'AITA for my husband cheating and leaving me, causing our kids to hate him?'
"AITA for my husband cheating and leaving me, causing our kids to hate him? (He has a new family now and cut our kids off.)"
My ex husband cheated on me and left me for his affair partner, I was heartbroken and so humiliated. I tried everything and even played the pick me dance, unfortunately this did not work and he ended up leaving in the end.
My husband wanted 50/50 on everything, including having 50/50 custody of our kids which the kids did not want and neither did I. The kids absolutely refused to meet with him or come to his place.
I have to give my ex credit for still trying, our kids cut him off and he ended up breaking up with his AP and meeting another woman. They ended up having 5 kids and are doing well, my in laws would tell my kids albeit hesitantly about this.
Fast forward to now, my ex has not had contact with our kids since that day and cut them off, he has kids that know about my kids but don't want to meet with them. According to my in-laws they like their family structure and have no ill feelings towards my kids but don't want to meet them.
My kids recently told me that they would like to have a relationship with their father and get to know his new family so they reached out to him, my ex responded and in short he said that he loved our kids but would not like to have contact. He said that he has his other kids to think about, along with retirement and inheritance for his grandkids and his other kids and so on, he is very wealthy too might I add.
Now, keep in mind that I essentially became a single mom, my ex still paid child support but it did not last long at all, my kids then ignored their fathers wishes and reached out to their siblings causing them to politely shut any relationship with them down.
All of his kids are adults by the way and they know what happened, my in laws never lied to them, they just dont want to have a relationship with my kids. Am I wrong to feel hurt by this? he LEFT us and yes my kids cut him off but they were kids, i feel like he should be the bigger person here.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Your ex husband is an astronomical POS, who thinks with what inside his pants rather than his brain. People like him shouldn’t have children he have a master in popping kids left and right, but failed miserably when it comes to actually being a dad to those kids.
He failed your kids miserably by cheating and when your kids gave him consequences for his selfish actions who wrecked their household, he went on to replaced with 5 others kids. He don’t deserve anything good in life.
Quick-Perception-895 (OP)
No he does not, at least he left his Ap I guess? He has money now and is retiring now according to my in laws, spends all his time taking care his grandkids on vacations and just spoiling them. He asked to be left alone by our kids and not to harass their siblings.
He treated you horribly. Not arguing that. No excuse for cheating. You say he paid child support while your kids were still kids and wanted 50/50 custody which you and your children didn’t want. It sounds like he tried to be present, but was rejected and eventually your kids fully cut him off?
Your children have ignored him for 20+ years, he’s had a full other life with now adult children and grandchildren while your kids wanted nothing to do with him. They were kids when they cut him off, yes, but they certainly weren’t in the intervening years of remaining no contact. What prompted this now? Your husband was a POS for cheating on you. But I’m not sure he is the AH now.
Kind of sounds like now that he’s wealthy, the kids want to get some inheritance. Doesn’t seem like anything else has changed over the decades.
Your kids don’t need a man like him in their life, they got YOU, and it’s seems for a long time you we’re already doing both job, being the mom and the dad! Even if he still wanted to leave your marriage, he still HAD the possibility and CHOICE to be there for your kids, he instead abandoned them.
When seeing the kids wouldn’t forgive his actions, he chose the easy way knocking some other(s) woman(en) up to have more kids who wouldn’t turn their back on him for being the horrible father he was to your kids.
If I may add I’m convinced your ex fed his new children and family a remix version of what really went down and probably gave a sob story about how your kids cut him off after the divorce for no reason.
Hence why his new kids don’t want nothing to do with your kids or even so hear about them! Mama you ain’t losing anything your kids are blessed to have you, focus on your babies, you are more than enough, they do NOT need such a dad in their life.
Quick-Perception-895 (OP)
Thank you so much, but no my ex did tell them the truth and even if he did not plan on doing it my in laws made sure to tell them. I guess they felt guilt over what happened. He sure took his time getting married again from what I heard, I guess he did not want to mess it up this time.
The sad part is that he isnt a bad father to THEM at least, my in laws ( ex in laws) dont really like talking about it to us because they dont want to hurt our feeling but they spend a lot of time with their other grandkids and son and new dil while mantaining our relationship. His kids dont want any trouble or drama in their life and just wanted to be left alone. But thank you for the kind words.
NTA, although your kids do need to accept that the relationship is gone. I would recommend therapy. Your kids were 15 & 16. I'm guessing they are at least 20 years older than his current children. He's a gross AH who cheated and then started a "replacement family" with a younger woman.
If your kids had been abusive or hurled abuse at his new children, I might be more on his side, but as you said...they just cut him off. Going no contact is "not" the same as harassing people (the only situation in which I can see it being kind of justified).
And you say he tried to be there, but you also just say he paid child support....and it kind of sounds like he had money. I'm not sure that is "trying hard." Even if his kids cut him off, he could have provided a trust fund or helped them out with college or trade school.
IDK, if my father cheated on my mother when I was 16 and then proceeded in the next few years to stay with his mistress, break up with his mistress, and father another child (who would technically be young enough to be my own child)...I would go no contact too.