'AITA for telling my husband that if he doesn't end a friendship I'll file for divorce?'
"AITA for telling my husband that if he doesn't end a friendship I'll file for divorce?"
Elegant_Safe_3855
I will try to make it short. I'm on postpartum leave. We have a 2 month old son. We live right next door to my husband's best friend. We moved in here a bit over a month ago.
Since moving in, this dude is calling my husband multiple times a day to go off somewhere with him (store, another buddies house, downstairs to smoke, have a fire, etc). It has caused so many fucking fights already and I'm so over it.
I have literally brought it up at least 25 times. And I told him not even a week ago that I'm moving whether he comes with me or not because I didn't sign up to play third wheel to a grown ass man who ALSO has a wife at home with a baby.
My husband apologized, per usual, and actively did get better about it. Like he stopped leaving with him and only hung out with him once a day for maybe a half hour and I appreciated that and all has been good.
But on to the issue.. he has called off work for the past 2 days because I'm sick and need help taking care of the baby because I'm literally a walking shit show right now. I am in so much body pain and my head is screaming at me.
So he literally called off work, telling his boss I had was sick and he needed to help me, and then took off with his buddy not even a half hour later (at 12:30 this afternoon) and has been gone since. They were supposedly only going to the store, 45 minutes away.
It's been 5 hours. When I texted him about it, the only thing he said was "I know babe, I'm sorry". So I texted back and said "the fuck you are. Stay at your buddies house tonight.
He obviously needs you to hold it for him." He says I'm an AH because "I expected to be home already but he's taking his sweet ass time. It's his vehicle. I'm kinda on his schedule."
So, I texted back asking where they were and he told me that they stopped off at one of this guys friends houses and apparently he's drinking (not my husband, supposedly - I have my doubts). I told him that he either ends the friendship or I file for divorce because this has been an ongoing, consistent issue and I'm no longer willing to deal with it.
Now he's calling me manipulative and controlling, saying I'm making him choose between me and his son or him having any sort of social life because he says I flip out every time he tries to do anything (I do - he's gone out partying at least 6 times since I gave birth 2 months ago, when - not kidding - he hadn't partied in 4 years prior to this). AITA?
eta: I've brought up moving several times (because he wasn't like this before we moved in to this place - which is owned by the buddy in the post). He will agree to move and start house searching and then the very next day he will be talking about all the repairs he wants to make to this place as a favor to his buddy for "helping us out".
So basically he wants to stay here and only told me he would be willing to move in that moment to get me to stop talking about it. The only place I can go to is my mother's and he has made it very clear that if I take our child there, he will take the baby from me.
He says it's a unsafe and not clean home, because her kitchen is in complete repair currently (bad floor due to underneath water damage) and has absolutely no access. My mom washes her dishes in the bathtub while it's being renovated and cooks on the outdoor grill. The renovations have been taking longer than expected due to the snow storms we have gotten.
ETA from OP:
I've brought up moving several times (because he wasn't like this before we moved in to this place - which is owned by the buddy in the post). He will agree to move and start house searching and then the very next day he will be talking about all the repairs he wants to make to this place as a favor to his buddy for "helping us out".
So basically he wants to stay here and only told me he would be willing to move in that moment to get me to stop talking about it. The only place I can go to is my mother's and he has made it very clear that if I take our child there, he will take the baby from me.
He says it's a unsafe and not clean home, because her kitchen is in complete repair currently (bad floor due to underneath water damage) and has absolutely no access. My mom washes her dishes in the bathtub while it's being renovated and cooks on the outdoor grill. The renovations have been taking longer than expected due to the snow storms we have gotten.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Gratitude89
It took reading until the end before knowing that the house is owned by the best friend. Your husband sounds like a people pleaser who is stuck under his friends thumb. The male ego has him trying to appear manly and cool while his home life falls apart. Quite honestly, the friend owning your residence is bound to turn into a difficult situation eventually.
The OP responded here:
Elegant_Safe_3855
He is very much so a people pleaser and this guy is 14 years older than him too, so he always uses the excuses of "well, he's like a big brother to me and gives me a lot of life skills and knowledge" and has said multiple times that he "doesn't want to disappoint" him. He knows it's coming at a cost of his family.
Fancy_Association484
People pleaser to everyone but his wife and child.
littlescreechyowl
Tale as old as time. Everyone’s guy they can count on…except his wife and kid.
Someoneorsomewhere
Hows he going to take your son from you if you move out when he doesn’t even want to make time for him now? Call his bluff because he fucking sucks and you and your son deserve better.
Bitter_Animator2514
He keeps showing you what you mean to him When you going to really see.
plantsb4putas
This asshole called out of work to "stay and help you" but LEFT IN A VEHICLE WITH SOMEONE ELSE FOR NO IMPORTANT OR URGENT REASON. He should have kept his ass at home, as he said he was going to. I wouldnt be surprised to find out hes off doing drugs, it sounds like junkie behavior.
SKPhantom
Your husband clearly loves his friend more than you. I wouldn't even give him the choice, I'd tell him to fuck off and go ahead with moving away.