Husband divorces wife for being a SAHM, 'this dynamic made me resent her.' AITA?
"AITAH for divorcing my wife for being a SAHM?"
I (M30) married my wife (F30) around 5 years ago. We had been dating since highschool. I loved how smart, ambitious and driven she was. We bonded over academics and nerd stuff. We had both landed good jobs in the same city right after college.
3 years into marriage we had our baby. We had decided on sending our child to daycare after 6 months. But when 6 months were up, she refused to go to work and send our child to daycare.
Her argument was if I picked up more work, we can afford a single income household. And she will be saving us money being a stay at home parent. That it was better for our child as well.
I refused. Daycare is normal. If it was only me working, I would have to work way more hours, be exhausted and not spend as much time with my child. I said if she was scared about daycare, we can work in different shifts to stay home with our baby. Like tag team.
She refuses saying that does not work for her and as mom she needs to be with her baby all the time. This caused a huge fight between us. She quit her job. She took care of baby during my work hours and wanted me to take care of cooking dinner on weekdays and cooking, cleaning and baby care on weekends because "stay at home mom deserves breaks too."
This dynamic really made me resent her. I tried communicating many times. The load of bills and insane work hours along with not being able to enjoy time with my baby all deeply upset me. When I was sure she is not going to listen to me, I filed for divorce.
The court gave 50:50 custody, no alimony or child support since I proved it was her own decision to stay home, something I never agreed upon and her career break was around a year only.
I moved back in with my parents and they have room for our baby too. Meanwhile my ex-wife is struggling living pay check to pay check. My baby stays with my mom when I work.
My mom offered my ex the same, but she was so mad at me she refused and enrolled our baby in a daycare. I refused pay for it since she can just leave our kid with my mom.
My exwife and her friends are calling me AH for divorcing her over being a SAHM and not providing any support. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
United-Manner20 said:
NTA - if she would have had a conversation that took your feelings into account, you would still be married and the baby would’ve been in daycare. Now she has to work regardless, and the baby is still in daycare. This is one of those f around and find out scenarios.
The courts decided custody and no child support not you. Her decisions put her where she is right now and that has nothing to do with you. Enjoy being able to spend more time with your kiddo. Congratulations as well on only having to financially support one person. Now you can have breathing room and enjoy time with your baby.
Electronic_Fox_6383 said:
Everyone needs to be on the same page once children are involved and you clearly were not. You're NTA for not wanting to be the breadwinner, cook, cleaner, and weekend nanny - obviously not.
Where was there supposed to be time in that for your well-deserved break? I'm sorry for your child that this ended in divorce, but you tried to communicate your desires many times. Good luck to you.
TheDarkHelmet1985 said:
Bro she unilaterally changed the whole nature of your relationship and put all the work on you without your consent. You NTA. I would have divorced her ass to and wouldn’t help her in the least. Best part is your forced her to do the thing she refused to which led to your divorce in the first place. Love it.
Recent_Data_305 said:
Your title should be: AITA because I chose to divorce my wife rather than miss out on seeing my child grow up? You didn’t divorce because she was a SAHM. You divorced because the two of you couldn’t openly communicate and make decisions together - such as finances and childcare. NTA.
reeserdog said:
NTA. You will actually get to enjoy your child now. What she unilaterally decided was not fair. She is being selfish now too by not having having Grandma watch the baby. I hope you are able to enjoy life and your baby. Don’t pay for anything not court ordered. When your child gets older if they need something pay for it directly.
GonnaBeOverIt said:
NTA. Seems like she didn’t even want to compromise.