Husband is finally honest about pregnant wife's attitude: 'I heard her crying the whole night.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my 7 months pregnant wife to stop acting like a B?"
My wife 27F is 7 months pregnant and I don't know how I can possibly put her actions into words other than and absolute b%tch. Don't get me wrong I do love my wife very much, but hell I don't know what to do any more. For some context: We have been married for 4 years, I'm 28M and I make a very good living. She doesn't work anymore and doesn't need to.
She will be a SAHM mutual agreed upon. I didn't force her to stop working or anything, and to be honest I love the fact that can provide for my wife. But her actions during thia pregnancy is taking a toll to the point that for the first time since I have known her 8 years now, called her a B.
Some of the things she has done and is still doing, since she FOUND OUT she was pregnant. She refuses to do any cleaning, laundry, cooking. I had to hire someone to help with the cleaning. I had to do all of these thing after coming home from working between 10-15 hours everyday depending on the day and workload.
Whatever I do is not done right and she criticized everything I do, but refuses to help in any way She sits the whole day and does f-ck all, literally. When I cook food, it's not what she wants even after I asked her what she wanted. It's to the point where I have to eat the same meal 2 days in a row in order to not waste food because after I'm done cooking, she doesn't want it anymore and wants takeout.
I can't eat what I want because the smell alway makes her sick. I cook what she wants and then afterwards she doesn't want it. She wants takeout, but never asks for takeout before I start cooking. Cleaning is the same thing, criticizing every detail even after I worked 15 hours and still do the cleaning because she doesn't want to.
The house keeper only cleans the common areas for us and comes in once per week the rest of the time the cleaning is on me. The same with the laundry as well. I do understand pregnancy hormones and everything, but if something is not exactly how she wants it to be or is expecting it to be, she blows up. Afterwards she wants to apologize and blames the pregnancy. She is not having a rough pregnancy at all. I have been to every appointment with her and the doctor are very happy with everything so far.
I have talked to mutual friend sand family and they tell me this is not normal, and she is balming pregnancy as an excuse for acting lile a s$itty human. I had my fill the last 2 months because she will multiple times a week, wake me up in the middle of the night because she wants the one snack that we do not have in the house. That time and I had to drive to a shop 30 minutes away to get her what she wants otherwise sleep for me the rest of the night is out for me.
I blew up 2 days ago after again a 15 hours work day, coming home to her complaining about the food after she asked for it and I cooked, then wanting takeout and then waking me up at 3 am because she wanted snacks. I told her no way in hell am I driving anywhere now as I'm tired and want to sleep. I asked her please choose from the 100 of other snacks we have in the house for her, but no, she wanted this specific one and again I told her no way I'm driving.
She started to sulk and kept me awake, evertime I fell asleep she would nudge me and wake me up again around 4 am I blew and told her she should stop acting like a f^cking b%tch for not getting her way and complaining about every little thing and if she doesn't stop this bullsh$t she will be a single mother. I left the room and went to sleep in the spare room, I heard her crying the whole night but didn't care, that is how tired I was.
She has been salty ever since. The next day she did try and argue with me and again wanted to blame the pregnancy and I told her to stop blaming the pregnancy for acting like a sh@t person for the last 7 months. I have stuck by her with everything, her parents, siblings and friends, even my family is refusing to visit us because of her actions for not getting her way and blowing up on everyone when something isn't exactly how she want it in that moment.
Here is where I think I took it to far because I told her being pregnant doesn't make her special or excuse her f%cking horrible behavior toward others for 7 months straight. Again I slept in the spare room and heard her cry. I have discussed this with my parents and asked for advice. Although they agree she is acting like a child, she is still pregnant and AITA for handling it the way I did?
I have over the last 7 months discussed and asked what I can do to make everything better, but according to her, she is happy but still blows up over everything. This issue has been talked about multiple times before I blew up about it. We have lost friends that blocked us because of how she treated them when they were over. Some family members have even blocked us again because of the actions. AITA?
EDIT:
I'm tired haven't had a real nights sleep in 2 weeks and am currently in the spare room hearing her cry and every couple of minutes. Just when I start to drift away, she gets louder with her sobbing, and then lowers the volume again after a couple of seconds preventing me from getting any sleep. Thinking about going over to my parents' house for sleep or renting a hotel room at this point.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MeatOpening3207 said:
NTA - Sounds like she has turned into a manipulative child.
EquivalentLeg7616 said:
NTA. No way man. She sounds like a spoiled brat to me. I’m 4 months pregnant and we have a two year old. I still do all the laundry, all the cleaning, cooking, dishes etc and 90% of child care. I still help take out trash and recycling if it’s not to heavy.
I’ve never once asked my husband to get up, go out and buy me a snack at 2am. I thought that shit only happens in the movies. If I want a breakfast burrito at 11pm I’ll just go make it. Are their moments hormones make me irrationally upset, absolutely but it’s over stupid sh$t like sad commercials or a cute photo of a cat. Nowhere near the severity your describing your wife is experiencing.
Have you brought this behavior up during one of her OB appointments? Maybe they have some insight if this is normal or not. Maybe just mentioning it will slightly embarrass her and her dr will tell her to cut the crap. Being overly emotional on purpose and causing this much stress can also stress the baby.
Maybe you can call the office and ask to speak to her provider telling them you have concerns about your wife’s behavior. Idk just a suggestion since she’s adamant she’s fine and refuses to help herself. Good luck man.
Otherwise_Degree_729 said:
NTA I was ready to say YA from the title but she is acting like a b*tch. Being pregnant is no excuse for her behavior. Pregnant women, work, cook, clean and raise previous children while being pregnant. She is just a shitty person with a good excuse. Also the crying is suspicious, it changes volumes as soon a you’re asleep, strange.
ramivuxG said:
NTA. You need medical advice - and fast - before the baby arrives. This sounds far beyond a hormonal reaction due to pregnancy. Either she is conscious of her actions, in which case I’d worry about her willingness to care properly for the baby when they arrive.
Or else it’s possible she’s had some kind of brain injury, or a personality disorder has been triggered. Again, if it continues after the baby is born, how will she cope? Can you document the specifics of what she’s said or done to other family members and friends to make them cut ties? Get their input if necessary - it will all be helpful information for the diagnosing physician/psychiatrist.
Sufficient-Dinner-27 said:
NTA. I've had 3 kids. Granted, my pregnancies were uneventful but honestly, there's nothing in a normal pregnancy to justify this behavior. I'm so sick of women blaming every f--king thing on HORMONES. Your wife is a b$tch. Cravings? Sure, I got them. But you just tell yourself to have something else. No one ever died from an unfulfilled craving.
Stop catering to this behavior. You work long , difficult hours to allow her to do nothing, so tell HER to have dinner ready when you get home. If it's not ready, go out to get something for YOURSELF. No take out for her, let her fix what she wants for herself. She doesn't have broken limbs; she can walk and work. With my first, I worked until 5 weeks before delivery. She's not a delicate flower, she's a grifter. As you can tell, this really pisses me off. People like her set equality back 75 years.
helpmewitha said:
NTA and invest in earplugs so you can get some sleep. I was a slightly irrational pregnant woman not as bad as your wife but I had my moments. At least that is what I have been told because I thought I was fine. However, I still worked until I gave birth, did all the cleaning/laundry/ childcare for the older two. I was also a single mom so I didn’t have help from my partner.
Your wife is just doing what she sees in movies and TV shows because it’s considered cute. It’s not. I always feel for the partner of pregnant people because they really get the shit end of the stick with how some of us can be.
Maximum_Studio4049 said:
NTA- I’m seven months pregnant, a SAHM and have two older kids (7/9). I would NEVER expect treatment like this. You need to have a conversation with her about why she thinks this is acceptable behavior, maybe with a counselor as a mediator, because in a very short time she will get worse.
The only thing I “nag” my husband about is cleaning the litter boxes we have. I still do all the other household work and appreciate him cooking. With her pregnancy going well and not high risk she’s probably done herself a disservice by just sitting around the whole time.
Newborns are a lot of work and staying active before hand continuing good household habits and split duties as a foundation does better than expecting you to do everything for her. I hope you guys work it out and some kind of light bulb goes off for her. Maybe if you get enough productive advice here show her your post and the comments, being the internet it will probably get harsh, but she may see where she’s in the wrong.