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Husband asks if he was wrong to remind unemployed wife that he's the one with a job.

Husband asks if he was wrong to remind unemployed wife that he's the one with a job.


Dividing up household chores and finances can be one of the least romantic parts of any relationship...

Nothing says 'I love you, babe' quite like a spreadsheet of bills and daily tasks, right? So, when a conflicted husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a disagreement with his wife over the coffee budget, people were quick to help deem a verdict.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my wife I'll purchase the coffee I want, because I'm the one with a job?

I've lately come to enjoy some nicer coffee than I usually drank. I brew it at home, so we're not talking daily $7 drinks or anything. Instead of getting a giant bulk bag of Kirkland coffee, I've come to enjoy a $12 bag from the grocery store. It lasts a bit over a week, maybe two. Instead of $15 for about 5 weeks.

My wife doesn't work. I work from home. She also unfortunately isn't doing a lot around the house right now because of a medical condition.

I've been picking up most of the slack while she sits around. This has been going on for 6 months for the household, years for the job.

Yes, she has depression, yes she's getting treatment for it. I try my best to do what I can, but often times I have to ask her multiple times to help with even simple tasks to share responsibility. We've had discussions on how I know she's working on the issue, but I can't do everything on my own.

I make plenty to be able to have my coffee be a splurge. She'd previously commented on the cost, and I said 'It's well within the budget, and I like it. It's fine.'

I'd shown her the grocery budget in YNAB, which is nearly always under-budget every month for the past few years.

I brought home another bag the other day, and she made a comment along the lines of 'You're spending way too much on this fancy coffee. You need to go back to the other stuff.'

Having had to make the grocery run again, after doing other household chores that morning, I snapped 'The one with the job gets to make the grocery choices. Work again or contribute to the household and you can have a say in what we buy.'

She called me a cold-hearted as*hole and stormed out of the room. So AITA for my reaction to being called out on coffee buying?

As long as this royal coffee is within their budget, what's the big deal if he wants to enjoy his morning fuel a little more than he used to?

While holding the financial power over your partner's head is never a healthy dynamic, snapping over coffee isn't the worst direction this fight could've ventured down. Juggling a job and all of the cleaning and cooking for your home is enough to make anyone burn out and start a war over coffee, but clearly this couple needs to have another productive chat.

Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this marital battle. Here's what people had to say:

Fattdog64 said:

NTA, not at all. This has absolutely nothing to do with coffee. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. The more I sit and do nothing, the worse it gets. All the treatments in the world are totally useless if I don’t follow through with my actions. Time for her to find another therapist and develop a real plan for getting back to participating in life.

OnceUponAMidnte said:

Nta but I do feel there may be more than the coffee issue going on for the response you gave. Definitely better ways to talk about it than the response provided.

Far_Anteater_256 said:

NTA. She brought it up the first time, you explained to her that you've budgeted for it, fine. The question should have been resolved at that point. For her to bring it up again after that, particularly given the situation of her not working or keeping up with the domestic chores, is basically an invitation for a sharp response

Probably_A_Fucker said:

NTA. It’s hard doing everything and then getting criticized over how you do it by someone that does absolutely nothing. Especially when it’s a small indulgence for yourself and they’re regularly going over budget for their interests. Even when there’s a valid reason for it.

So, there you have it!

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this man wasn't wrong to insist on buying the coffee he likes, but the general conclusion was that this fight is about way more than coffee. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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