'AITA for publicly humiliating my wife at her workplace after discovering her affair?'
"AITA for publicly humiliating my wife at her workplace after discovering her affair?"
Horror_Squash4757
I don't even know where to begin. My wife, Lia (43F) and I have been married for ten years. We have two beautiful children: our five-year-old son and our two-year-old daughter. I thought we were happy - or at least, I thought we were trying. But four weeks ago, my entire life came crashed down.
I (46M) started to notice when she was glued to her phone more than usual. Lia has always been private, but this was different. She'd smile at her screen, then immediately lock it when I walked into the room. One night, after she fell asleep, I couldn't resist. I checked her phone.
What I found still makes me sick to my stomach. There were messages with a coworker, Eric (48M), going back years. Explicit texts. Photos. Promises of love. Even references to secret trips they'd taken while I was at home with the kids, believing she was working late.
My heart was racing, my hands trembling. I confronted her the next morning. At first, she denied it, said I was misunderstanding. But when I read her the messages out loud, her face crumbled.
She admitted it. She said it started four years ago, long before our youngest was born. She tried to justify it - “you were distant, we were struggling”. But nothing could excuse this.
I started digging deeper. I followed her to work one day, needing to see it for myself. Sure enough, after her shift, she walked out arm in arm with Eric. They didn't even try to hide it.
They got into his car and drove off. I followed them to a restaurant where they sat like a happy couple, laughing, holding hands. It broke me. But what shattered me completely was when I learned they'd built their own life together.
They'd been renting an apartment near work - a place where she'd go when she was "working overtime". I saw them go inside, watching them from my car parking on the streets, a few blocks away. I checked on them for about 4 nights, and they had the same routine.
That's when I snapped. I packed all of her belongings - everything she owned, into the back of my car and drove to her work place the next morning after spying on them. I know I did wrong. When she walked out, I dumped everything right there on the sidewalk in front of her and her coworkers. I told her she wasn't coming home.
Since then, l have filed for divorce and am fighting for the full custody of the kids. She's begging me to forgive her, saying she doesn't want to lose the family we built. But how can I?
Friends and family keep asking me if I regret how I handled it - publicly humiliating her, kicking her out without notice. I do. She tore our family apart, and the least she could do is face some accountability, but I can't help but feel like the bad guy for how I acted.
I had nights where l have felt very lonely, and I miss her. Of course, I am also attending to therapy sessions to be better for the kids and for myself. All I care about are them, they don't deserve this chaos. And as much as it hurts, I know they are better off with me than someone who could live a lie for so long. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
facepalmforever
The only thing to worry about at this point is a DNA test.
TaylorMade2566
Your STBX had NO problem making her affair public, so she has no right to cry about you making the divorce the same. I really hate it when people claim to want to make a relationship work after they were outed in an affair but they did nothing to stop it while it was ongoing.
The time for possible forgiveness was when she came to you and admitted she had an affair, ended it and wanted to make things right with you. NTA.
Averwinda
NTA.. she doesn't want to lose her standing.. she has had a 4 year affair.. make sure your kids are both yours!!!!
tialelea
Nope!! NTA. When she became unhappy in your marriage she should’ve came to you to fix it not crawl into bed with her coworker 😂 Marriage is a partnership and she stepped out. You have every valid and good reason to leave her because of it.
Honestly ? You could leave someone because you hate the way they brush their hair - you’re unhappy and leaving is the right choice. No one wants to live in a home where mommy cheated on daddy and daddy hates her 🤷🏽♀️. Leaving and building a new life is the best step. Good job!! I would’ve done the same exact thing.
sniperkingtd
100% the AH.
But the most justified AH I’ve ever seen. I’d have done the same thing.
bamamike7180
Yeah I know it sucks but you’re going to need to get a dna test done on both kids. I know it’s hard to fathom, but if she has been in this separate relationship since before your son was born, there’s always a possibility and you and she needs to know.
First_Assignment9773
NTA in my opinion you didn’t go far enough! Get a DNA test on your kids. Go no contact with anyone who is taking her side she decided to destroy your marriage. How do you know if they were practicing safe intimacy. Get tested for STI’s as well. If he is married blow his life up as well. Expose everything!!
renegadeindian
No. You did well. Cheaters need to be disgraced. They are a disgrace so exposing them helps make people know who to watch out for.