"AITA for supposedly humiliating my boyfriend in front of a waiter?"
I (23f) have been "dating" Eric (31m) for around 8 months now and this happened 1.5 months ago. I say dating in quotes because he never wanted to put labels on anything after coming out of another relationship, which I completely understand, I've done the same in the past.
I came up to him because I felt him getting distant all of a sudden, and he said I shouldn't worry and added "I don't worry about you like that, since we aren't even in a formal relationship", which hurt me, but he said he would make it up by taking me on a "real date" after a while without one.
He wanted it to be a surprise, but it moderately fancy, modern restaurant. There was only an issue: it was an Asian seafood restaurant and I have a very minor allergy to fish and, while I won't die from eating it, oceany smells leave me queasy, so I don't like seafood in general.
He knew that since I've mentioned it plenty of times, but he said "your allergy isn't super strong, right? they might have something without fish in the menu, too"
Turns out they didn't have anything seafood-free outside of desserts. When the waiter came, I asked him if they had anything without seafood, to which he replied with a confused look, so I added "yeah, I'm sorry, this is weird, but I have a mild allergy to seafood and my boyfriend brought me here anyway."
I could see the waiter stiffling a chuckle before saying he would try to get me something to eat. He ended up bringing me what seemed like an amalgamation of accoutrements from other dishes, roasted yams covered in crispy shallots with a bit of spicy relish on top, it was really good.
We finished eating, I gave the waiter a big tip from my own pocket, said I was immensely grateful for rescuing my night and asked him to thank the chef, too. We went back to the car and Eric blew up at me, saying I had humiliated him in front of the waiter and probably the entire kitchen staff, too.
He also didn't appreciate being called "boyfriend". I mentioned he could just have remembered about my allergy, to which he said that he couldn't possibly remember every single tiny detail about me and that I shouldn't complain since he was trying to be nice.
Fast forward to now, I'm living in his apartment (rent free, his parents own it) and I said he shouldn't have been rude to our UberEats driver because he took a wrong turn and got here late, so he blew up at me again asking if I "wanted to humiliate him in front of another service worker again like that night in the restaurant."
He mentioned that event in a group chat we're in with a few of his friends and they mentioned I could have worded things better to not throw him under the bus. So, AITA for calling him out in front of the waiter? I'm not used to fancy restaurants so I dunno about their etiquette.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
TXpheonix said:
Girl why are you in this "situationship?"
He:
- doesn't like labels
- forgets a major allergy and is offended that you're ungrateful for bringing you to a restaurant you can't eat in
- brings up old crap
- blows up at you
And then you moved in? YTA to yourself for staying in this crap.
happygal222 said:
Why would even consider staying with anyone that took you on a special date to a place that only services food that you are allergic too and then feels no remorse for it and in fact yells at you for being appreciative to the waiter and chef for accommodating your allergies?!?
He is a TA but I am now going to vote that so are you for continuing to date him and moving in with him because I am tired of reading posts where women allow themselves to be abused by @SSholes
[deleted] said:
Woooooow this dude sounds like an absolute jerk. NTA at all. He flat out says he remembered your allergy but that they "should have something without seafood"...IT IS A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT. He seems to be showing time and time again here that he doesn't care about you. It likely is just physical intimacy and companionship for him. I would say if you want something more...he isn't gonna be that dude. NTA.