'AITA for refusing to return home after my husband berated me for buying a first class ticket to attend my father's funeral?'
"AITA for refusing to return home after my husband berated me for buying a first class ticket to attend my father's funeral?"
When my husband and I first got married, we agreed we'd have a joint account for the things we share like groceries, furniture, pills. While also have our own separate finances to pay for personal stuff like clothes, gadgets, gifts trips etc. He's an accountant and is good with numbers but can also sometimes become obsessed.
My father passed away last month. I was devastated when I got the news. I decided to book a first-class ticket home. The reason I got first class was because I was distraught and needed space and comfort.
The problem is, My card wasn't working for skme reason so I hsd to pay out of our joint account. I didn't tell him caude I thought it didn't matter. I onky told him about my father and he said he'd get on a flight the bext day cause he was incredibly busy.
I arrived home and hours later, I found a text from him asking about the ticket purchase. I called him and he kept asking although I told him it was not the time. He said he just needed an "explanation".
I told him my card wasn't working so I paid for the ticket out of our joint account. Since I booked first class, the ticket was a bit expensive. He obviously sounded upset. He went on about how this would ruin the monthly calculations and kept reminding me of what this joint account is/isn't for.
I told him it was not the time to bring it up. He said he was just "letting me know". We started arguing and I went off and called him ridiculous. He claimed he said nothing wrong and that he'd pay out of his own pocket if his father died and he needed to get on a flight home. I was astonished.
I could not believe he said that. I hung up on him after that and refused to speak to him even after the funeral. He tried to speak to me asking me to come home but I refused. My family said that I shouldn't have turned my father's death into drama and that my husband was just concerned about our finances.
He kept texting me even after he went home but I did not respond. He said that I was overreacting and have completely failed to see his point. He's begging that I return but I said I needed space. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
YTA. Either this is fake and you have included purposeful spelling mistakes or you have been drinking when deciding to make this post. Pay the money back into the joint account.
Yeah, sorry YTA. You took joint funds and used them for an unnecessary purchase and think you’re a-ok because your father died. You didn’t need an expensive first class ticket for this.
You have overreacted and you are purposely acting obtuse. You fully understand why he’s upset, you just don’t care. The proper response was “yeah, sorry I was in a jam. I will transfer the full amount to the joint account”. You decided to be selfish instead.
YTA and incredibly selfish. I’ve lost my dad, my grandad, my little brother, and my dog (the last 3 of those in a 6 month period) and I’ve still managed to not make everything about myself while ruining my spouse financially. You seem to think that your bereavement is some kind of excuse, it isn’t.
I also don’t believe that your card just “wasn’t working”. If that was the case, why didn’t you immediately transfer the money from your personal account into the joint account to replace what you drained?
By “not working”, do you mean you didn’t have the money? Because that’s certainly what it sounds like. Sounds like you financially ruined your spouse without so much as a basic courtesy call. You’re lucky that he’s begging you to come back.
I'm sorry, but spending that amount of money without talking to your partner first is really not okay. You tried paying for it yourself but couldn't...so you just took your bill money. Probably ESH overall but come on, you know that's not okay. Was your card not working because you didn't have the money for it? Are/were your bills still paid or did he have to cover them himself?
ESH, you should have transferred the money (you don't mention that being your intention) to repay the ticket and he should have waited to talk about it.
YTA Spending a large amount of money out of the bill account without telling your husband is a problem. There was no reason not to tell him in the moment. And no you didn’t need a first class ticket.
Sorry for your loss. YTA though. The cheapest first class tickets are like $1000 USD, that is a crazy amount to take out of a joint account with no communication. It says a lot that your family, who is also grieving your dad, isn’t siding with you here. Be honest, was it ever your intention to pay for this yourself? If yes you would have transferred the money from your account by now, not doubled down.
Sorry for your loss OP. Your card was not working. I get that. Which means you had the money in your account and could pay but something was not working on the transaction right? Totally get it. So you used the joint account. Fair. Needs must.
Here is what I am asking you: so once you arrived and he noticed what stopped you from saying...sorry hun I was in a rush and my card was not working and I am going to transfer it back once I get a second?
I mean that the funeral is gone and you have not talked to him and by indications you have not transferred the money. So there is an unexpected expenditure and you are not talking to your partner like an adult. You had time to write this but not time to resolve a misunderstanding with your partner?
YTA for deciding to intentionally ruin your marriage over this. While needing to use the joint account is fine...not correcting after is a choice. In my opinion an AH one. So yes YTA.