'AITA for going to the hospital again after my husband and a doctor said I was overreacting and still being upset about it?'
"AITA for going to the hospital again after my husband and a doctor said I was overreacting and still being upset about it?"
I feel very strange and guilty and sad about this whole situation and I really don’t even know why, so I thought maybe someone could give me their opinion and it’ll help me clear these feelings up. I’ll try to make this as short as possible.
Basically a few days ago, Monday night, I (f22) started to have really bad stomach cramps at about 4 pm. I thought it was indigestion maybe or menstrual cramps so I let it go for a few hours.
At around 6 pm it was bad enough I mentioned it to my husband (m30), who also saw me going to the restroom every like two seconds. I thought I had to use the restroom but I wasn’t, and I was getting concerned.
My husband teased me, told me to take some pepto bismol, and didn’t mentioned it again ( except for being an AH about me going to the bathroom). But shortly after that I started having some bleeding and worse cramps that were coming and going in waves. During the worst of it I could barely stand or talk, so I asked my husband to take me to the emergency room.
Now, for context, I’ve NEVER been to the ER in my life. I’ve hardly ever gone to the hospital except for one time when I was 19, because I broke my foot tripping over a tree root. But the way my husband was reacting, you would’ve thought I’m there everyday.
The wait time in the ER was over two hours so I told him he could go home, and come get me when I could leave. I didn’t expect him to actually leave but he did. When they finally called me back, the doctor listened to my symptoms for like two seconds and told me it was just menstrual cramping and gave me some Tylenol and let me go.
Of course I went home and my husband was all “I told you so” but “I’m glad it soothed your anxiety”. Whatever. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I was soaking through pads in an hour and a half and the cramps just weren’t stopping.
At around 2 am I was in so much pain I was crying. I was in the bathroom so I don’t even think I was being that loud but my husband woke up to see what was wrong. I told him what was happening and he asked me if there was “any chance” I could be being a bit dramatic. I have no idea why my husband was acting this way that night.
I ended up taking myself back the ER. I was so embarrassed when it was the same lady who checked me in the first time. She was really nice though, and the same doctor came back. I was actually having a miscarriage.
He was very apologetic and it was all fine, I got taken care of, but it was all just very disheartening. Not to mention the fact I was miscarrying, when I didn’t even know I was pregnant.
I came home crying as I would think is normal. When I told my husband what was happening he was also very apologetic but I just feel weird and stupid. I have no idea why. I think people have miscarriages kind of often and I think most of the time they don’t require any medicine or anything.
I just feel embarrassed and sad for having such an awful experience. I have no idea. My husband hasn’t even mentioned his behavior or apologized for it. Am I being over dramatic? Is this not that serious? AITA for being so upset still?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, something was wrong and two men ignored it, assuming you were just being a hysterical woman. This could have gone a lot worse if you hadn't trusted your instincts.
I had a physician in the totally empty ER tell me that I was “acting hysterically” and that he is diagnosing g me with ‘anxiety due to the stresses of pandemic. I was finally diagnosed with severe Acute Pancreatitis (not alcohol induced) and ended up hospitalized for Three weeks, but not until I tried two visits to my PCP, two urgent care and the second ER.
Keeled over, husband had to give info for me but no one thought to do bloodwork or imaging. Ugh. The ER doc who KNEW to run blood lipase and an ultrasound ordered meds before he even saw me. I think I displayed the physical signs of severe pain to the nurses and he was so compassionate. Being a woman… alone in a Dr office with a male chauvinist, narcissistic egotistical maniac is a trip down anxiety lane.
For those in the back:
Menstrual cramps are NOT MEANT TO BE DEBILITATING.
Periods are NOT MEANT TO BE THAT HEAVY.
Women are so easily dismissed if they are in any kind of pain or bleeding, it’s disgusting. How many women have been waved off at hospitals under the impression it’s just their period, only to die later? Too many.
NTA. Miscarriages early in pregnancy are common, but everyone's body responds differently. You advocated for yourself. There WAS something wrong. You have a right to be upset. Maybe couples therapy can help you work through this together in a productive way. I am sorry for your loss.
Maybe why you’re feeling confused is this could be a wake up call. Especially if this was an unintentional pregnancy result, do you really want to have a child with someone who makes jokes, leaves you alone at the hospital when you need their support, and gaslights how you’re feeling?
Whatever you do, don’t feel guilty for having feelings and being upset. That was a traumatic event that was just minimized because it was thought to be just women stuff. Please take care of yourself!