never sat her down and told her the details mentioned in my post.

Seems the best course of action is, like most of you suggested, to just have this convo with her one on one. Maybe I was feeling a little bitter and just wanted to embarrass her like she has me time and time again. Point is I love my mom regardless of her flaws and handling it this way would do nothing but cause hurt and more anger. Thanks everyone :-)