'AITA for walking away from my husband at the airport after he ruined our romantic getaway?'
"AITA for walking away from my husband at the airport after he ruined our romantic getaway?"
Posting this on my mother’s behalf from her POV. I (54M) have been with my husband (64M) for almost 10 years now. He’s a wonderful stepfather to my daughter from a previous relationship and, although he can be short-tempered at times, he’s generally a good husband.
About four months ago, we planned a much-needed romantic getaway to India. We both work hard, and I was really looking forward to quality time together—just the two of us.
Fast forward a month, we had some friends over for dinner—let’s call them Henry and Lily. My husband has been close friends with Henry for years; they used to go on “lads’ holidays” together before we got married.
After a few drinks, my husband started talking in detail about our upcoming vacation—where we were staying, our exact dates, everything. I didn’t think much of it at the time.
A couple of weeks later, my husband told me Henry had sent him a message with a screenshot of his booking confirmation—for the exact same hotel, on the exact same dates. I was livid.
This wasn’t some casual, “Oh, we’ll be in the same country at the same time!” situation—this was deliberate. I told my husband I wasn’t comfortable with it. This was our vacation, something I had worked hard to pay for.
I didn’t want to be forced into socializing the whole time. I also didn’t know Henry and Lily well enough to feel comfortable being in full vacation mode—lazy mornings, messy hair, no makeup.
I asked my husband to talk to them and see if they could reschedule or stay elsewhere, but he flat-out refused. He said he didn’t want to seem “controlled” by me. This turned into a recurring argument in the lead-up to the trip, with him insisting I was being stubborn.
Fast forward to today: we pack our bags, get to the airport, and everything is going smoothly—until my husband suggests grabbing a drink at the airport bar. When we sit down, there’s a wrapped gift at the table. My husband opens it, starts laughing, and says it’s an inside joke between him and his friend Ben.
I cannot stand Ben. He’s misogynistic, rude, and has absolutely no respect for anyone. He talks about women in a disgusting way, leaves a mess in our house, and shouts in our quiet neighborhood late at night despite being asked multiple times to keep it down.
So, naturally, I was not happy to hear his name. That’s when I look up—and Ben is standing there with Henry and Lily. My husband and his friends are all laughing, but I felt completely blindsided.
This was supposed to be our trip, and now not only were Henry and Lily crashing it, but Ben was too? My husband swore he had no idea Ben was coming, but at that point, I’d had enough. I stood up and walked away without looking back.
Now I’m wandering around the airport, unsure of what to do. Do I go on the trip and accept that my romantic getaway has turned into a boys’ trip I never agreed to? Or do I just go home?
My husband thinks I’m overreacting, but I feel like he completely disregarded my feelings.
AITA for walking away?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
You are easily NTA, but what you should do now is harder to determine. If it were me, on a vacation that I paid for, I would show up at the hotel but check only myself into the room.
Specifically bar your husband from staying with you. You can eat where you like, go on excursions or to the beach, all the while ignoring the group of unwanted pests (which now includes husband, who 100% knew and fostered this arrangement).
Absolutely NTA. There is now way all this happened without your husbands hand in it. He is showing that he does not want to be alone with you. Is this the first trip you have been on? Where there issues on past trips?
No matter what, him inviting other people on your trip without your express consent prior to asking them shows he disregards your opinion and it seems he doesn’t want to be alone with you.
NTA. In a healthy relationship, both parties are mindful of each other's feelings. Your husband either didn't know about the changes in plans and doesn't care enough to see your perspective when it was explained to him OR he knew you wouldn't like this and deliberately concealed his plan to keep it from you until it was 'too late' to change things.
Either way, he's failing you as a partner, though the latter is much worse. You are entirely within your rights to lay it out for him that you will not be taking an unplanned vacation with him and his buddies.
He can either go with them and come back to his belongings in storage and divorce paperwork to sign, OR he can leave the airport with you, have a reduced vacation at home which will involve signing up for couples' counseling. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who will consider your needs and preferences to be at least equal to his own.
NTA. Are you sure your husband likes you? Because to me, he doesn't seem to care about how you feel. If I were you, I would leave. The trip doesn't sound like it would be enjoyable anymore. Take the time to think about what you want to do moving forward and treat yourself without him and his misogynistic friend.
NTA. This was totally planned, and you were not informed on purpose. How much of your money went into this trip? Your husband does not respect you, and may not even like you. Please expect to be treated better than this.