"AITAH for causing the miscarriage of my husband’s affair partner?"

I don’t know where to begin or where to end this story. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know because I feel like an a$$hole while also feeling justified at the same tome. This story will also sound made up, but it’s really not and I’m just hurting and want some place to type it all out too.

I (F36) have been with my husband (M39) for over a decade. Early on, I had to have a hysterectomy due to health complications and told him if he wanted kids, we should go our separate ways. He insisted he was strictly childfree and didn't want kids. In every other way, we were perfect for each other.

A few years into our marriage, we even had the chance to adopt a little girl from a family member’s unplanned pregnancy. I was thrilled, but he still didn't want kids, so she was adopted elsewhere. Not being a mom hurt, but I accepted it.

Sometime back, my husband started acting weird. You know how you just know when someone you love changes? He came home late, avoided intimacy, and was cold. He denied anything was wrong, but I could tell he was lying. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he’d tell me I’m being “psycho” and controlling.

So, I snooped through his phone and found evidence of a very long affair. I’m not proud of it, but I did it. I needed that peace of mind. His mistress (F26 or 27?), whom he'd introduced to me as his cousin, was around less than 2 months pregnant. They were discussing marriage after he divorced me.

He admitted he didn’t want to divorce me yet because he would lose our house, which I funded entirely. He'd also been using our joint account, which I contribute significantly more to (I earn considerably more than him), to pay for her rent and hospital expenses.

When I confronted him, he admitted to the affair and her pregnancy. She came over, and things got heated. I tried to blame him, not her, but after a lot of tears and fighting, I lost control and told them that I hoped they lost the child. I'm not proud of it, but I said it. He moved out of my house the next day, not sure where they live now.

A few weeks later, she had a miscarriage. They blame me and believe I caused it. She came to our house and slapped me and was physicaly aggressive. I was not significantly injured. He didn't hurt me but he didn’t stop her either. Yes, I was foolish to let them in but I am in a weird mental state too and didn’t expect her to hit me. Maybe I deserved it.

I may have felt the same if someone said something like that about my unborn child and lost it. I won’t file charges because it's not an option in my country, and maybe I deserved the beating for what I said. I just want to know if I'm the a$$hole and if yes, how big of an a$$hole I am. Thanks.

Edit: What I said was so unforgivable in my religion. Wishing something bad on an unborn baby is like unforgivable. It’s not some small thing that’s why I feel like an a$$hole. A child is considered god’s blessing.

I said all that and cursed them and maybe my anger and envy created nazar. That’s why I think im the a$$hole. Logically I know I didn’t cause it to actually happen but the bad thing happened because I thought bad and because I was hurt, my bad thoughts had effect.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

BrokenCatTeddy said:

NTA. Protect yourself financially, transfer your money to a separate account and change the locks.

blanketstatement5 said:

You didn't cause anything. These people are just looking to blame you for their own moral failings, and they did so violently. Also what the hell you can't press charges against someone came into your own home and hit you? I'm so sorry your country sucks.

Stumpteddoc said:

Look from what I’ve understood you’re either Muslim or Hindu. In case you’re Muslim, GURLLLLLL. Everything that happens is already in the divine decree. Adultery is a MUCH BIGGER sin than cursing someone. And nothing can happen without the consent of Allah.

All in all, if you’re Muslim and you’re believing this BS then you need to go talk to an Imam ASAP because you’re on the wrong track and thinking some weird things. You were angry, you said some things, some people got the result of their bad deeds. You deserve nothing but justice and sympathy. Talk to a lawyer, talk to the police and talk to an imam or any religious elder. And RELAX. You’re the victim here.

Nervous-Tea-7074 said:

I saw your post regarding cursing another woman and the evil eye………….so how do you know she wasn’t cursing you first? Wishing for you to be un-alive, so your husband and her could get everything. If anything, her curse rebounded and took something of greater value.

redditlurker1981 said:

NTA. I would have said a hell of a lot more to that b!t@# and your dipsh!t husband

And GingerPrince72 said;

NTA. How could words cause a miscarriage?

Two weeks later, she shared this update:

I've been meaning to post an update for a while now but was just so occupied with everything going on. After everything that happened, my in-laws found out that my husband and I are staying separately (because he also stopped sending them money for their upkeep). They called me, and I told them everything honestly, including what I said.

My in-laws completely took my side. They threatened to cut their son out of their lives for his infidelity and were also angry about the embarrassment he has caused them. They've told him that the only way he can make it up to them is by obtaining my forgiveness and making it up to ME. I'm thankful for them.

They also informed my parents and reassured them that they'll be supporting me no matter what. I've been living with my in-laws since. Many of you were right: she was never pregnant and never had a miscarriage. She couldn’t provide any evidence of pregnancy or a miscarriage. According to my mother-in-law, I think my husband realized she’d been lying about her pregnancy only after leaving me.

It also turns out that she really IS my husband’s distant cousin. So he wasn’t lying about that at least. She apparently begged my in-laws not to tell her own parents, but they went ahead and told them anyway.

Word spread, and she is now in shame for premarital sex, that too with a married man. I don't know specific details about her, but I think she’s pretty much been put under house arrest by her parents other than for absolutely essential trips. My parents are too old to have much of an opinion. They are reassured that my in-laws are on my side and are happy with anything I do.

My husband and I are still not on good terms, but I still love him very much. I need time to heal from this and a proper apology, which I’m yet to receive. But once I do, I’m inclined to take him back. I think he currently resents me because of the backlash he got (I think he was fully expecting me to be on the receiving end of it, as I was) and is upset that his parents took my side.

But eventually, I think he will realize the error of his ways. I don't know if this update is happy or not, but my heart feels lighter. I wanted to update because so many people reached out to me offering words of comfort and support both on the post and in DMs. I read all of it, even if I couldn’t reply to everyone personally. Thank you to everyone.