Couple's mother's reveal that they were both conceived using the same donor. AITA?
"AITA for not giving my husband space after he found out we're related?"
More_Imagination_864
My husband (23M) and I (28F) were invited to dinner by my MIL (52F) last week and she asked that I also bring my mom (61F). I thought this was strange because they don’t really get along but thought that maybe they could get over this conflict.
At the dinner everything was going well strangely, our mothers were pleasant enough and were getting along for the first time ever. The joy I had over this clouded me from seeing that the two women were in cahoots, clearly scheming.
As dessert was being served, our mothers told us that they had to tell us something. They told us that my husband and I were both conceived from the same donor. I should add that I knew my husband was conceived via donor but up until this point I had thought that my father who neglected me all my life was my bio-dad.
When all of this came out into the light I freaked out and attacked my mother for hiding this from me and letting me think that this man who couldn’t spare any time for me was my father. My MIL later revealed that they had known my husband and I were related for a couple of weeks now.
My husband has asked me to give him some space so that he can deal with this new information but I keep calling him and visiting our house. Our friends have reached out to me on his behalf and asked that I stay away for a little longer because he is going through a hard time.
But so am I. I learned about this at the same time as him and even though we are biologically related, I still love him and view him as my life partner. Am I the a$$h0l3 for not giving my husband space?
Edit: He didn't actually kick me out of our house, he is staying with a friend and refusing my visits.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
disappointingcryptid
INFO: so you can't go to your own house? Where are you staying?
Also please get a DNA test asap.
Fianna9
Absolutely. It is your house too. If he wants space he can leave to deal with it.
prairiemountainzen
Exactly. It's understandable that he wants space. This was a bombshell for OP as well, so it's not like her needs for support and communication during this upheaval should just be completely dismissed in favor of only her husband's needs.
They have to compromise and they have to come up with a solution for how they are going to handle this. Simply shutting OP out and dropping all communication with her isn't acceptable, because this situation needs to be resolved sooner rather than later.
EDIT: I see he is at a friend’s house and you are refusing a DNA test. Everything else I said in my original comment stands but geeze, ESH. Your mothers are unbelievably cruel for keeping this info from you for any length of time once they knew you were related.
Your husband sucks for shutting you out (even if it’s figuratively rather than literally) when this situation requires communication to figure out a solution, and you suck for fudging details and for refusing a DNA test when that is something you MUST do to resolve this. What a mess.
notforcommentinohgoo
How trustworthy are your mothers? How likely to stir shit and sow havoc are your mothers? Because for me, step 1 would be DNA tests all round.
Straight-Tomorrow-83
100% this. Before either of you do or say anything you can't take back, confirm it with a DNA test.
TemptingPenguin369
You say about your mom and MIL "the two women were in cahoots, clearly scheming." Is there a possibility that they made this up? I don't know where you are, but in my country you don't get enough info about a sperm donor to identify them.
Both your mother and your MIL having the exact same fertility issue and going to the exact same place and got sperm from the exact same person five years apart sounds so unlikely. Any chance they're trying to break you up?
mrspurp751
Seen your comments so answer revised, he wants a dna test to show if are related and you are refusing, seriously, leave him alone if won't do it because he doesnt want to be romantic with his possible half sister, you are naive to think doesnt matter, it does!
How do your mothers know that 5 years apart they got the same anon donor at the exact same clinic......its laughable and highly unlikely to be true so if love him, get the test, or accept your marriage is over and stop stalking and harassing him!
You said they were scheming away, you've both gone straight with it, get the test then when comes back aren't like most here think, boot your toxic mothers out of your lives, the longer you leave it the more you are done.
RileysVoice
You need the proof before either of you can decide what to do. Get a DNA test like now!
Fancy_Arm_7448
YTA, but for the love of god get a real DNA test done ASAP before either of you do anything else. Unless the moms had the same private donor it’s INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY that they even have enough info about their donors to know if they were the same one.
The fact that they were calm, smiling and almost gleeful about everything screams that they are fucking with you two as some sort of test or to break you up.